Re: I have bad news ladies

I'm so so sorry. I cannot imagine hearing news like that. I hope and pray God will lead you to make the right decision. I'm so sorry.

Re: I have bad news ladies

I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. Be strong, although I don't know you, you are a better person than they both could ever want to be. DON'T let them distroy your life, I know that it will be hard to deal with this, but you will get through this. Don't give up on life, don't let them win, it's not worth terriable thoughts (RE: suicide), be stronger than them! Even if there are people in your family who you stopped talking to, I am sure that they still love and care about you very much. I'm sure in the end they will always be there for you. And all the ladies on this site are here for you!!

Re: I have bad news ladies

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Posted by finallygotthering
Thanks again ladies, I just can't belive that he did that to me, he took away my child hood, he has been my first and only and I dreamed of marrying my first, I really can't be with him anymore because he did it with a friend and a co worker, I have to see this girl every day. I really hate both of them.

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A similar thing happened to one of my best friends...he was her first, they had been together for almost 8 years - she was sure he was 'the one' and wanted to marry her first. Unfortunately, he did some shady things (he never admitted cheating, which I think is worse because the doubt eats at her) and they broke up. It has been almost a year and although it was unbelievably hard for her at first, she's much better and looking forward to a relationship with someone who deserves her. It seems she wasn't being treated the way she thought she should but she stuck around because of the history...she's glad she finally wised up.

God has a plan for us all and you will be OK!

Re: I have bad news ladies

So sorry that you had to find out like that but be thankful that you found out before you were married.

Hmmmmm. Glad I am not a cop since I think I may have taken a shot at him - totally serious That is my only criteria for dumping FI (and his for me too). Anything else I think I can handle. I had a weapon in the house when I first moved here but my dad (knowing my temper) took it from me.

A friend went through a similar situation (after 11 years with the guy - a lieutenant now). He was her first and they were together since like freshman year in college.

They had been together so long that she did not tell her family or friends at first. It took her a week to tell me and probably months to tell her parents since they adored this jerk. They were engaged and he bought a home for them in Middletown but she never moved in after decorating the place.

She actually caught him with the woman in his house the day after he cried on the phone begging her to come up to see him. She went the next day instead of that night and caught him and his other woman in bed at like 3 p.m.

It took her a while to get past it and she did break up with him and got back together with him off and on a few times. They are 'friends' now and I don't even ask about it since I don't have to live with him.

No matter what you decide to do - this too shall pass. You will make the right decision for you and that's all that matters.

Re: I have bad news ladies

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Posted by akaMrsT



So sorry that you had to find out like that but be thankful that you found out before you were married.

Hmmmmm. Glad I am not a cop since I think I may have taken a shot at him - totally serious That is my only criteria for dumping FI (and his for me too). Anything else I think I can handle. I had a weapon in the house when I first moved here but my dad (knowing my temper) took it from me.

A friend went through a similar situation (after 11 years with the guy - a lieutenant now). He was her first and they were together since like freshman year in college.

They had been together so long that she did not tell her family or friends at first. It took her a week to tell me and probably months to tell her parents since they adored this jerk. They were engaged and he bought a home for them in Middletown but she never moved in after decorating the place.

She actually caught him with the woman in his house the day after he cried on the phone begging her to come up to see him. She went the next day instead of that night and caught him and his other woman in bed at like 3 p.m.

It took her a while to get past it and she did break up with him and got back together with him off and on a few times. They are 'friends' now and I don't even ask about it since I don't have to live with him.

No matter what you decide to do - this too shall pass. You will make the right decision for you and that's all that matters.

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Oh yeah, he had been a jerk for years and she never confessed it. Come to find out that on the very first date (11 years prior) when he took her to some movie theater really far away from his house (close to hers) that he was in another relationship

I can't say once a cheat, always a cheat but this jerk was screwing around on his girlfriend with my friend on the very first date.

I'm not sure what she will end up doing. He's in Iraq now and I know they speak. If she ends up marrying the guy

Re: I have bad news ladies

OH MY GOD... I am sooooooo SORRY!!!

Re: I have bad news ladies

I had a girlfriend go through something like this.. apparently her BF felt like he wasn't getting enough attention from her and started an affair with a mutual acquaintance. I will say it took a lof of patience and couples counseling, but now they are so much better and engaged. I am not sure if that is the route for you, but I just wanted to let you know that even though it is an embarassing situation, YOU have no reason to be embarassed. The other girl and your significant other are the ones that should feel ashamed. Lots of and please keep us posted or FM me if you just need to vent!

Re: I have bad news ladies

I'm so sorry.....

Re: I have bad news ladies

I am so sorry to hear this. I can tell that you were so excited just from your posts on the boards. Ending a long relationship must be one of the hardest things to do. I can't offer you advice since you have to do what makes you happy. Even though they are both wrong it eats me up of how this woman wants to tell you now all of a sudden. I mean come on, if she was being real and a true friend and just knew she messed up, she would have told you after it happened. I am glad you are strong enough to kick both of them to the curb.

Please FM me if you ever want to take. You are strong and will make the right decision

Re: I have bad news ladies

OMG first things first....put in for a transfer ASAP, maybe even to another borough (if you're NYPD). You should not have to see either of them on a regular basis.

He will probably beg for forgiveness and grovel and such. Don't give in. Giving in is almost like saying it's okay. I understand we are supposed to forgive and forget, and while you may forgive, you know that you will never forget. Every time he goes out that thought of doubt will be in the back of your mind and that is no way to be in a relationship.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I know I've been cheated on, and it's never an easy thing to deal with, but you have to look out for yourself and do what is best for YOU. He obviously didn't care enough, or this would not have happened in the first place. Cheating is a selfish act, and that is no way to start an engagement. He may have even proposed because of pressure or a feeling of obligation.

If anything, we are here for you. Remember, you deserve someone better than this. And better you found out now than later on after getting married!!

Re: I have bad news ladies

OMG!!! I am so sorry hun!!

Re: I have bad news ladies

Sorry, I am lost for words

Re: I have bad news ladies

There is nothing much for me to add here; these terrific girls have said it all.

Be strong and know that we are here for you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Things WILL get better.

Re: I have bad news ladies

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Posted by JLP

There is nothing much for me to add here; these terrific girls have said it all.

Be strong and know that we are here for you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Things WILL get better.

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well said.

I'm so sorry

Re: I have bad news ladies

So sorry to hear that...follow your heart that is the only one who does not lie to you.

Re: I have bad news ladies

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Posted by BKtoLI

OMG first things first....put in for a transfer ASAP, maybe even to another borough (if you're NYPD). You should not have to see either of them on a regular basis.

He will probably beg for forgiveness and grovel and such. Don't give in. Giving in is almost like saying it's okay. I understand we are supposed to forgive and forget, and while you may forgive, you know that you will never forget. Every time he goes out that thought of doubt will be in the back of your mind and that is no way to be in a relationship.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I know I've been cheated on, and it's never an easy thing to deal with, but you have to look out for yourself and do what is best for YOU. He obviously didn't care enough, or this would not have happened in the first place. Cheating is a selfish act, and that is no way to start an engagement. He may have even proposed because of pressure or a feeling of obligation.

If anything, we are here for you. Remember, you deserve someone better than this. And better you found out now than later on after getting married!!

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exactly

Re: I have bad news ladies

I am so sorry

Re: I have bad news ladies

I am speechless, but really think about your next move before you make it. emotions can sometimes get the best of you.Talk to him and find out what is really going on. I am so sorry.

Re: I have bad news ladies

Are u serious? That is crazy. I 'm soo sorry to hear that. Good Luck in whatever u decide to do.

Re: I have bad news ladies

I think everything has been said already, but I'm so sorry this happened to you. You're strong & you'll make it through this.

Being that this is fresh in your head you're going to go through SOOOO many emotions right now. You'll hate him one minute and love him the next and feel betrayed and then feel hurt. I think you need to step back and give it some time and space before you make any rash decisions.

Then I think you need to have a serious conversation with him on why it happened and how many times/one night and if there are feelings there, etc. If he is truly sorry and you can still see yourself with him and honestly think that in time you could forgive him, then I think you really need to sit down with someone and talk it out. It's NOT going to be easy and if you truly think he's not committed to you or that you are not the type of person that can forgive & forget (in time) then you may be best to move on. Only you know you....

We're here for you. If you need to talk feel free to fm me.
Cindy