got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

now that im back from my honeymoon and all the hoopla is over i can vent.

many of our guests did not give gifts. not even a card. 14 people!

5 are his groomsmen inclduing his two best men!! did they think they didnt have to b/c they were in bridal party? but they didnt even get a card. and two a re married with kids!

besides that, several of our guests responded with a date and showed up solo which cost us.

and 2 couples and a guest responded, never showed up and never called or sent a card/gift!!!

im a little peeved. I know i would never do such a thing. some of his friends forgot their cards and sent them to us the next day.

and two of our checks we got from guests bounced!!!


so my questions are?

what do you do about people who respond but dont show up?
bounced checks? can i redeposit a second time?
people who didnt give at all? i know you cant really say anything but its eating me alive!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I cant answer your questions b/c I honestly dont know what to do and dont want to give you bad advice -
but I would be so pissed if I were you! how rude and irresponcible!!! not even a card? That is so tacky!! Im so sorry

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

wow that stinks.. If it was me I would call or have someone( husband, MIL, your mom ect) call the people whose checks bounced. They may be a bit embarresed but you should give them the heads up before resubmitting the checks.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

hello glad yr back safely

i think abt that - no gift, bounce chk etc
ESPECAILLY the no shows as we have to pay for that plate - i just hope other guest will be more considerate.

wish there was a tackful way to
say ' CASH Only pls.

LADYPRINCESS
3.5.5.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

You can redeposit the checks a second time. If they are returned once again, then the makers will get them back.
As some one said, you should call these people and let them know their checks bounced. You should also mention any fees you might have occured (if your bank charged you anything.)

I can't believe how rude people are sometimes!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

wow!!! that is tacky!
Yeah and that is a sticky situation... the only other thing that could have happened but i hate to say it but i have heard it before is that someone took them.... not so uncommon these days
That is why i would say or mention something to those who did not give a gift

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do but Vent and get it out at this point -
People are RUDE ! - especially your husband's own best friends ?? !! -
As for the bounced checks, try to deposit them one more time - If that doesn't work
I wouldn't go calling people to say 'hey your check bounced' - I guess you just have to take it -

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

im sorry that happned to you. i would re deposit the checks that bounced sometimes i myself forget to transfer money from one account to the other so i can see people forgetting to do so. as per the 5 people in your bridal party that didnt even give a card thats pretty awful.. are you sure they werent lost or something?

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I'm sorry to hear all this!

People are unbelievable!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

See my response on the BHB board...or wait-
Hah, it's pretty funny isn't it? I couldn't believe it myself. We had about ten people give nothing...not even a card.
DH's friends chipped in an bought us some china, at a total cost of $38 per person...no cards from them either and they were all in the wedding party.
We had one couple give us a card that said they were going to give us $100 but they had car trouble...Beat that one!!
We didn't get any bounced checks...Thank God. But I am not really sure what you are supposed to do about that. The person who wrote the check knows it bounced. It happened to someone I know and they just ignored it.
I think we have to send these people thank you's and just write Thank you for coming.
Remember, they are not required to bring anything...we invited them

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by gertyrae

Remember, they are not required to bring anything...we invited them

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This is the view I have. If people give gifts it's wonderful, if they don't I am not going to sweat it.

Did the GM's pay a lot to be in the wedding? I can say from personal experience that I didn't want to give a gift on top of a $1300 expense for my FH to be a best man in a wedding. We did, and IMO a generous one at that, but I still wasn't too happy about it and was expecting the groom to say and/or hint that a gift would not be necessary. This is why I am covering the wedding related expenses for my BM's.

Sad to say but males typically are not good about these things. Many of them are not 'card people'. Not an excuse, but not unheard of at the same time...

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I'm sure that you are not the only one who has gone through this. As far as, 'getting stiffed' goes, bite your tounge. You may want to say something, but I'm sure you will regret it if you do.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Some of the stuff is terrible, like the bounced checks, and people not showing up without calling. But not getting a gift/card at the reception is actually ok. Wedding etiquette allows you as a guest to get the couple a gift up to their 1st anniversary. So cross your fingers.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

i understand the whole year to give a gift but im just surprised about the groomsmen, 5 of them out of 11 and the 2 bets men.. not even a card! 2 of the groomsmen that did give a card and gift were my brother in law and my brother...

granted they paid for their tuxes- except one, my husband picked up tux for one of his friends in the wedding and he laid out the money.. never got a card or gift or the reinbursment for the tux!!!

my fiance bought them tix to yankee games and gave best men autographed sports framed pics! and hes was in two of their weddings and gave them a gift! thats really the only thing they paid for. best man organized bachelor party to new orleans and most of the guys couldnt go fromt he bridal party. the 10 guys that did go all chipped in and they gave su gifts! and my husband picked

meanwhile my girls threw me a shower and bought me beautiful gifts including a digital camera, and they paid for their dresses shoes etc. and they gave me beautiful cards and such generous gifts!

until you go through this, you wont fully understand....

the thing that really pissed me off is the no shows that responded yes- no phone call or card! and the ones that responded with a date and came solo. thats the ones that really got to me.

i just would never do that to anyone and have not and i cant understand people sometimes. I have been in so many wedding parties and have given gifts in addition to the expenses i laid out.

just surprised me thats all..

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I'm totally with you about the no-shows. I would be pissed off too. Its one thing if something comes up last minute, but you call and leave a message or something. That's just rude.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Holy shït. I can't imagine people not giving a gift of some sort, even a card. What the hell is wrong with people. No manners. The people who didn't show, I wouldn't speak to again.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I was reading your post outloud to my FH we are both speechless....personally I don't think I would run after anyone or call about bounced checks....I'd be a b***h and mail them their damn check back certified receipt mail with no note they would get the hint! And as far as waiting a year for someone to send something bunk that, it's over and done with, it's like begging....they were your guests they have no class and tha't the end of it...people know you did not host a wedding for free!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

actually people are telling me to redeposit it. you can do that. ill try again... the other check is from my brother... he gave us a check from the account he had closed.. he picked up his old checkbook...that ill accept

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

i redeposted one that bounced AGAIN!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I'm sorry for the no-shows and with guest problems but the gifts? It's JMO but I don't think anyone has to give me a gift, even a card, the wedding is not about that. I dont think you meant to say ' stiffed' but thats pretty harsh. Again, its just me, but I will not accept gifts from any of our wedding party, they spent enough on showers, dresses, tux's, dresses and bachlor/ette parties to be expected to hand us money afterwards is not what I want.
A polite way of saying 'cash only' would be to say please dont come to my wedding unless you plan to pay. I'm sorry to offend, seems Im the only one to see it this way- but it's not tacky what happened, it's human nature...things happen.
Those people who's checks bounced must feel horrible and embarrassed and know that you are talking about them now. The best way to come out on top is to count your blessings for what you did get.