Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

Someone asked on the 04 Brides board what we all felt was too young to get married.

The feeling I got so far from the post is that one should be aleast 23 or 25 to 'settle down'. I know that there are some on this board who are younger than this!

My question, and actually anyone can answer:
How old were you when you got engaged and how did your family react.


I know someone who got engaged at 19 and her parents flipped to put it mildly!
I also know someone who got engaged at 18 and her mom was on cloud 9. So it obviously can differ

I was 24 and I know my parents couldnt have been more excited! They were more anxious than I was about when my FH would fnally pop the question!

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I got engaged at 26. My parents have been asking me since last April, when the grandchildren are coming!! I think it depends and the maturity of the person and the time they are at in their life. MY FH's parents on the other hand, are not ready for grandchildren and i think they just starting to relize their baby is getting married in 8 months!

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I was 23 when FH and I got engaged. My mom, dad and grandparents were thrilled. But they did want me to finish law school and take the bar before we got married which was fine with me since I wanted to wait also. I will be 25 when we get married. However, if I would've gotten engaged at 18 or 19 I know my mom would have flipped out.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I'm 28! I was 27 when we were engaged, but 18, FI 19 when we first started going out. Obviously we were meant to be together, but we both had tons of growing up to do.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

We started dating when i was 23 and he was almost 28. we got engaged last april and i was 25. i'm now 26 and he'll be 31 when we get married. compared to my family, i'm old!!! ha ha. my family could have been a bit more excited. they are crazy! they worry about him and his job not being entirely secure, but ask when the babies are coming!!! hello???? not married, no health insurance, no job (yet! i just graduated), no house!!! and you want us to add a baby to the mix??? hell no!!! i posted on the other board too. each situation is unique.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

Well everyone knows my thoughts on this 'age' issue. But my parents were obviously not thrilled, it took a couple of months for them to warm up to it and now my mother is very excited. I just had to graduate college first(this year), which was fine by me becasue that was our plan anyway. I think my sister traumatized them with her sooner than necessary nuptuals, they were still jaded.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

my friend whom we dont talk to very much that we attended there wedding was 19 (Bride) at the wedding. he was 21. they started going out at 17(bride). They started going out after me and my FW. we got engaged at 5 yr mark. they got married in 3 and alot younger.. I thought she was mature enough to handle it but i was wrong. the wedding was in june 03...still havn't received a thank you gift...ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Maturity is one thing but it relates to age...
i think 23 - 27 is good! (i'm 25, she is 24)

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I was 22 when I got engaged and my FI and I had been dating for about 3 1/2 years. My family was estatic about our engagment, but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that my FI has a good full-time job and I was almost finished with school.

However, some of my friends are totally not at the same stage as us and probably feel that we are a little too young for marriage.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

i had to pull this out for this one

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had just turned 21 and
he was about to turn 23
my parents were very happy
I remember after the first time we kissed
I had even said to my mother that i knew he was goona be the one..
his mom was so happy too
She had told me the sencond time that she had prayed for 'me' to come into his life and that the first time she met me ,she knew GOD had answered her prayers
his dad im not sure

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I just want to say I was 19 when we got engaged and will be 21 when we get married. Obviously we have a different situation involved b/c of our son. But that is not the reason we are getting married.. that was something that had been decided before I was even pregnant. Both of our families couldnt be happier and no one has a problem with my age.. I agree it is different for everyone I have a few friends that are older then me and are no where near ready for marriage. I grew up alot faster then most. I also know people who got married a little younger then I will be on the big day and they have now been happily married for years with 2 kids and a big beautiful house etc. It really does depend on the person and the couple.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I was 29 when we got engaged...FH was 39...obviouslly, we are old enough. But...I believe that it is a state of mind, maturatity and understanding that this is a lifetime commitment. So, I don't really think age matters in some respects. NYCHICK is very young...but others who are the same age are nowhere near ready!

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

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Posted by luvsun27

I was 29 when we got engaged...FH was 39...obviouslly, we are old enough. But...I believe that it is a state of mind, maturatity and understanding that this is a lifetime commitment. So, I don't really think age matters in some respects. NYCHICK is very young...but others who are the same age are nowhere near ready!

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I totally agree. My mom would've been upset if I got engaged at the age of 18 or 19 b/c she knew I wasn't ready (and I totally WASN'T).

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

i'm an old fart.

engaged at 29 will be turning 31 when married.

all i can say is that it was a good thing that i did not get engaged to the boyfriend i was dating in my early twenties. my parents were worried about that but kept their traps shut. only later did i find out exactly how relieved they were when we broke up...

it totally depends on the individuals and their maturity level. one can be 21 and mature, one can be 35 and immature (my FH case and point). the number one thing couples fight about is $$, so my advice to everyone here is whatever your financial situation may be, make sure the two of you are on the SAME PAGE.

my take - if two people are responsible, love and respect each other, then age really does not matter all that much. but with age does come 'wisdom'...

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

i do think that its harder for couples that have been together since a very young age 14,15,16 to stay faithful to eachother down the road ,i personally think that its better to go out and experience the world and get hurt a few times before you settle down ..
but its hard for it to last and both to truly be happy if the person you settle down with is the one who had hurt you ...
if that makes any sense

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

i will be 22 when i get married, he proposed when I was 20....

he did tell me he was thinking about proposing when I was 19...but i had told him while dating that for somereason I felt 19 was young(and also thought everyone else would feel that way)... I felt 20 was better cause it was no longer a teen(nine-teen)..

when he proposed we had been dating 2 1/2 years and our family was all happy for us
*(except for the jealous side)

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I always think this subject is funny--

I am from the South and will be 25 when I get married (engaged at 24). It's sad to say, but alot of Southern people feel that 25 is old. I got engaged here in NYC, and all my friends here think I am too young.

I know that I am ready, so it doesn't matter if I am 20, 25, 30--

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I think I was ready at 24 but it would have freaked people out, mostly becaues we only met when we were 23 & his mother used to make comments about that being so young.

Persoannly, I thin we waited longer that neccesary, I thought I was goignt o get soem ' about time' comments from my family, but those came mostly from my (single)friends. But that has to do with the 4+ years of dating, not the almost being 28.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

I'm 23, and will just have turned 24 when we get married.

I am getting married younger than most of my family - my mom was 27, dad 25, one uncle was 29 and his wife I think was 27.

My parents were thrilled for me - they love Adam and they knew this was coming. My aunts were off the walls, my uncles were more subdued. But all in all, everyone was happy. They all like Adam, so that's good.

If I had gotten engaged while still in college, I think my parents would have blown their tops. I remember when a friend of mine got engaged during college, I told my dad and his reaction was 'I'm sorry to hear that.'

But they were all smiles and hugs when we told them.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

Just wanted to repost my comment from the '04 board:

My FH and I were 20 and 21 when we got engaged. (Everyone I know and care about was ecstatic...age wasnt even the slightest issue.) I won’t bother to try and prove why im ready to get married, because other people’s posts have already shown that it is possible. Everyone has their own unique set of circumstances. I just wanted to make one point. It is ok to come to the conclusion that if you take some random sample of couples under 23, and investigate each couple’s maturity, etc that a large majority are not ready for marriage. However, it’s not ok to come across a young couple you don’t even know, and just assume they are part of that majority. It’s really sad to know that random people pass me in the hallway at work, see a ring on my finger, and automatically fit me into the “she’s way too young to get married” category. (and I have the added problem of looking younger than I actually am.) The point is: I think everyone should try to stay aware of the subconscious labels you may put on people by taking a generalization and applying it to individuals. Wait until you get to know someone before you make a judgment.

Re: Spinoff from a post on the 04 board about Too young to get married

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Posted by dmu0221

(and I have the added problem of looking younger than I actually am.)

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I have that too!!! i am 26 and i still get carded for friggin R rated movies!!!

it's hard for everyone to keep a marriage going these days. most marriages break up b/c of $$$ and unless you have learned financial responsiblities and how to communicate, you have added pressure on you. in all honesty, i was an old 20 year old. i could have handled the responsibilities of marriage then. but i didn't know how to communicate. i held it all in. i still do but i am learning and getting better.
i agree that no one should pass judgements especially based on looks. yet i also think that people who are married know that it is HARD and at 20 life is hard. i wish everyone the best of luck b/c this was a tricky post and it really makes you question who you are as an adult.