If you think you have MIL issues....

...you have GOT to read this post from the Knot's Connecticut board.

I don't know if I necessarily believe that this is true because it's so outrageous, but if it is, this bride is a SAINT for not killing her MIL. (I don't think any jury in the world would've convicted her either after hearing this story!)

Anyway, here's the post:



If you think you have MIL issues....

In case you are curious, here is my story.

DH and I were engaged for 21 months prior the wedding. We wanted a big, fun wedding that we knew we were going to have to pay for, so we saved up. My parents contributed, my grandma contributed, we paid 75% of the total bill. We knew that going in, and were fine with it.

From the moment we got engaged, MIL's first comment to me (first two comments) were 'Look at that rock!' and [to DH] 'Why don't you buy ME diamonds like that?'

DH is an only child. His father has been deceased for over ten years; he and MIL divorced when DH was 5. She remarried; stepdad died about 12 years ago, and she is currently with another guy. They've been 'engaged' since the moment we announced our engagement. No date set.

MIL did not pay a dime towards DH's education (undergrad and law school), though she told everyone (they lived in a small town) she went into bankrupcy for his tuition. DH has over $1200/mo in student loans currently; she went into bankrupcy b/c she has uncontrollable spending and bought 217 Scarlett O'Hara dolls.

If you haven't guessed by now, she has mental health problems. This is even more ironic combined with the fact that I am a mental health professional (MS in Counseling Psych). It's nothing organic with her; medication and therapy is only minimally helpful, and she's been doing it for years. It's one of most pervasive personality disorders I've ever encountered, personally and professionally. And now she's legally related to me.

Yet I digress.

So, our wedding. I attempt to extend the olive branch to her in Oct. 2005. She had gotten very surly with me, very aggressive verbally, and was all around unpleasant to be around until that point. With the wedding coming up, I thought I could prevent a potentially ugly situation, so I invited her to lunch with our wedding coordinator, and offered to take her shopping so she and I could pick out her dress for the wedding. (my treat).

Afternoon goes horribly wrong. She dismisses my offer to go shopping (no biggie) and acts like a freak around the wedding coordinator. In her effort to impress the wc, she says she'll pay for the RD and after-wedding brunch. Later on, I say, 'Thank you, that is incredibly generous. We really appreciate you offering to help; however, if you chose not to, that's okay, too.' She waves her hand and says 'No, no, no, of course I will help; I am the mother of the groom.' I say, 'Great, let's start planning.'

Long story short, after I gave her the guest list and four restaurant choices, she cut every member of my family ('who are THESE people?!') and stated my dinner choices were 'extravagant.' (they varied in price from $16.99pp to $33pp).

You can imagine the battle that ensued. She didn't want to pay for transportation to the restaurant. Then she didn't want to pay for the bar. Then postage went up and she couldn't afford the additonal two cents. Finally, in December, my then-FI got upset with me crying out of frustration everytime I talked to her, he called her and said 'Don't bother. This is not worth the hassle. Leave psyched and I alone; we have an entire wedding to plan. This is only one component.'

Her counter? 'I want to buy you a really nice wedding present, and I can't afford both.'

We said, 'Don't worry about the RD.' (brunch was already shelved at this point.) 'Don't worry about a nice gift. Just come and be happy for us. If money is tight [which we KNEW it wasn't, but she's entitled to spend her money as she sees fit], don't worry about any of this. It's not worth the hassle.'

Side note: I was livid and did not speak with her; I give all the credit to my DH for handling this like the bigger person. He was great.

Then....the emails start. We get an email from the boyfriend, ahem, FI, du-jour. 'Your mother gave you a great life, you need to respect her. You need to treat her better.' Blah, blah. DH's uncle (her brother) calls us. DH's aunt calls us. We handled each one with 'Okay, that's nice you are concerned. We'll handle it from here.'

DH emails her and says, 'Enough is enough. Don't not contact us. Do not have family members contact us. We need space.'

She calls on Christmas like nothing ever happened.

(note: she lives three miles from us. She has followed DH to every place he has ever lived.)

She calls and wants to get together. We ignore the calls.

Then our engagement announcement is published. B/c we had been ignoring her calls, clearly she had to step up her game. She fires off an email to us that says, b/c her name came after DH's deceased father, 'you want me dead. You both are so hateful and hurtful and you intentionally embarassed me.'

I call the editor and it is reprinted using her exact words the following week. We hear nothing from her.

Life is calm; I am busy with wedding stuff and DH is busy with work. We have no contact with her for several months. We don't celebrate Easter with her (DH is out of town, I've got 50 million work-related, wedding-related things going on), and get the BEST email: 'No call, no family dinner, no Easter lily for me. Your father, along with our dead family pets, are crying in heaven right now.'

I about fell out of my chair reading that one.

The week of the wedding (May 2006) she calls me on a non-wedding related matter and mentions she has a great 'surprise' for us. I was like, 'ohhhh, sh*t.' I call the WC IMMEDIATELY and am like, 'You need to talk to her about this.' We hear back from the WC who says, 'She has a little surprise for DH that she wants to give him at the RD.' DH and I are like, 'Great, what now?' but don't think it's a big deal.

Also, the week of the wedding I am diagnosed with shingles. I find out on Tuesday. My MOH, BFF in the whole world, can't come to the wedding. She is 9 weeks pg and has never had the chicken pox. It was beyond devastating, to say the least. I don't think she and I have ever cried that much. But - the wedding will go on. (we ended up making a documentary ala KFed's 'Chaos' for her - she loved it).

MIL doesn't call when she finds out I'm sick, even though everyone in the free world did call me and offer support, help, and concern. My FLORIST brings over chicken soup. We find out on the Thursday before the wedding she has been hosting family dinners at her home all week, for DH's family, and did not invite us. But - my fav - she told everyone we WERE invited, just too bothered to come. Typical MIL bs.

The wedding:

Nothing happens at the RD. We even got her a gift (not a thank you gift, but more of an appeasement donation) and presented it to her. She cried her eyes out and wept to the groomsmen how she 'didn't want to fight anymore.'

DH and I think we are in the clear and there will be no surprises at the wedding. How wrong we were. We actually high-fived after the RD.

Pride comes before the fall.

Wedding goes off without a hitch; ceremony was great. He cried, I cried. All 160 of our guests cried. Then the reception began. It was a five-course meal at the Four Seasons with open bar. Halfway through the first course (that we had meticulously picked our at our tasting the month before, designed for Midwestern palates b/c that is where we are both from), there is a loud rapt at the double doors. In marches eight Star Wars characters, waving light sabers. They march to the front of the room and demand DH joins them. They present him with a gift. I'm sitting there thinking, 'Okay, it'll be over in a couple of minutes, no biggie' when in walks the guy that played Bobba Fett (?) in the SW movies. You would have thought Brad Pitt walked in. Every single man in the room grabs their (beautifully crafted) place card and runs up for an autograph. Every single female swivels her head towards me to see my reaction. I was told that I went from twisting my napkin feverishly to having the biggest smile on my face. It was plastered on for the rest of the night. I faked my own wedding.

It took 60 minutes for all of our guests to get an autograph, pose with Storm Troopers, and hang out with Princess Leia. The entrees were burning the kitchen; they were made again and brought out raw. The third time they were brought out, the dishes were right, but 1/2 of our guests had left b/c it was after 10:30.

The Four Seasons graciously extended the bar by another 30 minutes.

DH and I didn't get a chance to make our toasts.

DH tried to cover the room and thank guests for coming while I was on the dance floor, hoping people would follow my lead and dance. I didn't see him all night.

We cut the cake quickly and ran into the list of dances. The DJ played three songs and the reception was over.

That's it.

Our beautiful, elegant affair was single-handedly destroyed by a woman whom I'm told, TOOK A BOW when these people walked in. She spent the rest of the night asking everyone 'Did you like my surprise? It cost me a TON of money!' She then smoked in our non-smoking foyer for the remainder of the reception, almost in a post-coital manner. Ewww.

Since the characters stayed for dinner, I handed her the $1500 bill at brunch the next day and said, 'Your guests; you pay.' She emailed me and called me 'ungracious and tacky. YOU married a lawyer; you need to understand contracts.'

I never responded but instead forwarded it to every single person on my listserve. I continue to do that with every email I get from her.

DH and I wrote a joint statement on our honeymoon and emailed to all family members, his and mine. It said, based on her behavior, she is no longer a part of our lives, and explained things from our point of view. Please respect our decision.

My own mother hasn't looked at the wedding pictures b/c in her words, she is still 'devastated and horrified.' My father won't talk about it. Our WC (whom MIL lied to) will have her removed from the Four Seasons if she ever sets foot there again. My grandmother got physically ill and had to leave the reception.

I'm left holding the bag. DH is standing with me, clearly, and it just saddened by his mother's behavior. I'm just homicidally angry. There are starving kids in Africa, I know, and weddings are not a big deal in the grand scheme of life. But - I feel like I was robbed and attacked in some way. It feels like she STOLE something from me. There are a million coulda-woulda-shouldas, and by giving her the benefit of the doubt (that she would act in OUR best interest), we had a joke of a wedding.

I don't want pity, I don't want advice, it just *****. Plain and simple. I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this. It just helps to get it out.

**sigh**

The good news: married life has been great so far. It's a relief to be done with the wedding - and her. I had 160 witnesses that night, and all confirmed what I had been saying all along - she is a narcissitic sociopath.

Life goes on. Living well is really the best revenge.

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

I have no words

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

I just found the original post...

It's actually on The Nest on the Trouble in Paradise board. Apparently the bride posted some pictures, but deleted them because she didn't want her family and friends to see what she'd posted.

I guess it is for real...

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

I can't believe that! Her MIL is unreal!

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

INSANITY!!!


other than that, i'm speechless

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

um that story is beyond tragic. I don't even think anyone could make that up even if they tried

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

OMG!!!! im not even sure what to say

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

Ok, not for nothing, yeah, that s-cks if it did really happen, but who plans and pays for a wedding, then ALLOWS that to happen? I mean, if that happened to me, you better believe my father, my grandfather, my uncles, etc., would be dragging those Star Wars characters out by their balls. And if they didn't do it, I'd be on the phone with the police. I don't really buy that story. I just can't imagine two people ALLOWING that to happen at their wedding. JMO.

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

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Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, not for nothing, yeah, that s-cks if it did really happen, but who plans and pays for a wedding, then ALLOWS that to happen? I mean, if that happened to me, you better believe my father, my grandfather, my uncles, etc., would be dragging those Star Wars characters out by their balls. And if they didn't do it, I'd be on the phone with the police. I don't really buy that story. I just can't imagine two people ALLOWING that to happen at their wedding. JMO.

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hahaha, I totally agree!!

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

If that was me....I'd have punched her in the face a LOOOONG time ago


God bless her and her husband for putting up with her for so long...I wouldve barred her from the wedding after the 3rd incident

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

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Posted by shelby34

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Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, not for nothing, yeah, that s-cks if it did really happen, but who plans and pays for a wedding, then ALLOWS that to happen? I mean, if that happened to me, you better believe my father, my grandfather, my uncles, etc., would be dragging those Star Wars characters out by their balls. And if they didn't do it, I'd be on the phone with the police. I don't really buy that story. I just can't imagine two people ALLOWING that to happen at their wedding. JMO.

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hahaha, I totally agree!!

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I'm in agreement as well. It would have taken 5 minutes for them to be thrown out. 5 minutes to get security at the Four Seasons on them and the MIL.

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

I am in tears just reading this. That has to be one of the most awful and evil things I have ever heard of.

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

u know what, she is absolutely right - LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE.

OR BETTER YET - BEING HAPPY IS THE BEST F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

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Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, not for nothing, yeah, that s-cks if it did really happen, but who plans and pays for a wedding, then ALLOWS that to happen? I mean, if that happened to me, you better believe my father, my grandfather, my uncles, etc., would be dragging those Star Wars characters out by their balls. And if they didn't do it, I'd be on the phone with the police. I don't really buy that story. I just can't imagine two people ALLOWING that to happen at their wedding. JMO.

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yes but be honest... the mere fact that they showed up and caused such a commotion would be enough to ruin it for me. the damage is done. and you just know that people would be talking about it for years!

I feel so bad for that poor woman!

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

Honestly, I would not be surprised that it's a true story. Sometimes this is just so much. What can you do? You are in such disbelief this is happening.

I have a co-worker who has a similar MIL. You should hear the stories. It's really, is she for real? Sadly, those people don't know there is something wrong with them.

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

WOW!!!!!!!!! I have no words!!!!

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

OMG!!!!! It sounds almost to crazy to be true but sadly it is

And if it could not get worse.....the actor noted it all on his webpage - with a photo!!!

Boba Fett - character

The reference and photo is about halfway down the page.

On Saturday, one of the fans, Richard asked me if I could be a surprise guest at his friends wedding reception that was taking place in the Four Seasons Hotel that evening. I agreed, but mentioned that I had no jacket to wear to such a smart reception. Richard said it would be no problem 'you are Boba Fett'. When we arrived at the reception with our entourage of Star Wars characters we were kept hidden until the appropriate moment. On cue to strains of the 'Imperial March' we made our entrance. I presented the groom Brian with a copy of my book, and a signed figure of Boba Fett.

We were then invited to join the festivities, it was a wonderful end to our stay in Vegas and we wish Brian and his lovely bride Kim every happiness for the future.




And according to a 'crasher' who ate his free $130 meal, they were invited to crash the wedding and decided to do it.

MySpace link
Andy Fett

5/7/2006 2:26 AM

Holy crap Megan!!! Tonight was great, day two of the event. It was set from 1-6, we didn't get home until 1pm, and Jeremy missed his flight because we were having so much fun.

Well... the day went normal just as yesterday, but just a tad more busy. So then Jeremy is asked to go to a wedding, this man is out of North Dakota and loves Boba Fett, his family didn't even want him to know that Jeremy was going to be in town. So his mother-in-law secretly invited us, the 501st, and Jeremy Bulloch to crash his wedding, so... we did.

As everyone was making their speeches, suddenly the Emporer, Darth Vader, and a Tie Pilot walk in to the music of the Imperial March, and he does his speech, then I, being the Boba Fett, escorts Jeremy Bulloch out being followed by about 4 stormtroopers and a Princess Leia. It was fantastic. We got to stay the whole night until the wedding, we got fed, fantastic food. The wedding was at the Four Seasons at the Mandalay Bay Hotel. The meal I ate was free, worth upwards of $130. We were all placed at the front table sitting with Mr. and Mrs. Bulloch, and the new bride and groom.

I need to rip all of those photos off of my camera and send them your way! I'll talk to you later.

<3
Andy



10 crashers!!!!! And crashers dressed as Star Wars characaters at $130+ pp plus tax & gratuity courtesy of MIL

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

omg omg omg what a psychopath. poor girl......speechless....

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

Just the fact that he said 'crash the wedding' makes it even worse! This guy apparently knew that this was something the bride would not want, but did it anyways.. thats messed up!


ummm. ... are those lemons on the table??

Re: If you think you have MIL issues....

I still stand firm that it never would have flown in my wedding. NEVER. I feel sorry for her, but it's YOUR WEDDING THAT YOU PAID FOR. You don't want them there, GET SECURITY. And not for nothing, I blame the Four Seasons, too. How can such a reputable place allow for something like that to happen when the bride and groom never told them about it? It's sad, but it's your wedding day, and it never would have flown at my wedding.