Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.

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ok, but I respectfully disagree that 'of course I should' - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.

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A GIFT IS EXPECTED? That might be the most self-centered thing I've read on this site in a long time. No one should expect a gift...we all get mad that our vendors expect a tip...and here you are expecting a gift? Unbelievable.

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I don't really think it is unbelievable. Unless, of course, you're the type of person that goes to a wedding without a gift.

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It's definitely unbelievable. No bride past or future should EXPECT their guests to fork over cash or a wrapped box. I have always given a gift, however, I would NEVER expect a gift from anyone. What kind of person EXPECTS their guests that they've invited to join them to pay to be there? Sure we all anticipate a gift of some sort...but why on earth do you feel entitled to a gift? And if it was your DH's friends, most guys are completely clueless about these things and likely didn't know that it was customary to give a gift.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.

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ok, but I respectfully disagree that 'of course I should' - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.

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A GIFT IS EXPECTED? That might be the most self-centered thing I've read on this site in a long time. No one should expect a gift...we all get mad that our vendors expect a tip...and here you are expecting a gift? Unbelievable.

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I don't really think it is unbelievable. Unless, of course, you're the type of person that goes to a wedding without a gift.

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It's definitely unbelievable. No bride past or future should EXPECT their guests to fork over cash or a wrapped box. I have always given a gift, however, I would NEVER expect a gift from anyone. What kind of person EXPECTS their guests that they've invited to join them to pay to be there? Sure we all anticipate a gift of some sort...but why on earth do you feel entitled to a gift? And if it was your DH's friends, most guys are completely clueless about these things and likely didn't know that it was customary to give a gift.

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alright. thank you for your opinion.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

If people traveled and stayed in a hotel for us, I sent a thank you. I know that some of our friends did what they could just to fly out to be with us and we thanked them for that.
A co-worker stiffed - one of mine. I chose not to send a thank you.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

We had a few no gift no card attendees. I'm pretty pissed about it. I don't mind no gift, but it seems completely rude to go to a wedding without so much as a congratulations card. I am still sending thank yous to these people, though, because I think it's the proper thing to do. Something along the lines of 'Thank you for celebrating with us, it meant a lot to have you there, our day was made much more special by spending it with loved ones.'

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by stephanielyse

We had a few no gift no card attendees. I'm pretty pissed about it. I don't mind no gift, but it seems completely rude to go to a wedding without so much as a congratulations card. I am still sending thank yous to these people, though, because I think it's the proper thing to do. Something along the lines of 'Thank you for celebrating with us, it meant a lot to have you there, our day was made much more special by spending it with loved ones.'

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thanks - yes, I think if I had at least gotten a card from some of the couples that stiffed us, I would feel better. But, you're right...it probably is the right thing to do to send a thank you. I just haven't decided if I'm going to do the right thing yet.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

i read somewhere that etiquitte wise, they have up to a year to send a gift... maybe sending a thank you for sharing in your special day will remind them that they have to send a gift!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I have to agree with 'CLMon' and 'CindyandKevin' - everyone always ATTACKS a bride who says 'How much should I expect to get at my wedding' saying 'You should expect NOTHING... people are there to celebrate your day with you...you can't EXPECT gifts....' and things like that so I think it's funny that THIS side of it is being posted now! I DO agree that they SHOULD have at least brought a CARD, but you never know, maybe they forgot it, or maybe it got LOST by them and they thought they gave it to you (like it got left in their car and they just thought they gave it to you or on your side (like one bride who's DH had 5 cards they found a week later...) So, I have to go with 'of course you should' because it's just good manners as my Mom would say!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

We didn't receive a card from one of DH's coworkers, and we did not send a thank-you. It was our choice not to do so, and we have no regrets about it.

IMO, it IS expected to get gifts at a wedding, just as it is expected at a bridal shower or baby shower. I would never go to any of those events without a gift for the person it's for. To those who think it's not expected, just say that HALF of your guests gave you SQUAT, not even a card. Be honest, would you really be ok with that or would you be upset?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.

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ok, but I respectfully disagree that 'of course I should' - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.

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I agree here. This isn't 1912 where weddings were small and guests provided their presense as the present. Guests are well aware what weddings cost, especially a NYC wedding event. I was brought up to give a gift to the bride and groom that at minumum would cover my plate and my guests plate. If I couldnt afford that, then I always gave something sentimental or special in the least.

I do know however that a guest has exactly 1 year to give you a present. (read this in wedding manners book) so send a small thank you now, but I would not include 'generosity' anywhere in the note.

Sorry if I sound mean, I am just tired of people pulling one over on us

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by leighdvm

To those who think it's not expected, just say that HALF of your guests gave you SQUAT, not even a card. Be honest, would you really be ok with that or would you be upset?

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EXACTLY - AMEN!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by leighdvm

To those who think it's not expected, just say that HALF of your guests gave you SQUAT, not even a card. Be honest, would you really be ok with that or would you be upset?

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100% HONEST answer - No, I wouldn't be upset because this site had me brainwashed that I should expect NOTHING!! In the beginning when I first joined LIW, I read all these threads where brides SAID that!! 'Don't expect ANYTHING... that's NOT why you're having a wedding...' and things like that!!!!! Like attacking a bride for asking 'What should I expect' or 'how much will I get...' Like I said in my other post there's 2 sides to every 'question' so I guess this is the OTHER side to that thread about 'what should I expect'! The other day I was saying something to my Mom about after the wedding I hope to save up money to have our trees cut and she said 'Well, maybe you can use money you get at the wedding...' I said 'Oh, yeah, I might get something...' I SERIOUSLY expect to get NOTHING, because I am inviting people because I want them to be there, not because I 'know they'll give me a gift'. BUT I will say again - NO ONE should be UNABLE to give you a card congratulating you, even if they have to make it on their computer!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I agree with you Alicia! I expect a gift, if you cant afford it and I know this is a fact than I understand. You cannot go to a club and expect free entry or drinks, why should this be expected at a wedding?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by enjft

I agree with you Alicia! I expect a gift, if you cant afford it and I know this is a fact than I understand. You cannot go to a club and expect free entry or drinks, why should this be expected at a wedding?

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Agree here.
I heard from a coworker how ANOTHER co worker showed up w/o ANYTHING-not a card, nothing!
IMO its rude-if you dont have the money, then you just dont go to the wedding.
I would be embarrassed to go someplace w/o a gift like that...

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

You're probably placing too much emphasis on the thank you card. Odds are that if he didn't know he was supposed to give a gift then he probably doesn't even know that he's supposed to receive a thank you card. So if you send one he's not going to get the message that it was rude of him not to give you a gift and if you don't send one he won't get hte message that the reason for not sending a thank you card is that he didn't give a gift. So now, not only has he failed to give you a gift but he's making you stress out over a thank you card. It doesn't make a difference either way. Don't write the thank you yourself and Since its your husband's friend give your husband the option of writing a thank you card for his friend.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by enjft

I agree with you Alicia! I expect a gift, if you cant afford it and I know this is a fact than I understand. You cannot go to a club and expect free entry or drinks, why should this be expected at a wedding?

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Quite possibly because you invited these people...they didn't invite themselves. It's quite rude to expect a gift...someone said at a shower, yes, at a shower it's safe to expect a gift...but this is the wedding we're talking about. I never knew it was a fundraiser...and I never expected a gift from anyone. At our engagement party, I was in tears and shock that people bought us gifts for the engagement party...and there were some who did not. I don't think less of them and I certainly thanked them formally just like the gift givers. Furthermore, the card could've been lost between their cars and yours...they don't all make it safely to the DIY card box or money bag and then safely to your bank account either.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by CLMon7906

...someone said at a shower, yes, at a shower it's safe to expect a gift...but this is the wedding we're talking about.

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I agree with this - I made my shower list very carefully and just immediate family because I know the shower invite is like 'OK, give a gift'... and I don't want to obligate people.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by johnsae

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

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did you REALLY just say 'BOO-YA' to me? Did you receive a gift from every guest that did NOT attend? Because according to your theory, those non-attenders should never be spoken to again. Are you telling me that every wedding guest has read Emily Post's archives and purposely did NOT give you a gift? Regardless of etiquette rules, you should NEVER just EXPECT a gift..the same way one should NEVER EXPECT a TIP. Someone tried to pull the etiquette says bit about thank yous...well, no one was able to find a single article that said you can wait a year and yet many girls think they have a year to thank dear aunt Ethel for that frying pan....shameful.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

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did you REALLY just say 'BOO-YA' to me? Did you receive a gift from every guest that did NOT attend? Because according to your theory, those non-attenders should never be spoken to again. Are you telling me that every wedding guest has read Emily Post's archives and purposely did NOT give you a gift? Regardless of etiquette rules, you should NEVER just EXPECT a gift..the same way one should NEVER EXPECT a TIP. Someone tried to pull the etiquette says bit about thank yous...well, no one was able to find a single article that said you can wait a year and yet many girls think they have a year to thank dear aunt Ethel for that frying pan....shameful.

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Yes, I did say BOO-YA and I will say it again

BOO-YA BOO-YA BOO-YA BOO-YA

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

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did you REALLY just say 'BOO-YA' to me? Did you receive a gift from every guest that did NOT attend? Because according to your theory, those non-attenders should never be spoken to again. Are you telling me that every wedding guest has read Emily Post's archives and purposely did NOT give you a gift? Regardless of etiquette rules, you should NEVER just EXPECT a gift..the same way one should NEVER EXPECT a TIP. Someone tried to pull the etiquette says bit about thank yous...well, no one was able to find a single article that said you can wait a year and yet many girls think they have a year to thank dear aunt Ethel for that frying pan....shameful.

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Yes, I did say BOO-YA and I will say it again

BOO-YA BOO-YA BOO-YA BOO-YA

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