I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

My aunt, (my father's sister) passed away in December just about 6 months before my father. Dad never knew because he had been ill and incapacitated. They are both buried in the same family plot (G-d bless my grandfather as he got a deal on 16 graves MANY years ago).

Some of you may (or may not) know, in the Jewish faith, the footstone at the grave is not laid and set until a certain period of time has passed after the death. During that time, a mourner is not to visit the grave to mourn for the deceased. However, my cousins who lost their mother came to the grave for my Dad's funeral in July. I didnt think they would come because they were still in mourning. After talking to my cousin, she told me that she was not there for her mother but for her uncle, my dad. I thought that was an amazing show of strength because she would in fact see the temporary grave marker with her mother's name on it - and I told her she was very brave for doing so - she is much older than I.

So now it is the time for the unveiling of the permanent stone for my aunt and I am faced with almost the same situation. Dad passed just about 2 months ago - our period of mourning is not even close to over but I can technically still show respect to my aunt's memory. However, I know for fact that I am not emotionally ready to go back to the cemetary yet. I won't be able to hold it together. I can't be there for my aunt's memory wholeheartedly when I am looking at my father's grave.

My cousins really do not have anyone and they need the support just as much as I did and still do. I am going to go, but I will be a mess. Sorry to be morbid and sad, I just have moments and they are more frequent than I thought they would be. I have a lot of healing and peace making left to do with G-d. Thanks for providing an arena for me to vent.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I think that you are doing the right thing by going to the unveiling. I KNOW that your dad would be extremely proud of you for going. May g-d grant you strength and peace.
Love,
Lisa

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

May these carry you through the day.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

you are unfortunately faced with such a difficult decision and i know it is going to be hard for you to be there...all i can say is that you are a strong woman and your father would want you to do this...lots of hugs to you

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

I know that we really do not know eachother but I have to be honest that just the fact that you know it is important to be there for your family is admirable. Family is all that you have and even though it will be tough-you show people just how strong you are ( I am sure even stronger then you think)

If you ever need to talk just FM us~

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

as hard as it is, i feel you are making the right decision. i also think your father would be very proud of you. it will be difficult, but i think you will find your strength in the comfort of your family.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

You are so brave in so many ways, especially for being honest about your feelings.
I can only offer you an ear to listen. What do you think your dad would want you to do. I'm sure no matter what you choose, your father would be very proud of you.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

Thats very hard... Your cousins will be very grateful to see you there.. you don't need to worry about being strong, it is ok to cry. I know about the tradition, but you can still grieve for your father's death, no matter wear you are. Much love

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

oh Leslie, I know that is going to be so hard for you. I can't imagine how your cousins will feel knowing your are showing your support when you are still in so much pain.

I must tell you that the way you've handled your father's passing has actually given me a sense of comfort in dealing with my own loss. October 7 (my grandfathers 70 birthday) we are going to the cemetary to inter his urn at the mausoleum. it will be my last goodbye. I hope I can be as strong for my grandma as you want to be for your cousins.

I am sure your dad would be so proud of you and of your thoughtfulness towards your other family members....I am always available if you want to talk. My grandfather was really a father to me- I really feel your pain.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

Leslie, I'm so sorry, first off. I had been away from the site for a while I didn't know that your dad had passed.
You can do it. I know it will be very very hard, but your cousins made it through it when they went for your dad. That should give you a little strength. Even though you feel you are not ready to be near your dad's grave, it might actually help you in your grieving process. Just know that we are here and you can vent away.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

WOw Leslie.. I know its hard to stay strong, but it is okay to cry. We are here for you.. always remember that. My thoughts & prayers are with you

heres some hugs too

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

I'm so sorry, Leslie!!! These things just don't get any easier. I know it's difficult but I'm proud of you for going, you know your cousins need you and it's good that you'll be there for them.

I'm sure when they were there for your father they were also thinking of their mother. Everyone will understand your emotional state and you probably won't be the only one who is going to be a mess. Just remember that your father would want you to be there for your aunt and your cousins, that's the only way you'll get through this.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

Leslie, I don't know what to say except that we love you and we are here for you.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

I agree that it is a wonderful, kind gesture to go to the unveiling. I wish you peace and serenity (wow, I sound like a hippie). We are all here for you.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

You have such strength and I admire you so much.

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

wow, that's really a tough situation.

I wish I had words of wisdom for you.

talk to your cousin and see what she says. good luck!

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

All I can give are and many For you during this time

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

as hard as it will be, i think you need to be there for them as they were for you.

and many to you

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

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Posted by lrs2005

I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I think that you are doing the right thing by going to the unveiling. I KNOW that your dad would be extremely proud of you for going. May g-d grant you strength and peace.
Love,
Lisa

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I coulnd't have said it any better!

Re: I have to do something that I don't know if I can do (sort of long and sad)...

I want you to know that I completely understand what you are going through. My mom passed away 2 months ago and I dont think I would be able to visit her just yet. It is still too new and too painful to even think about. If I were in your situation I would feel exactly the same. Your cousins do need you and I am sure they will be there to support you. You can be strong and get through it. My thoughts are with you.