Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

So I went to my cousins wedding in Maryland this weekend. It was very different from my own wedding. So my aunt was telling me how she didn't feel she should have to give the same gift to my cousin as she had given me. The biggest differences were that mine was at night and his was during the day. Mine had open bar with top shelf liquor and his was beer and wine. And mine was the typical cocktail hour and sit-down dinner, his was short cocktail hour and buffet dinner. It was just weird. But I guess that's the way they do it in MD. Plus, when they introduced the bridal party and my cousin there was no music. Weird. And they served all the food together. As soon as I finished my dinner coffee was being served. The music didn't start until after dessert was served, which by the way was served about 2 hours before the wedding cake. When I went there, I didn't want to compare weddings because I don't want to be one of those brides. I actually thought it was going to be a really fun wedding because my cousin and his wife have a lot of friends so it should have been a great crowd. But I have to say I was so disappointed. And the thing that bothered me the most, besides the no liquor part, was that when we requested a song from the DJ, he said he had to get the song approved by the bride. And she wouldn't approve it!!!!! What is that about?!?!?! What is wrong with Kanye West? We were told certain musical genres, such as dance music and hip-hop, were not allowed to be played per the bride. I felt like I was at a bar, but in a wedding hall. I love Dave Mathews, but can I really dance to it? No. As a result the dance floor was pretty much empty the entire night.

Anyway, my point is that my aunt thought that the cost comparison between the two weddings didn't even compare. So she felt, since they skimped on the bar tab, why couldn't she skimp on his gift? I told her she had to do the right thing and give him what she gave me, which she did. But she felt it was unfair that he should get the same as me. She was really pissed about the no liquor thing.


Would you give a gift according to the price of the wedding?

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I always give what I can afford, no matter what. but if the B&G couldn't spring for an open bar, I have to say, that would annoy me and might impact the amount of the gift.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I always base it on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford (ie: close relative versus co-worker), I really don't pay much attention to where the wedding is or how much I think they spent on the reception...

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

Having lived in VA for 8+ years you realize that the things you 'believe' are 'correct' at a wedding are just not done in other parts of the country.

But, I too did not want hip hop or rap played at my reception. I come from a religious family who would be offended at the lyrics in a lot of those songs. I asked my DJ to use his discretion if a song wasn't on our play list or to ask me or my DH.

Having an open bar is NOT a standard thing in most places. Weddings are not supposed to be a drunk fest, wine tasting or drinking event. Weddings are celebrations of the newlywed couple, and if they and their family don't want to serve a full open bar, don't fault them for that. Just realize, when OOT guests come to NY weddings they are blown away by the ridiculous amount of money spent on a 1 day affair.

Rant over. I just get tired of people critizing non NY style weddings (especially because there a lot of brides here who aren't going all out either).

To answer the original question, I give a gift based on my relationship to the couple. I could care less if it was a backyard BBQ or a Black Tie Sat night Oheaka wedding.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by coxmandi

Having lived in VA for 8+ years you realize that the things you 'believe' are 'correct' at a wedding are just not done in other parts of the country.

But, I too did not want hip hop or rap played at my reception. I come from a religious family who would be offended at the lyrics in a lot of those songs. I asked my DJ to use his discretion if a song wasn't on our play list or to ask me or my DH.

Having an open bar is NOT a standard thing in most places. Weddings are not supposed to be a drunk fest, wine tasting or drinking event. Weddings are celebrations of the newlywed couple, and if they and their family don't want to serve a full open bar, don't fault them for that. Just realize, when OOT guests come to NY weddings they are blown away by the ridiculous amount of money spent on a 1 day affair.

Rant over. I just get tired of people critizing non NY style weddings (especially because there a lot of brides here who aren't going all out either).

To answer the original question, I give a gift based on my relationship to the couple. I could care less if it was a backyard BBQ or a Black Tie Sat night Oheaka wedding.

---

It's not that they didn't want an open bar. They didn't want to pay for it. I've been to weddings in SC and TX. I know how it is. However, when half your guests are driving 5-6 hours and spending the weekend to be at your wedding, and they are all from NY, you should spring for the open bar. If all the guests were from MD, maybe noone would have known any better.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by coxmandi

Having lived in VA for 8+ years you realize that the things you 'believe' are 'correct' at a wedding are just not done in other parts of the country.

But, I too did not want hip hop or rap played at my reception. I come from a religious family who would be offended at the lyrics in a lot of those songs. I asked my DJ to use his discretion if a song wasn't on our play list or to ask me or my DH.

Having an open bar is NOT a standard thing in most places. Weddings are not supposed to be a drunk fest, wine tasting or drinking event. Weddings are celebrations of the newlywed couple, and if they and their family don't want to serve a full open bar, don't fault them for that. Just realize, when OOT guests come to NY weddings they are blown away by the ridiculous amount of money spent on a 1 day affair.

Rant over. I just get tired of people critizing non NY style weddings (especially because there a lot of brides here who aren't going all out either).

To answer the original question, I give a gift based on my relationship to the couple. I could care less if it was a backyard BBQ or a Black Tie Sat night Oheaka wedding.

---

I've heard about weddings in other parts of the country and most people give wrapped gifts costing $100 or less per couple.

it's all relative.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I always give what I can afford regardless of location. Since most of us here have visited more than one reception hall looking for our own, we know (sort of) what various places cost. Just as I wouldn't give more to a bride that chose Oheka because the wedding was held there, I wouldn't give less because the wedding was held in a bowling alley in Virginia (yes, I've actually been to a wedding in a bowling alley in Virginia).

ETA: I might consider following tradtion of the wedding locale and giving an actual registry gift instead of cash, but only if the couple was not originally from Long Island.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

Every region does weddings differently. LI and metro NY weddings deal with much more consumption than say in Buffalo or Ohio. Things are different everywhere and the bride and groom do things based upon there wants/needs. I usually give a gift to the bride and groom from their registry or a check - whatever one I can afford at that time.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by dleeny

I always give what I can afford, no matter what. but if the B&G couldn't spring for an open bar, I have to say, that would annoy me and might impact the amount of the gift.

---

Ditto
A friend of mine gives a gift according to the type of wedding it is. Is it right? I can't answer for him, but people plan a wedding in what they can afford.

A friend of mine had a wedding in RI and it was a cash bar, lets just say alot of our friends weren't too pleased and gave less of a gift because of that.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

We always give what we can afford. If someone decides to pay $500/pp, that's the bride and groom's business, and we're not about to pay $1000 to cover our plates. Same as if we go out of state. Mostly, we tend to give anywhere from $200-$250 as a couple and adjust accordingly depending on if it's a close friend or family. JMO.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by dleeny

...I've heard about weddings in other parts of the country and most people give wrapped gifts costing $100 or less per couple.
it's all relative.

---

I went t a wedding in Nevada last year where the couple received a $40 starbucks gift card, I don't think that's right in any state! (even if they just gave them $40 cash it would have been better... )

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by kara10152006

I always base it on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford (ie: close relative versus co-worker), I really don't pay much attention to where the wedding is or how much I think they spent on the reception...

---

ditto

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

Things are different in different areas. I went to a wedding in Baltimore last summer and it was really different. We are so used to these huge extravaganzas here. I do think about the cost of the wedding when I give a gift. We are going to a wedding in Rochester over the summer. They spent $25 pp, so I won't be giving the same amount that I give to some of my friends at home that pay $120 pp.
Maybe that is rude, but that is how I feel.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

For me, it depends of my relationship with the couple.

I've given a bigger gift to a couple who only had 15 people at a restaurant than I've given to a couple who had a 'reception hall' wedding.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

Depends on our relationship.

We gave the same amount to his friend in AZ who had a Vegas wedding in a small off the beaten path place that had beer and wine and a small buffet dinner as we did to my friend who had a lavish wedding in a temple. (Hi Leslie!!!)

Doesn't matter to me where it is or what is being served, or whether or not there's an open bar, because every place and every bride and groom does things differently.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by MayBride06

---

Posted by kara10152006

I always base it on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford (ie: close relative versus co-worker), I really don't pay much attention to where the wedding is or how much I think they spent on the reception...

---

ditto

---

agreed

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by Mrs_C_in_'07

We always give what we can afford. If someone decides to pay $500/pp, that's the bride and groom's business, and we're not about to pay $1000 to cover our plates. Same as if we go out of state. Mostly, we tend to give anywhere from $200-$250 as a couple and adjust accordingly depending on if it's a close friend or family. JMO.

---

I do this also.....

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

---

Posted by kara10152006

---

Posted by dleeny

...I've heard about weddings in other parts of the country and most people give wrapped gifts costing $100 or less per couple.
it's all relative.

---

I went t a wedding in Nevada last year where the couple received a $40 starbucks gift card, I don't think that's right in any state! (even if they just gave them $40 cash it would have been better... )

---

We received a $30 gift card to Linen & Things from one couple (we weren't registered there).

That said, we were surprised (pleasantly and not so much) by some of the gifts we received. In the end, it didn't matter. We threw the wedding we wanted to have and invited the people we wanted to be there-regardless of the gifts we would get.

To answer the original question, we give the same no matter what. For close friends and family $300-$500. For friends, coworkers, etc $200-$300. If it is out of state and they are not close, we wouldn't go but we send a gift; either a check or something from the registry.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I give what i could afford.....

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I went to a wedding in MD last weekend and I went solo but gave what I would give here. The wedding was not a typical NY wedding, there was an open bar-which everyone was so hyped up about (?), but I walked away from that wedding hungry!

Point is, it didn't matter. This was a friend I knew for 5 years who used to work at the same company I did and we became friends. That kind of friend I would give the same regardless of the type of wedding and where.

It doesn't matter-the gift you give is supposed to be unconditional.