I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

To make this short- I may not be posting for a while. There may not be a wedding. This FMIL stuff is really hitting the fan and it's either me or her. Last night we had a huge discussion which turned into an argument. We called the wedding off. An hour later had another discussion and it was back on. I don't feel comfortable with that. I think we just put a band aid on it without really dealing with the issue. So tonight i'm pulling the band aid off and you know how much that hurts.

The problem is that FMIL has mental problems. For real and everyone has delt with it thier entire life. I'm sorry, mental or not, that is no excuse for her behavior and her not respecting boundaries. Lets put it this way- FH needs to stick with me on decisions we will make. If he is unwilling then I am leaving. I'm not going to deal with her antics for the rest of my life.

Everyone have a great day and I will be in touch with you all. Thank you for your support and all your help. I will let you know either tonight, tomorrow, or in a couple of days what happens.

Nic

**UPDATE**

First I want to thank everyone for all the posts, FM's and emails I received. While FH was out for a bit I read all the posts. What I decided to do was to make dinner and have that 'mother' discussion. (Most of you know that I don't cook ) There was a lot of tention between us for most of the day. So the dinner kind of eased that a little. After we ate we sat at the table for about 3 to 4 hours discussing lots of things.

The most important thing that I wanted to address was him saying that I act like a biatch to his mother. I told him all the things she says and does behind his back to me when he is not around. When he's there she is all.....I love you, I love Nicole my FDIL. blah blah blah! But as soon as he leaves I get the digs. Then to back that up with some proof I told him the towel story. Before I tell you that story I just want you to know that we bought his mothers house. The house he grew up in. That too is also a long story but she manipulates everyone into doing what she wants.

When FMIL owned the house she would fold and hang three little towels on the towlbar next to the toilet. I don't do that. I hang them on three little hooks across the room. I do this bc everytime someone washes thier hands and drips on the toilet seat I don't know if it is water or pee so I have to spray it down and wipe it off. If no towels are there then i know someone missed and I need to wipe the seat. When she comes here she hangs the towels back on the bar. I walk into the bathroom and i'm like...no f-ing way. So I put them back where I had them. I go in there later on and they are folded back on the bar. She had done this since May. He told me he noticed that. So proving that I wasn't just being a disgruntled fiance who is jealous of living in the mothers old house. THIS IS NOT HER HOUSE! it's OUR house.

I told him that I come first to him and he comes first to me. WE are each others family now. Just like when our parents got married and started thier family- we are now each other's family and everyone else comes second. When we have children we still come first and the children come second. The best way to show the children you love them is to love your spouse. I told him the importance of sticking together on issues. I seriously do not want children bc of this woman. She is manipulative, self centered, self absorbed, and she def sticks her nose in where it dosen't belong.

I agreed to be more hospitable and nicer if he will implement some rules and boundaries with her..together. She does not understand the concept of boundaries. Pretend you are dealing with a 5 year old child in an adults body. That is what it is like. So here are my 'rules'.
- She is never to come into the bedroom anymore. Ever! It is off limits. If she knock on the door and dosen't get an answer then she needs to walk away. Not keep pounding on the door. When my head pounds the only thing I can do is lay down.
- She in not to expect to stay here every time she comes into town. (which is every other weekend) And our house is not a congregating area. If she wants to see her sons then do it in thier apartment.
-She is never to be in the house unsupervised or alone with his stepdad. She snoops through my stuff and leaves the door wide open when I have continually told her to close it bc of the cat. I don't want the cat out. One day she left the screen door wide open and left. I found the cat hiding in the corner. (after I was hysterical crying and tearing the house apart looking for her)
- She is not to call here every day, 3-5 times a day. Once a week is sufficient unless there is a death.

I told FH that I didn't think that was alot to ask for and he agreed with me on every point. He said that if we had bought a different house that things would probably be different. She hates the dining room. (it's in my album) But too bad bc she dosen't live here.

Now the only thing that has to be done is the actual doing of those things. I'm scared. I really am. I know that someone had said that I am incensitive but in actuality I am highly sensitive to myself, people, and thier feelings. If I wasn't I couldn't read cards or be a medium. But don't mistake my not putting up with cr@p for insensitivity. There is a huge difference and I know that if I let this woman continue doing what she is doing then she is going to keep doing it and the harder it will be to break. It's either now or never. I do understand her mental problems. Believe me when I tell you I do but that is no excuse for being selfish. I really can't begin to tell you the horrible things this woman has said about people she loves. To the point where I have to tell her that she needs to stop bc it's inappropriate.

So, the wedding is back on with a clear understanding between me and Greg that it's the two of us and we stick together. There will come a day when the only people we will have is each other.

Thanks again girls for letting me vent and for all your responses. I read each one of them very carefully and did take all your advice into consideration. I think this had to happen in order for us to deal with the situation. I know that no one will come between us as long as we stick together!

MUAHHHH!!!!! and to all!!!! XOXOXO Nic

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Nic,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.. I hope that it gets better

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

I am so sorry that you need to go through with this.

But honestly... that is a hard thing to ask him to do is to pick you or his mother... I don't think its fair that you are making him choose. Also you are marrying him, you love him and NOTHING should break that love not even a mental mother in law.

Now I know it is probably difficult dealing with her... but you are ready to just let the love of your life go because of 1 road block??? You should be in it through thick and thin...

Maybe you can make a list today of things that bother you and things you want to work through with him and then review it with him and talk about it calmly... Once you starting getting emotional and arguring things always go the wrong way and things most likely get said that aren't meant.

Good luck and I hope everything goes the way you want it.

Mwah.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Sorry things aren't going well.....we'll be thinking of you

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Oh Nic,

I'm so sorry this is happening. I hope this woman doesn't tear you both apart and FH can stand up to her.

Hope everything works out and you are back on here in a few days with great news. Until then and for you both.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

UGGG! I am so sorry, you did nothing wrong. I know what you are going thru in different ways!!! But I know you wont loose him! He loves you, your a doll. My prayers are with you PLEASE keep you chin up, its a bump in the road.!!!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope it all works out for the both of you. Try to stay positive and really work everything out.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Ugh FMIL drama, the worst. I think we can all understand to a degree what you're going through. Good luck and stand your ground. I'm sure you'll get through this.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

We are here for you!!!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Good luck!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Hope everything works out

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oh my gosh, Nic! please keep in touch and let us know what happens...

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

FM me if you need anything.. in the meantime

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

You cant leave here....I need you and your great advice

I hope everything works out for you sweetie....I FM you.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

i just learned last night at pre-cana to put your spouse first. you should tell him that. parents can guide you but the ultimate decision is between the two of you. your relationship should be a priority. he needs to know that it's about you now! not his mom.

i hope things work out and good luck!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

You are a sweetheart on these boards and im sure just as great if not better in real life...
I hope you two will get through this, its just a bump in the road of life... you are a strong woman with lots of great advice and help to offer to all LIW girls with wedding and life... best of luck and lots of and a few

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Sorry to hear that. I agree with you on this one. I know many girls on here would probably disagree with us but I have the same trouble with FMIL (she is in a nursing home right now) and things just get to a point sometimes where you feel like you are in teh twilight zone. Anyway your FI is going to be your husband soon and it is true that he needs to choose between you and her. If this is going to cause huge arguments through your marriage the choice definitely needs to be made. You are going to be his family now and I agree with you 100%. It is so hard to deal with a FMIL, let alone one that is not mentally stable. I really hope everything works out for you guys. Good luck

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.

Nic,
I am sorry to hear this bad news, but now is the time deciede what life you will have. I know for your FH it must be really hard and try not to forget that. If your Fmil is anything like mine, I understand your pain. In life there are thing we can except and things we cant you have to make that choice, because FH will always be bounded to his mother, Not to say over you, but I do not know what the situation is, but what I go by in life is 2 choices to except or not to except things. Good Luck and we will miss you I hope things work out for you. Jiffy sends hugs