Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Well, I think the worst part about all of this is that it happened right before your wedding and is ruining what's supposed to be the happiest time of your life. It's completely unfair that you're expected to 'get over it' in such a small amount of time.

I agree your FH acted spinelessly, but I think peer pressure is a strong motivator, especially when he was the absolute center of attention. And judging from the way your dad behaved, your FH probably would've gotten mocked if he refused to do any of that stuff.

As for your parents, that's just awful. BUT what choice does your mom have? She either has to back up your dad or else have a huge issue in her own marriage. I imagine they're both trying to make you think you're overreacting just so they don't have to admit how bad their own behavior is. Also, this is a generational issue--older people grew up in a much more sexist society where 'boys will be boys' and this kind of stuff was okay.

But you're not crazy, everyone here agrees with your reaction! Have you told your FH that this is so upsetting as to make you reconsider marrying him? Have you told your dad that?I'm so mad at both of them!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I would be so mad, especially about the nipple and blow job thing.. I would marry him, but be very upset. on his behalf, it is hard in front of all those guys cheering you on.. to be like NO and at least he told you..but there is a huge trust issue there.. you were very lenient in the first place.. I dont' mind strippers but it looks like they had a PROSTITUTE and that I have a big problem with.. GOOD LUCK..

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

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Posted by violetfairy

It does help, smile.

That's what I'm so torn about...

I don't want to do anything I'll regret, and if I look back years from now, I may regret not letting my dad have his 'moments.'

However, if it makes me want to puke on that day, I need to consider that, too. I don't think he deserves any 'honor' right now, and to have him standing by my side while I know that he was the 'ringleader' who put me in this situation... UGH! I just don't know.

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To be honest, with what your Dad did and what he said, he has no 'honor' and he certianly doesn't deserve any 'moments'...he deserves a swift kick in the backside...just IMO of course

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

All of the above as well, I think thats soooooooooooo discusting!!!!!!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

This is absolutely a nightmare! I feel for you!! I wouldn't know what to do in your situation-smiling with geniune happiness is not going to happen on your wedding day, I think that is a given, you can't just switch emotions like that in 4 days. This absolutely sucks!! I really can't give you any advice in this because it is just way out of control, YOUR FATHER, YOUR 'NASTY COUSIN', sorry, I have to judge here, but this is insane that you have to be right in the middle of all this scandal and you didn't even do anything wrong!! EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD BE TORMENTED ABOUT THIS NOT YOU, they should all be bending over backwards to rectify this and make your feelings better before the wedding!! I would seriously consider not showing up for the wedding, I would almost even consider, leaving your FI at the alter, subjecting your parents 'who should be ashamed of themselves!! embarrassment, and your FI to real HUMILIATION in FRONT of his friends and family, and then just show up after the ceremony time and make an announcement that you are choosing not to perform the wedding ceremony and want everyone to have a great time and continue to have the dinner and party it up with your friends - sit with them and dance etc. How crazy would that be!! Since you aren't realistically considering postponing the wedding all together, I just don't think 'faking' everything on your one and only day is how you want to remember the day. Later on if you work things out with your FI - then maybe elope!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Sorry you have to deal with this. I can't believe they did this and then told you KNOWing how upset you would be.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

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Posted by Diane

I would be TICKED OFF
I would still marry him, but have a lonnnnng talk with him

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My feelings exactly!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

WOW That's terrible!
I totally feel for you!

Would he dare do this at someone else's bachelor party? or did he just lose control because it was his bachelor party?

Has he ever put a serious doubt in your mind (besides this of course!) that he would cheat on you?

I would be pissed - This is especially embarrassing if other people that are in the wedding know and im sure they do....

I would have a long serious talk with him and your father and really reconsider who you are planning to spend the rest of your life with - there is no reason that anyone should do such a thing and right before the wedding!!

I don't think i could get married to this guy....

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

OMG Violet...this is SO terrible! i read what others wrote and i would be SO furious! i would say it was ALL cheating as well.....

what are you going to do?

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

This story sucks, and I'm sorry you're feeling bad so soon before your wedding!

As for what's cheating, based on what your FH told you about his comfort level with this thing (and I'm sure he was telling the truth), I don't think any of it is cheating. There was no love, lust, or proably any feeling at all involved for your FH except for humiliation.

That kind of stuff (bananas, dildos, licking, blowjobs for $$ for the sleazy friends) happens at pretty much every stripper party I've heard about. More often than not, the guest of honor (the soon-to-be-married bachelor) is totally uncomfortable with this stuff and it's more a chance for his so-called friends to make him feel like an idiot. Luckily, my FH had been to enough of these in the past to know that there was no way he wanted strippers at his bachelor party. Unfortunately for you and your guy though, the stripper was there and doing her 'normal' routine. Once it's going on, it's pretty damn hard for the guy to say 'no' to the routine - it would mean disappointing everyone at the party. I would not be upset at your guy for not being 'man enough' to stop it - the amount of pressure he felt was probably huge. It doesn't sound like he's got infidelity issues or is into strippers, so don't sweat it, and try not to picture it! (Easier said than done, I know).

Your dad, on the other hand, acted like an idiot, and I'm sure made your FH even more uncomfortable than he needed to be. Sounds like your dad is the one who was the most into the whole show. But still - this is your father. Do you think he knew it would hurt or upset you, or is he just a cad? My guess is he's just a cad. Maybe you can accept him for the sometimes-jackass that he is and get on with life. I think you'd regret taking away his chance to walk down the aisle with you - big time.

Sorry so long, hope it helps a little!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

looks like i am in the minority in this one... but i do think your FI needs some credit for being honest with you. god knows i doubt many men would be straight about all that happening. I think some of you girls are a bit naive when it somes to bachelor party. a stat recently came out, i think it was like 1 in 10 of men have S$X with a stripper during their bachelor party. i forgot where i read that, but i def believe it. the pressure these guys go under from their FRIENDS and FAMILY to do stuff. my DH was honest with me about a bachelor party he went to for a friend of his in AC and how the guy did indeed do the deed with 2 STRIPPERS. and how the guy didn't want to do it but was completly egged on by all the other men there. Of course no one told his DH so she is totally in the dark about everything that happened.

good luck with everything. I hope it all works out for you two.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

FH has told me things about bachelor parties he's gone on and I cant believe any of the things happen, but they do.. I do think that there is pressure on grooms when they go out like this from other people that they are with.. come on.. most of our FH's have peverted and disgusting friends@

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I am so sorry you have to go through this...
the more and more I read about this tuff the more mad I would be at your father... why would he promote all that?
I understand that guys get strippers and that its all fun & games but sounds like the party got a little bit outta control...

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

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Posted by littlewilson

This story sucks, and I'm sorry you're feeling bad so soon before your wedding!

As for what's cheating, based on what your FH told you about his comfort level with this thing (and I'm sure he was telling the truth), I don't think any of it is cheating. There was no love, lust, or proably any feeling at all involved for your FH except for humiliation.

That kind of stuff (bananas, dildos, licking, blowjobs for $$ for the sleazy friends) happens at pretty much every stripper party I've heard about. More often than not, the guest of honor (the soon-to-be-married bachelor) is totally uncomfortable with this stuff and it's more a chance for his so-called friends to make him feel like an idiot. Luckily, my FH had been to enough of these in the past to know that there was no way he wanted strippers at his bachelor party. Unfortunately for you and your guy though, the stripper was there and doing her 'normal' routine. Once it's going on, it's pretty damn hard for the guy to say 'no' to the routine - it would mean disappointing everyone at the party. I would not be upset at your guy for not being 'man enough' to stop it - the amount of pressure he felt was probably huge. It doesn't sound like he's got infidelity issues or is into strippers, so don't sweat it, and try not to picture it! (Easier said than done, I know).

Your dad, on the other hand, acted like an idiot, and I'm sure made your FH even more uncomfortable than he needed to be. Sounds like your dad is the one who was the most into the whole show. But still - this is your father. Do you think he knew it would hurt or upset you, or is he just a cad? My guess is he's just a cad. Maybe you can accept him for the sometimes-jackass that he is and get on with life. I think you'd regret taking away his chance to walk down the aisle with you - big time.

Sorry so long, hope it helps a little!

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Very well put, although I still wouldn't walk down the aisle with my dad.

Sorry you fell victim to this. I can sense your anger in your postings. Hoping all this can pass with time.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I picture a bunch of drunken fools hooting and hollering. I picture this stripper EATING UP the attention, and working them up even more. I picture sloppy, drunken men who haven't gone out partying like this in YEARS, have forgotten how to handle their liquor, and who are caught up in the 'fun'....my vision of licking whipped cream off of some stripper's boobs is sloppy, drunken, (he probably even missed them the first couple tries) and NOT even REMOTELY glamorous. Honestly, I think the whole underwear pulling-down thing and whipped cream thing is a VERY common bachelor party event. Maybe, JUST MAYBE....in our own minds, we picture it like in the movies, when really, the whole thing is anything BUT.
I have been to BACHELORETTE parties where the Bride-to-Be was dry humped by a male stripper, where she had to lick whipped cream off of HIS NIPPLES...where she has to take off his thong with her teeth...we KNOW its harmless, but if we were to tell someone else about it, without them seeing it, it would seem a lot less playful and more sexual than anything.....and the poor bride is usually THE LAST ONE who wants to participate in these things...but it's hard to resist when you are on stage and drunk off your rocker....
I know I will probably get BLASTED for this, but this is just my way to try and help you see this in the way it most likely happened....
Dont let this ruin your wedding., it's not worth it. At this point, I SERIOUSLY doubt anything like this will EVER EVER EVER happen again....

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I'm not sure that I could get over it especially with only four days, I'm so SORRY that this happened to you and don't know what advice to give.

I would be so hurt an ddon't think I could let him even touch me knowing he touched some dirty whore. If she was with all the guys he was with I'm sure she does this a lot (gives all the extras) and I would be grossed out by the thought of all the guys she was with and that she touched MY man and would think about that the whole time that he was with me.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

MY GOD .. just came online and I saw this post.....

Violet I can only begin to imagine what you are feeling right now

you have every right to be made at your 'ring-leader of a father/cousin'.......espically after telling you that you are overreacting. In my opinion I would not want to dance or walk down the isle....people may ask why???? so if you decide to do that I would have some excuse planned...do you have someone you are close to in your family to walk you down the isle?

Regarding your FI...... would let him know that.....you thought long and hard about postponing the wedding ...let him know he could have lost you over this



GOOD LUCK and I am sorry you have to be going through this so close to your big day

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Well, if the FI lived to tell of the experience...I would consider licking the nips cheating. If he had contact with another females private parts then that is an issue. I hate strippers, they scare me. I would definitley have a nice 'Talk' with him. I would rant and he would listen.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I am so sorry- I would KILL my FH and my FATHER!!!! Unfortunately for my FH if this ever happened there would be no wedding. Looking is ALL that would be exceptable to me - anything else given or received is totally unforgivable in my eyes

I would not be talking to my father for a very long time and he wouldn't be walking me down the aisle because there would be no wedding.

Sorry to sound a bit uptight, but to me the marriage commitment begins way before the actual wedding day- if my FH were stupid enough to do any of the above, to me that is breaking a very serious commitment and I would not stick around to deal with it NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. I just would never be able to look at him the same way again . . .

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I cannot beleive that this happened to you. I fear this with my own FH. All of his groomsmen think it is funny because he is not that kind of guy and they keep telling me what a good time he is going to have. I have talked to FH about it and he keeps telling me not to worry he would never do anything like that. However, I have seen him drunk and around his friends and he does not alwyas have the strongest will.
I am so sorry that this happened and that your father was involved. A similar situation happened at my cousin's Bachelor Party.
My uncle through the party for my cousin. It was my uncle's GF and her friend that were the strippers. How weird is that? My uncle paid the strippers to give a BJ to my cousin's dad (my other uncle) and his future father in law. This way he said they were a part of it and could not say anything. The strippers had sex with many of the guys there too. And gave my cousin a BJ as well. My dad was at this bachelor party and came home early. He is deathly afraid of my mother so he spilled the beans. He did not partake because he was not drinking, but I do not totally trust him either. Ever since this my sister and I have had men trust issues. We never thought these ment that we love so much would do this. To this day my sister still says to my dad that you are a dad before you are a man.
BTW my cousin did end up getting married. His wife found out and they were divorced less than a year later. There were other issues as well.
I HATE THIS WHOLE TRADITION!!!!
Best of luck!