Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Thanks for the kudos! LOL....She and her FH are in our bridal party and we are in theirs! Sooo exciting! I am having the BIG wedding and she is having a smaller wedding and its just going to be so much fun!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

i would send out the STD. people that want to be at your wedding will

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. But after reading through everyone's posts, I have to admit that I feel the same as most of them.

You and your FH chose to have a long engagement (and even if you hadn't), you can't expect others *(family or not) to base their wedding around yours. Of course, everyone should try their hardest to respect each other and do what is right by one another. However, in the end- it's your wedding day and it's her wedding day. Neither of you should have to change your big day for the other.

My FH's cousin and I went to grad. school together. She set FH and I up and he set her up with his best friend. We all started dating literally the same day. They got engaged a month before we did....and set a date for the summer of 08. As a teacher, I really wanted a summer wedding but when we got engaged, FH's cousin asked me not to do a summer wedding because it would be too close to hers. As much as it really bothered me, I respected her feelings and chose a May wedding. And I am VERY happy with the day that we picked- I don't have any regrets about not doing what I originally wanted.

My point is that when possible- you should respect each other's feelings but you shouldn't change your big day around hers- nor should she. I understand your feelings and I see how your family not being able to come to both events- is a huge thing and I'm sorry for that. But again, you chose to have a long engagement and it's not her fault that she chose to have hers first... Even if she's wedding crazy and you're not... You both picked the dates you did for a reason.... don't second guess your choices now. Send out the STD cards.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Exactly!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

You are allowed to be upset-as for calling and trying to get her to change her date-regardless of her obsession with a white dress-isnt fair to her.

Let me tell you, we had plenty of problems during our 2 1/2 year engagement. PLENTY-but one that is like yours....

DHs cousin who also had a clear obsession with marriage-also scared people away-got engaged and married 2 months before us. We couldnt afford to go-and she didnt come to ours-but in the long run-we were ok with that. She had her wedding and we had ours. The people that we loved and cared for and felt the same way toward us were there! Regardless of the wedding they went to 2 months before. If people cant afford it-then they cant. If you think that sending STDs will help then do it. Dont let it affect the time you are engaged...i spent soo much time of my engagement being upset with other peoples actions that it really causes you to lose sight of what it is all about.

Most will not agree with me-but-this day is about the joining of FH and yourself-of course you want people to come and celebrate and be there to be a witness-but dont forget ultimately it is about YOU AND FH!!!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Posted by PegaLega

You are allowed to be upset-as for calling and trying to get her to change her date-regardless of her obsession with a white dress-isnt fair to her.

Let me tell you, we had plenty of problems during our 2 1/2 year engagement. PLENTY-but one that is like yours....

DHs cousin who also had a clear obsession with marriage-also scared people away-got engaged and married 2 months before us. We couldnt afford to go-and she didnt come to ours-but in the long run-we were ok with that. She had her wedding and we had ours. The people that we loved and cared for and felt the same way toward us were there! Regardless of the wedding they went to 2 months before. If people cant afford it-then they cant. If you think that sending STDs will help then do it. Dont let it affect the time you are engaged...i spent soo much time of my engagement being upset with other peoples actions that it really causes you to lose sight of what it is all about.

Most will not agree with me-but-this day is about the joining of FH and yourself-of course you want people to come and celebrate and be there to be a witness-but dont forget ultimately it is about YOU AND FH!!!

Peggy (my semi-sort of date twin), I couldn't agree with you more!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Thank you ladies for all your help. You are all very helpful. I am taking everything in with what everyone said. You all gave great advice. Thank you. You made me feel better. I am doing much better today.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

This is exactly how brides get labeled BRIDEZILLAS.

I agree with everyone who said it stinks that they are doing that, but it's their life and their marriage and they can and will do what they want regardless of how you feel. And if you don't like the responses, then don't post on a public forum because not everyone is going to side with you and sympathize.

I am sorry to sound harsh, but your wedding day is THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE...to you and FH, you parents and other close relatives. To cousins, uncles, friends and acquaintances it may not, so you have to try understand that people can't revolve their life around your wedding. This kinda of family drama is what leads to bigger drama down the road and you're already on the road to having an unhappy engagement and stressful wedding day.

I wish you luck in figuring this situation out, but it's not worth the stress and aggravation and drama. Like someone else said, in the grand scheme of life, there are so many other truly important things to worry about.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Posted by missliss

Posted by 2009 wedding

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!

And neither should your cousin have to.

I agree , why are you so adamant about not changing your date yet you think you should ask someone else to change theirs. For whatever your reasons are for having your wedding in 2009 that has nothing to do with your cousin. She is engaged and you should be happy for her instead you are concerned with her having her wedding before you and people not attending yours b/c of hers. I think that with all the drama you are causing about this you may lose the respect of your family members b/c you are in my opinion being selfish. She has been obsessing about weddings since she was a little girl, now her dreams are coming true and you are upset and want her to wait two years b/c she should plan her life around yours? I'm sorry I don't agree with that. Then when should she have children? Should she wait until you have yours so that she doesn't have to have a baby shower that conflicts with yours. I think that as family you should both be happy for each other. Think about what is really important you are marrying the person who you love and want to spend the rest of your life with so the only person you should really be concerned with being there for your big day is you and FH.

Message edited 10/18/2007 10:22:48 AM.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Thank you ladies for all your help. You are all very helpful. I am taking everything in with what everyone said. You all gave great advice. Thank you. You made me feel better. I am doing much better today. I am not letting things bother me I am just going to let things go and be happy. I know my wedding is going to be great. I also have a wonderful fh who I love with all my heart. No one is going to wreck my day we are going to have a great wedding with or without my family. I am happy and in love. That is all I care about.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

atta girl...

I come from a VERY large family and it is ANNOYING that there is always a wedding, bridal shower, baby shower etc etc.

but it is what it is... You're having a long engagement, you never know WHO is going to get engaged (and married) within the next 2 years. Heck, DH & I got engaged in February, decided in May that we're having our wedding in September. Just like that, within a span of 7 months...

It is what it is...