WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

So the BRIDE's father was the one that put the whipped cream on the stripper's tits for the groom?

Man thats crazy!

Now that I think about this... i do have one thing to say.

Yeah I know the situation SUCKS and you feel like crap. But this is what I don't get.

Usually the bachelor parties only have people from the GROOM's side. There is a reason for this that I guess you can all figure out.

Not only were there people from the Bride's family there... but the bride's FATHER was there.

OMG... i would never imagine a situation like this where the bride's father (the one that should be looking out for her daughter's best interests) would be at the groom's bachelor party and is doing something like this with the strippers.

The only way I can put this into prospective is... the father must REALLY like this guy and have the COMPLETE blessing on this marriage if he did something like this. Don't you think if your FH did something so bad... the father would be telling you right now this guy is a dirtbag and to drop him?

To me it sounds like these two are really close. Yeah this isn't the place to show that and yeah what happened was WRONG. He likes the guy and took it too far. I guess its just a really f-ed up situation in general.

I don't think this is something to stop a marriage for... and yeah I have heard of FAR WORSE things that go on at BPs.

Violet,

I wish that I had something to say to take away your pain. That is awful. This is why, I have said it before and I have said it again, Lorena Bobbit is my idol! DH knows this, and hates that fact, but it is the truth.

I cannot believe that a Father would do this to his daughter and then have the audacity to tell you get off your high horse. Just because he thinks that is acceptable doesn't mean that you have. I am still floored that your Mother is not supporting you in this!

What does your FH say about the pain that he caused? Pressured or not didn't he think about his future family- YOU and how you will feel about it. A MAN can stand up for his convictions and morals!!!

I would still go through with the marriage, probably. Only you can answer that. But I would tell him that he has BLOWN all your trust in him! That your opinion of him is different now then it was prior to his BP.

I am so angered reading this and his disrespect of you. I wish I had better words of wisdom. I would have a serious heart to heart with him and your Mother. It seems like your Father is a lost cause on this but maybe your Mother can make your Father understand that what he did hurt his DAUGHTER.

Again, I am so sorry that you are going through.

Wow, I'm so sorry! I wouldn't be able to go through with the wedding.

As my friend's father said at her Engagement party...

'To my future son in law, I want you to know your commitment to my daughter is for LIFE and that your LIFE depends on that commitment...' Dad's should be saying things like that not putting whip cream on strippers breasts!

I'm so sorry you Dad, cousin and fiancee betrayed you....

I went through a similar thing for my first wedding. My ex's brother threw him a bachelor party at his house and it was out of control. Everything you mentioned happened, but I wasn't really mad at my ex. I trusted him completely and I know that he would never put himself in that position and was basically 'forced'. He is very shy and gets more shy when he drinks but his brother is a wild man.

My bachlorette party was the same night and while all this was going on my ex called me to tell me and was petrified I was going to be pissed. I kinda laughed and made the mistake of telling my friends with me (who's husband's were with my ex) and it caused a HUGE fight the next day between about 5 couples.

I guess after all my rambling...you know deep down inside what your FH is like. If you trust him and love him, forgive him but give him a stern warning that if something like that happens again his *** is grass.

For your father....I don't even know what to say. I would be pissed beyond belief but I would still let him walk down the aisle because you might end up forgiving him and then the damage is done with him not being a part of your wedding. I would also let him know too how disappointed you are.

And btw I have seen worse things than that happen at bachlorette parties, so its not only the men who get a little nuts.

As my friend's father said at her Engagement party...

'To my future son in law, I want you to know your commitment to my daughter is for LIFE and that your LIFE depends on that commitment...'


That is the funniest and sweetest thing!

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Posted by hbradio

I would be MAJORLY PISSED if he did any of those things!!!!

I think my FH knows better - he knows I would call my cousin and he would break his legs and my 3 sisters would castrate him!

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i like.....

told my Fh i will have hime wired

OMG Violet I'm so sorry!! What a nightmare! It's bad enough you have to deal with this at all, but FOUR DAYS before the wedding? I can't imagine all of the emotions you're feeling right now. Unfortunately, this thing is becoming more and more common at bachelor parties, but that in NO WAY makes it acceptable. And your father as the ringleader of it all? Bragging about it? I'm just totally speechless. This is the man that is supposed to be there for you and protect you from just this type of thing. Your parents want to know what's wrong with you? What the HE!! is wrong with them to even say that to you??? You are NOT wrong, and whatever decision you make, make it for yourself. Not anyone else. Do not feel pressured to go through with the wedding by money or other people. You did NOT create this situation. They did. If you decide to postpone, let them be the ones to explain to everyone. Let them feel the shame and the embarrassment. If your parents and FI cannot understand your feelings, then you should definitely postpone, or even cancel. This is not what marriage is about and certainly should NOT be the way you remember what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. I know it's going to be difficult to work through all of your emotions right now, but remember we're all here if you feel like talking, crying or venting. I definitely agree with the other girls that you should sit everyone down one on one, or all together, or maybe even both ways, and talk this out. You might find you can work through this, or you might find you need more time. Whatever happens, we're all here and thinking of you. Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

I have no idea what to say
I have no idea what I would do
I would be crushed
I would be embarassed
I would be a mess....
I can't imagine what you are going through right now.....
If you need anything - someone to listen, I'm always here for FM's......

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. On top of all the other stresses, this is probably the last thing you need right now.

However, it happened, and you must deal with it. I've got so many opinions over the whole situation, but let's start with what's most important YOU.

I might be the only person who feels this way, but nothing or no ONE can or will ruin your day except for you. You can either let this bother you and hold on to it, or, you can let it go. That's first.

Getting to your wedding day, now that's a different story. I think you need to let your parents know that you find this embarrassing and extremely disrespectful. I'd ask them NOT to 'brag' about it, and finally show you some respect.

As far as your fiance'... although what he did was WRONG, the thing I first read and found somewhat respectful, is that he did tell you. Ok, so he didn't tell you EVERYTHING to begin with. I would sit down w/ him, and tell him that you appreciate that he told you and came foward before you found out from someone else- but he needs to take a day and figure out what HE really wants! I wouldn't speak to him for an entire day. If you think I'm crazy.... I did this 3 days before MY own wedding. Although the 'disrespect' issue was not over his behavior at a BP, it was a disrespect to me nonetheless. I promise you, I was willing to walk away from everything 3 days prior unless he was willing to go full steam ahead with a 'marriage'. Which meant a relationship that included RESPECT, trust, patience etc... my DH slept at his parents house that night... and came home the next day. You can only do what's right for you and your FH.
Is this the man you want to spend your life with? It's that simple. Regardless of what happened, again WRONG. You are going to have to forgive him, and enjoy your wedding.
As far as your Father goes.... I don't have a Father, and kissed my biological Father off a long long time ago, so I'm at a loss for words. All I know is, again, your wedding day is about YOU. Are you going to look back, and be upset that your Father isn't in your pictures walking you down the isle? Won't that be a reminder of what happened? I would think, this would be so far behind you one day, and you'll even laugh at it.... but you'll always know it happened when you looked at your pictures. This is just my opinon though.

FM me if you need to talk to someone who almost called off her wedding the week of her wedding! It wasn't fun, and your first year of marriage isn't a bed of roses. It's about compromise. It is a full time job, responsiblity to your spouse. Is this your fiance? (Sounds like it is to me)

I just wanted to say sorry!
I have no idea how i would react and wouldn't even venture a guess...But we are here for you

WOW violet, i am soooo sorry this happened to you!!!! I would like to say that in no way would there be a wedding if FH did this, but easier said than done when you are not in the situation. I think what your father did was unacceptable, and really really sad. While i think most or all of those things happen at bachelor parties, the licking of her nipples would be reason enough to not marry this guy. You should be very mad at your father, but i wouldnt look at this one thing to make your decision as far as him walking you down the isle... look at how he has been towards you your whole life. Dont be so mad at your dad that you let your DH slide though, IMO. Yes he was probably very drunk, and definitely getting harassed and egged on by his 'buddies', but as my FH and I always say, that is NO EXCUSE. you know what you are doing when you are drunk... it just free's up your inhabitions. I think maybe the only reason he told you was because there were people from your family there, and he figured better you to find out from him then from them, because then it doesnt seem so bad. I think the worst thing is that your wedding is 4 days away, obviously. do what is best for you, like i said the only thing that REALLY bothered me was the nipple licking thing... but i think that is unacceptable. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do..... we can all offer you our support and ears and but in the end... only u know your FH, and if this was a one time thing... good luck

Violet,

first of all- you are not insane- not even close! I would be pissed off by the contact (the licking whipped cream off her, etc...)I would be very pissed about that- some of the other stuff wouldn't bother me- the undressing and stuff. The stripper at my friends bachelorette party stripped himself and the bride and there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it.

I would be so pissed off at my dad if he did that!! That is no way to protect his daughter's interest. But before you kick him out of walking you down the aisle and don't dance with him, talk to him. Explain to him how you feel. You may regret cutting him out of these special parts of the wedding. Just think about it.

Sorry that you even have to thing about this.

wow...i'm so sorry. i would be furious, beyond reasoning, but i would still marry him. don't know why, but i would. but let's just say the honeymoon would not be what it had the potential of being.

I may be in the minority here, but I wouldn't consider it physical cheating, but if the feeling you have are those of hurt, then you have been cheated emotionally......and I do, however consider it extremely disrespectful. The fact that your whole image of the man you want to spend the rest of your life with is not only cheating you, but it cheats him as well.

The person I would be most angry with would be my father & cousin. A father's job is to protect his family and save the feeling of his daughter, not look like a tough guy in front of his expected son-in-law. I, too agree with DjPill & now know why the bride's side should not be there. What makes worse is that your family felt no remorse in explaining the details to you - as if in casual conversation - as if nothing was done to hurt you.

I would still get married, but I would tell your FI that his Bach. Party is the price of your unconditional trust. The fact that he lied to you just iced the cake.

I would not let 'Dad' walk me down the aisle, or even mom for that matter, as she seems to lend no support as well.....


FINALLY....If it appears as though you are on a high horse, it is because they are so low they have to look up that far to see you.....


Hang in there, and FM me if you ever need anything.

Best of Luck. Talk to DH & remember why you want to spend your life with him.

me personally id be furious....
i think id be questioning things.. like maybe he was pressured into a couple things, but to be pressured into so many things?.....


i totally agree with you not wanting your dad to walk you down the isle....
but keep in mind will you regret it years down the road?.. just things to think of

Marry him!!!

All he was under was per pressure......It could happen to anyone, I am sure he was drinking and you had your family members egging him on. They are to blame as well.