Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I'm sorry you have to go through this at all. I don't care what anyone says, nobody can force your FH (or anyone) to do anything at a bachelor party, and just that fact that it is a 'bachelor party' does not excuse any and all behavior. I cannot even imagine your father being involved in this whole thing. Whether or not it is cheating doesn't really matter - what matters is that you are hurt and you think it was inappropriate, and your entire family should have known better. There is no simple answer here for anything - whether or not to postpone the wedding, to have your father walk you down the aisle or to dance with him. If I were you, I'd definitely have more of a talk with your FH and your father to really get to the heart of this. Make your father understand how hurt you are and try to find out why your FH felt he 'had' to do these things. I don't know if there's anyway you can forget about this in four days because you seem extremely upset. You'll make the right decisions for you - just go with your feelings.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

'at least he didn't stick a banana in her '

Nope, she did that to herself. Along with various other toys.

Forgot to mention that, didn't I?

Okay, now I'm really going to get ready. Will be back in a little while!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I can't believe any of this... I just finished reading all these pages and I am dumbfounded. Just completely beside myself... I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation. I am soo sorry that you are going through all of this and that you have such little time to sort things out.

I suggest that you and FH try to get into a counselling session or two right away - I don't care how sorry he is, he needs to understand why what he did has jeapordized your whole relationship.

As far as your parents go, I would certainly nix the parent dance (if you decide to go through with it) then have a long sit down with the two of them. Your father behaved like a child and your mother supported it. That is inexcusable.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I understand your conflicted feelings about your dad I'd say wait as long as you can to decide. let him, you arenot sure if you want him to walk you down now, and decide the night before.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am at a lose of words. I think you should follow your heart. True forgiveness will take time, think about if you can one day look past this and not hold it against you FH years later.

Good Luck!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

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Posted by violetfairy

'at least he didn't stick a banana in her '

Nope, she did that to herself. Along with various other toys.

Forgot to mention that, didn't I?

Okay, now I'm really going to get ready. Will be back in a little while!

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Damn! were they shooting a porno? That is so tasteless.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Violet..I am so sorry this happened!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.
When my husband went to his BP they went to an actual club and he told me that the strippers pulled him onto stage and took off his shirt and his belt than while he was sitting they ripped the waistband off of his undies then the beat him with his own belt in front of everyone and poured cold water on him but he assured me that his pants did not come down.

I found this very disturbing and now reading your story I'm even more disturbed. I personally find things like this extremely hurtful and to think that my own family were involved would make it even worse.
Hopefully, you are strong enough to get through this.

I'm a weakling for things like this and I don't think I would be able to go through with it nor would I ever want anything to do with the family members involved.

I feel your heartache. Lots of luck to you.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Honestly, I seem to be in the minority, but I don't consider that cheating. Tasteless and disrespectful, yes. If I found out about it, which I would honestly rather not, I would be pissed and we would definitely fight. But I wouldn't call of the marriage for his childish behavior. JMHO

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

ALL OF IT!!!!
crazy... marriage
it shouldnt have gone that far!

I am so sorry violet.....

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

-Letting stripper lick whipped cream off his body

-Licking whipped cream off the stripper's nipples

-Letting her dry-hump him while he lies on the floor

-Letting her put a dildo over his crotch and pretend to give him a blow job

i say these

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

That is def cheating in my book. I would not walk down the aisle to someone who had just a week before licked whip cream off some other girls body parts.......

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Violet I really don't know waht to say about your FH and the stripper, I don't think he wanted to do all those things but felt pressured into it. You have to make whatever decision you make on your own knowing what FH is normally like and that he wouldn't normally do this. But it's your decision to make and I'm sure you';ll make the best one for you.

Maybe this is harsh, but if this happened to me I would tell EVERYONE about how your dad MADE your future husband suck this stripper's tits. Including grandparents, aunts, uncles,friends of your parents, etc. Shame the hell out of your father. Maybe what I'm saying sounds just as childish but it seems to me he's not 'getting it' that you're upset. Maybe he needs to see that his behavior is not normal by most people's standards.

Many for you.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Violet, I feel for you...I don't even know what to say to you to comfort you...One thing is, you are the only one that truly knows your FH..You are the one that knows if he is like this or if this truly was something that he did bc of pressure. I honestly can't say though that there was no blame to be put on him...There is no way that you can't say no no matter the pressure! It is your Bachelor party & what you say, is what goes...

As for your dad, I can't believe it...He is the one that is suppose to be there for you & knows how much this means to you...For him to go out of his way & have your FH do that, it is just unforgiveable. I would not be able to forgive him!

I know that I would never allow my FH to have a bachelor party in a private home...i have heard what happened at your FH's happen before though...

We are all here for you! I for you! Hang in there & try to keep your head high!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I just came online and read all these messages. I am very sorry for Violet that she is going thru this situation. It must be awkward, hurtful, and what makes me more puzzled is your father's behavior. You MUST speak to your father and to your FH and let them know how you feel. Everyone sees things differently so by judging your father's response of telling others, for him, it's no big deal. I think you should definitely express how you feel because it will help you to come to terms with the situation. And you should do the same with your FH. I find that your FH came clean because he knew what was coming. People do silly things under pressure but if you really don't want to do something, you wouldn't do it. I feel that he did things that I'd consider cheating. How would he feel if you would have done that with a stripper? Even though, I'd never consider doing any of it as payback, it will give you a chance to speak to your father and dad as to how you feel. The fact that these men were having sex with this stripper is so gross considering all the diseases that are out there...what the heck were they thinking...even if they were using protection...just the thought of it makes me sick. I think I'd be extremely upset and I'm really sorry you are going through this. I think I'd still dance with my father. He has been my father since I have commonsense so one incident is not going to change that and therefore I'd not want to have any regrets later that I didn't dance with him. I'd not take that moment from him but I'd DEFINITELY sit down and talk to him and sort my feelings to him and how hurt that situation made me. You gave us room for us to consider in our relationships and to plan ahead with our FHs the kind of party that we can tolerate. I'd definitely get married because I'm in love but I think that in each relationship once you set the ground rules of what you can tolerate or what you won't, your partner definitely knows better. Sooo sorry you are going through this but I think the only way is for you to be open and accept how you feel and let them know by talking to them how this situation has somewhat damaged your relationship with them. Time heals and time will help. I send you

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

This I'd consider cheating:

-Letting stripper lick whipped cream off his body

-Licking whipped cream off the stripper's nipples

-Letting her dry-hump him while he lies on the floor

And in the last one...he had clothes on?


Just the thought of all of this makes me nauseous....and very very

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I'm so sorry this happened!! I would be really upset too. It sounds like your FH really is upset about what happened and was more of a pawn in this whole thing. Your dad on the other hand...I just don't know what to say. Talk things through with everyone, they need to understand what you're feeling and that their actions hurt you.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

ALL OF IT IS CHEATING!!

Oh my goodness. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. When I read this, I literally got nauseaus and angry. I have spoken with FH about this before - about his bachelor party and his friends/brothers. This doesnt just happen to guys at THEIR party, but at others also.

To be honest, being that you only have a few days to stew over it - it is tough. I can honestly say that since I already spoke to FH about this I would be royally pissed. I actually think I may call the wedding off, if not postpone it at least.

Ok, so his excuse is his friends egged him on at his bachelor party. Well, what if in a few months his friends have a party for another guy, with a stripper, and she does 'lap dances' for other men besides the groom just like at his? UNACCEPTABLE!

The thought of him doing that a few days before our wedding would make me sick.

And no offense, but your father needs to get a clue!

THis settles it, I am having another talk with FH about his bachelor party, as well as his friends bachelor parties, AND my brother is DEFINETLY going to supervise and he will report back to me with every detail! LOL

I always thought this was just a 'myth' but more and more stories are coming out about crazy stuff happening and its making me really nervous.

VioletFairy - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I really have no words of advice for you - but you really need to think this over seriously & have some serious discussions with FH and your father - maybe even talk to them together.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Put yourself FIRST in any decision you make about this - your father had enough 'moments' at the bachelor party and in my opinion, he does not deserve any moments like walking you down the aisle or the father daughter dance.

ok, the other thing is - if you don't have him do those things - people might talk and ask if there is anything wrong. . . but i'm SO PISSED for you that i'd overlook that.

I would NOT have him walk you down the aisle - i'd either go alone and have FH meet me half way - and then walk the rest together - or have someone else do it - but not him.

re: the father/daughter dance - i'd either dance with him while your FH is dancing with his mother - or I'd dance with him for like 20 seconds and then invite any other fathers and daughters or mothers and sons to join you - so that it is less his 'moment'

I'm SO SORRY this happened and feel free to vent 24/7 about this - WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I just read all of this and am overwhelmed. It is truly a brides worse nightmare. I am so very sorry that you have to have these thoughts going into such a special and beautiful day. I completely agree with all the anger you do/should and must be feeling.

However, in the interest of having the spiritual and happy day you were hoping for here is my advice.......again I absolutely think what they did is wrong/inconsiderate/hurtful and a hundred other not so nice things....but.....

......one day or bad event does not turn people you have known and loved for years into evil people. Try to remember the reasons why you wanted to walk down the aisle on your father's arm and why you wanted your FH to be at the end of the ailse waiting for you. You know them for the people they truly are. Those reasons should outweigh the awful event and hopefully should help you find it in your heart to forgive them.....so the day can be about the love of the people around you. If you find that it is does not outweigh the bad...than you have every right to not have your dad walk you.....or marry at all.

I just do not want you to let this take anymore attention away from what should be a great day. You will have the rest of your life to make your FH and Dad pay!! I see some guilt gifts in you future!! Hang in there