WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I feels so sad for you.

My first thought was that it was no ones fault but fh's-
Then I thought some more and I started feeling bad for him, too.

He must have been mortified, especially since your DAD made him do it- He would have been so embarrassed to have to say no to your dad.

So my thought is this - let it go on all counts. I know this is easier said than done, but I do not think the wedding should be cancelled for this, so you might as well let it go so you can be happy.
As far as your dad, let him walk you down the aisle- my reason is that in 10 or 20 years this won;t seem as important and you may be sad to not have that dance with him.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!

I hope you are feeling better today sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

violetfairy--just wanted to see how you're feeling today. You were definitely on a lot of minds yesterday!!! Hope you're doing ok!!!

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through....we all say no my man wouldn't do this or that... BS you never know
it is how life goes (unexpected)

I can't imagine how your father would do something like this
as for someone said before that your dad must really like your FH.... I don't agree.... He could also dislike him and be trying to sabotage something

as for the bride's side shouldn't be there.... why not?
what if a brother is in the wedding party
nothing should go on that isn't supposed to ...bottom line
you are marrying this guy and he should know right from wrong and shouldn't have to hide anything from the bride's family

i hope everything works out for you and only you can decide what you want

Why is peer pressure an excuse? He's a big boy, he can make his own decisions.

My FH was rather disgusted with it all, and said that there is nothing anyone can do to make him do something he doesn't want to.

VioletFairy - how are you doing? How did the dress tryon go?

I know a moron girl who told her FH it was 'okay' to get a BJ at his bachelor party as long as he wore a condom!!!

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Posted by pinkgirl

I would say that

-Letting stripper lick whipped cream off his body (only if it is his private parts)

-Licking whipped cream off the stripper's nipples

would be cheating. It is normal for a stipper to do all that stuff to a guy-like stripping him down. But if he does something TO the stripper then that is cheating. Or if the stripper does ANYTHING to his private parts.

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I agree

Violet - I hope everything is ok - I cant stop thinking about you horrible situation. Please let us know how your doing.

Violet, I am so sorry that this is going on right now. How horrible for you!

I know I am in the minority here, but to me these things are not cheating - or at least they wouldn't be in my relationship. That is not to say, however, that what happenned was not disrespectful and crass, not to mention degrading to the entirety of our gender- and your poor fiance! Regardless of my ongoing crusade for feminism, there are some important things to keep in mind here, that I hope, will help to mitigate the situation some.

I am sure that there was no positive emotional content in the situation what so ever. Most likely there was only embarassment. Nor was there any positive physical sensation on her part. She was a stripper performing a role. These acts are incredibly different than you doing them with your fiance, when they are filled with love and meaning. You have his heart, and for the rest of your lives, his body.

Remember also that this was an abberation. The bachelor party is supposedly a time when the bachelor 'gets to' do things he specifically will never ever do again, because he is comitting his whole being to you. Perhaps it is that because he was able to do these things on that night that he will never stray - perhaps he got them out of his system. I would much rather have my fiance have one night of unemotional debauchery that I know about then worry for the rest of my life that he is thinking that he missed something.

I know a lot of men for whom the bachelor party only reaffirms their commitment to their future wives, because the shallow raunchiness of the situation contrasts so sharply and disfavorably with the specialness that they share with their beloved.

It sounds as if he was very embarassed and uncomfortable. It is wonderful that he told you, and even that he held the thing with the nipples back - it just goes to show that he was REALLY (and appropriately!) embarassed about that.

Marry him. Forgive him. Love him.

Your dad and your cousin, on the other hand, are jerks. (no offense) It is sickening to think of the fact that people so close to you demeaned your relationship and your fiance in such a manor as to reduce the same physical acts of love to such a disgusting level as to coerce a soon-to-be-married man into them.

You know, it reminds me of that song from Mary Poppins: 'Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid.'

Ladies please!

First off it is his Bachelor Party. You aren't even supposed to know what does or does not happen. Plus it is his BACHLOR PARTY! I totally trust my fiance, but I have told him since before we ever got engaged the night of the bachlor party he has the 'night off.' I know damn well he wouldn't sleep with someone else, especially a stripper who gets paid to be a tease. Your mother is right. Shake it off. Don't be mad at your father. He was just hanging with the boys. Ever think that maybe it is cold feet or stress from planning the wedding that is getting to you and not the bachlor party. Enjoy your wedding. Marry the boy. Enjoy your life together and make sure you have lots of sex on the honeymoon. That will fix it all.

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The bachelor party is supposedly a time when the bachelor 'gets to' do things he specifically will never ever do again, because he is comitting his whole being to you. Perhaps it is that because he was able to do these things on that night that he will never stray - perhaps he got them out of his system.

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WHOA! Yes, the bachelor party is a night to have fun with his friends - its NOT an excuse to perform sexual acts with other women. A man's opportunity to do these things is BEFORE he enters a committed relationship: dating/engagement. The bachelor party is a celebration/get-together. It is not a 'last chance'/'last call' for other women. That is what his single days were for. NOT what being in a committed dating relationship/engagement is all about.

That definition of a bachelor party is appalling and frankly it makes my stomach turn to think that women would actually approve of such acts.

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You aren't even supposed to know what does or does not happen. Plus it is his BACHLOR PARTY! I totally trust my fiance, but I have told him since before we ever got engaged the night of the bachlor party he has the 'night off.' I know damn well he wouldn't sleep with someone else, especially a stripper who gets paid to be a tease.

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Why can't a bride know what her groom is doing on his bachelor party? He should have nothing to hide.

He has the 'night off' ??? - well, my FH's 'nights off' were before he met me...that should be good enough for him.

Wait, if he has the night off, doesn't that mean he IS allowed to sleep with the stripper who's being paid to tease him?

I don't want to marry a guy who feels like I'm the job he needs a 'night off' from.

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Posted by bm201

Why can't a bride know what her groom is doing on his bachelor party? He should have nothing to hide.

He has the 'night off' ??? - well, my FH's 'nights off' were before he met me...that should be good enough for him.

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Amen to that!

FH and I had a serious talk last night, and we established a NO TOUCHING rule, as well as a strip CLUB only rule, no private homes strippers.

I have a Friend who used to be a Stripper, and when SHE tells me to be afraid, I listen.

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Posted by sams

Enjoy your life together and make sure you have lots of sex on the honeymoon. That will fix it all.

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That's a healthy solution. . .

Violet, I hope you are doing ok.

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Posted by keohime

...
Remember also that this was an abberation. The bachelor party is supposedly a time when the bachelor 'gets to' do things he specifically will never ever do again, because he is comitting his whole being to you. Perhaps it is that because he was able to do these things on that night that he will never stray - perhaps he got them out of his system. I would much rather have my fiance have one night of unemotional debauchery that I know about then worry for the rest of my life that he is thinking that he missed something.

I know a lot of men for whom the bachelor party only reaffirms their commitment to their future wives, because the shallow raunchiness of the situation contrasts so sharply and disfavorably with the specialness that they share with their beloved.
...

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I think this should all happen well before he proposes and the committment (IMO) starts well before the proposal.

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And, I wonder how the men would feel if you let a stripper lick whipped cream off your nipples? My DH was kind of like holy sh!t and smiling thinking it's a bit much but it's a b-party, until I turned it around like that and all of a sudden it became a big deal to him.

Perhaps someone can clarify this for me - why is it that throughout the course of our relationship my FH is expected to act with respect - no one night stands, no meanless encounters - yet he's 'allowed' one night right before our WEDDING to throw caution to the wind? I just don't get this idea. Why is it excusable under the guise of a 'bachelor party'?

I understand you want to hang out with the guys but you get to do that whenever you want - want to go to a strip club with them - why before the wedding? Don't get me wrong - my FH is welcome to do this with the understanding that there are rules/expectations that go both ways (him and I) and above all - act the way you would if I was there with you and how you would want me to act. There's no need to touch or come into contact - you wanna watch - fine but why go further? You aren't lacking THAT in your life.

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Posted by laudipop

Wait, if he has the night off, doesn't that mean he IS allowed to sleep with the stripper who's being paid to tease him?

I don't want to marry a guy who feels like I'm the job he needs a 'night off' from.

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I could not have said it better!!!