Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I wouldn't want to write the thank you but I would and I would keep it short and sweet.

Thank you for sharing in our special day.

That's it.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

My very own mother will NOT be bringing a gift to our wedding...I have demanded she NOT bring anything and here's why:

my mom was supposed to pay for our wedding pictures as a gift but had a stroke in april. i went to my FH immediately and said 'we have to pay for this, she'll be out of work for a while and we cannot live with ourselves if we ask this of her.' he agreed. did it stink to pay it? yes. but it's more important to me for her to make it at all than to contribute a dime. and she's barely making it at all. my 70 year old grandmother has to fly to her house and drive her from NC just so she can attend her own daughter's wedding. It breaks my heart to talk to her as she speaks rather slowly and I never noticed it until I called her phone the other day and got her voicemail and then she called back...the last voice I heard was chipper and bright...the one on the phone was slow, sad and very weak.

My mother's circumstance is surely not that of many lame-duck guests who either disregard or do not realize it's considered proper to bring a gift of some sort...but I think as brides we forget what it takes for some guests to come to our weddings at all and then we bash them for not giving a gift. You should always find out the whole story before judging...anyone who didn't know why my mom contributed nothing or didn't bring a gift would think she was cold...but anyone who bothered to find out would know she's weak, fragile and very close to death as my 16 year old sister has made her post-stroke life heck and cannot even drive herself to the drug store anymore to pick up the 10 medications that are holding her together.

Maybe this will make some of you think that there could be other reasons....and that getting you a gift was nearly impossible for some...even if they seem on top of their game, they could be at the bottom of the bottom. And not every person will tell you hey, I got laid off 2 days before your wedding...sorry. People have pride...and honestly, they might prefer you to think they totally stiffed you than to admit why they couldn't afford anything.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by Jackie&Justin

Unless your living on the moon or are 10 years old, I think everyone knows a gift or at least a CARD should be given at a wedding.
I would not send a thank you.

---

Thank you Thank you Thank you


Then again....I come from a family where if you did not bring the envelope or the 'gift', or didn't do it later....you just may be talked about.

I am not saying I 'expect' a gift, so to speak.....but I come from a place where its couth, good karma....and don't you want to help out the newly weds? I mean if you can't afford it even a card would be nice!

Everyone has their opinions. Everyone comes from a different place. Every one 'expects' different things. Doesn't mean any of us are wrong or right.

I think a few people just want to argue just for the sake of arguing sometimes on this site. And forget the original question.

So Alicia....yeah...unfortunately...I would just send them a card thanking them for being there. I know it stinks..I'm with ya girl.

And Boo-Ya is like the new word of the week!! Can I please steal it from you?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by alioop4282

I think it's rude to not come with at least a card. I would still send a thank you but in my opinion..and nobody here has to agree with me...it's rude to give NOTHING.

---

Word!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by Nina

---

Posted by Jackie&Justin

Unless your living on the moon or are 10 years old, I think everyone knows a gift or at least a CARD should be given at a wedding.
I would not send a thank you.

---

Thank you Thank you Thank you


Then again....I come from a family where if you did not bring the envelope or the 'gift', or didn't do it later....you just may be talked about.

I am not saying I 'expect' a gift, so to speak.....but I come from a place where its couth, good karma....and don't you want to help out the newly weds? I mean if you can't afford it even a card would be nice!

Everyone has their opinions. Everyone comes from a different place. Every one 'expects' different things. Doesn't mean any of us are wrong or right.

I think a few people just want to argue just for the sake of arguing sometimes on this site. And forget the original question.

So Alicia....yeah...unfortunately...I would just send them a card thanking them for being there. I know it stinks..I'm with ya girl.

And Boo-Ya is like the new word of the week!! Can I please steal it from you?

---

Boo-ya can be used by anyone, anytime

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I'll be honest with you ladies, it is threads like this one that make me want to stray away from LIW for a little while. I like it when this is a place for ladies to come and ask questions without having to feel as though people are judging them for their opinions. It's one thing to give someone asking for advice your opinion, but another to make someone feel bad for feeling the way that they do.

Hopefully we can all enjoy this site for the wonderful help and good laughter that I usually come here for! As I mentioned in my earlier post, I want cards and gifts just so I know who to send thank you's to!!! How can I be expected to remember everyone I saw at my own wedding! Give me a card so I don't overlook you!!! (and please know that I am joking!!!)

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Ha....girls around the office are boo-yaing all over the place!!! Ha ha ha!

Look what the urban dictionary says:

Boo-Ya

1) a phrase said when you are victorious and want to boast to your peers.

'I finally beat you, boo-ya!'

2)rubbing in a sweet victory.

'Rob just beat Rafael in Madden, Blitz, NBA street, and every other game..... BOO YA!'




OMG I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK PRONTO....WE'RE IN HYSTERICS OVER HERE!!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

This is the song that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
And they'll continue singing it forever just because....


BOO-freaking-YA, Alicia

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by Nina

Ha....girls around the office are boo-yaing all over the place!!! Ha ha ha!

Look what the urban dictionary says:

Boo-Ya

1) a phrase said when you are victorious and want to boast to your peers.

'I finally beat you, boo-ya!'

2)rubbing in a sweet victory.

'Rob just beat Rafael in Madden, Blitz, NBA street, and every other game..... BOO YA!'




OMG I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK PRONTO....WE'RE IN HYSTERICS OVER HERE!!!

---

My sis Nina came on to speak my mind! People stray away from the original topic and thats when things get out of hand. For anyone on this site I invite to my wedding, u better at least bring me a card!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

i think its the situation where its very easy to say how you would handle it, but until and unless it actually happens to you, its hard to know what you would do/did.

i'd like to think i'll still send the TY, but who knows how i'll feel come that day.

and imo, its in bad taste to go to a wedding empty handed. no card? there is really no excuse for that

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

they don't HAVE to bring a gift...you invited them to celebrate your wedding with you. Plus, if they do give a gift, they etiquitte says they can send one up to 1 year after the wedding.

Send a thank you for celebrating your day with you.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by CLMon7906

My very own mother will NOT be bringing a gift to our wedding...I have demanded she NOT bring anything and here's why:

my mom was supposed to pay for our wedding pictures as a gift but had a stroke in april. i went to my FH immediately and said 'we have to pay for this, she'll be out of work for a while and we cannot live with ourselves if we ask this of her.' he agreed. did it stink to pay it? yes. but it's more important to me for her to make it at all than to contribute a dime. and she's barely making it at all. my 70 year old grandmother has to fly to her house and drive her from NC just so she can attend her own daughter's wedding. It breaks my heart to talk to her as she speaks rather slowly and I never noticed it until I called her phone the other day and got her voicemail and then she called back...the last voice I heard was chipper and bright...the one on the phone was slow, sad and very weak.

My mother's circumstance is surely not that of many lame-duck guests who either disregard or do not realize it's considered proper to bring a gift of some sort...but I think as brides we forget what it takes for some guests to come to our weddings at all and then we bash them for not giving a gift. You should always find out the whole story before judging...anyone who didn't know why my mom contributed nothing or didn't bring a gift would think she was cold...but anyone who bothered to find out would know she's weak, fragile and very close to death as my 16 year old sister has made her post-stroke life heck and cannot even drive herself to the drug store anymore to pick up the 10 medications that are holding her together.

Maybe this will make some of you think that there could be other reasons....and that getting you a gift was nearly impossible for some...even if they seem on top of their game, they could be at the bottom of the bottom. And not every person will tell you hey, I got laid off 2 days before your wedding...sorry. People have pride...and honestly, they might prefer you to think they totally stiffed you than to admit why they couldn't afford anything.

---

I feel badly about all that you are going through with your family, and it is clear that your wedding will be wonderful because those you love will be there.

That said-I think you are taking this post way too seriously. Your circumstances are completely different from that which the original poster is describing.

In the original poster's circumstances, the person is known for this 'behavior'. The guy could buy a card and has no couth for not doing so.

We had a couple of these people, and I'm still sending a card. BUT, I'm not really doing so because they 'shared my special day'. That's part of it, I guess-the real reason is I don't want these people telling other people that I was rude or a bad bride because I didn't send them a TY. I am more worried about the reputation of my wedding. That is a whole new level of shallowness and bride brain, right?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I agree that there are some people here who take many questions that other people ask with the purpose of genuine curiosity or to simply ask advice and blow it way out of proportion and use it as a way to force their own opinions on others and make those who have different opinions feel like s***. Not cool at all. It is getting to the point where if I see that one of these people have posted something I will not even look at it b/c I know that it will become a battle. It really is a shame. We all neen to realize that this site is for assistance with our weddings. As previously said, we all have different opinions, and that is life!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

This should sum it up nicely. I had one person and his date stiff us. Now, I wanted to be the bigger person and send a thank you. I also thought this might trigger his memory that he stiffed us....so, while I never got a gift, I did think it was proper to thank him. Here's what I wrote:


'Thank you for sharing our day and being a part of it.'

THEN:

'We hope you enjoyed yourselves.'


I made my zinger, he got his thank you. done deal!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by lanabean

This should sum it up nicely. I had one person and his date stiff us. Now, I wanted to be the bigger person and send a thank you. I also thought this might trigger his memory that he stiffed us....so, while I never got a gift, I did think it was proper to thank him. Here's what I wrote:


'Thank you for sharing our day and being a part of it.'

THEN:

'We hope you enjoyed yourselves.'


I made my zinger, he got his thank you. done deal!

---

AMEN TO THIS. I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by CLMon7906

---

Posted by johnsae

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

---

did you REALLY just say 'BOO-YA' to me? Did you receive a gift from every guest that did NOT attend? Because according to your theory, those non-attenders should never be spoken to again. Are you telling me that every wedding guest has read Emily Post's archives and purposely did NOT give you a gift? Regardless of etiquette rules, you should NEVER just EXPECT a gift..the same way one should NEVER EXPECT a TIP. Someone tried to pull the etiquette says bit about thank yous...well, no one was able to find a single article that said you can wait a year and yet many girls think they have a year to thank dear aunt Ethel for that frying pan....shameful.

---

Actually, I haven't finished my thank you's and I got married in November. I guess I'm pretty shameful. Bad bride, bad bride.


ETA: I actually don't know who didn't give me a gift.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by JXNOscar

---

Posted by lanabean

This should sum it up nicely. I had one person and his date stiff us. Now, I wanted to be the bigger person and send a thank you. I also thought this might trigger his memory that he stiffed us....so, while I never got a gift, I did think it was proper to thank him. Here's what I wrote:


'Thank you for sharing our day and being a part of it.'

THEN:

'We hope you enjoyed yourselves.'


I made my zinger, he got his thank you. done deal!

---

AMEN TO THIS. I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

I did this too... actually this person complained to my grandmother she didn't get a TY when everyone else did (which was bizzare because at the time I hadn't even sent out the cards yet!), in addition, she also didn't give us a gift.

Wouldn't you know it, within a week of sending out my TY cards in March, we got a check from her (but still no card!)

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Why hasn't this thread died yet?


I'm sure the original poster already knows what she wants to do....I think we are beating a dead horse here...

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I didn't send thank you notes to those who came to the wedding and didn't give us a card or gift. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. The weeks following the wedding were hectic, and it was difficult enough to write the thank you cards to those who gave us cards and gifts. My free time was limited. I wasn't going to waste it writing thank yous to people who didn't even have the decency to buy us a card.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

---

Posted by McSulllivan

---

Posted by CLMon7906

---

Posted by johnsae

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

---

did you REALLY just say 'BOO-YA' to me? Did you receive a gift from every guest that did NOT attend? Because according to your theory, those non-attenders should never be spoken to again. Are you telling me that every wedding guest has read Emily Post's archives and purposely did NOT give you a gift? Regardless of etiquette rules, you should NEVER just EXPECT a gift..the same way one should NEVER EXPECT a TIP. Someone tried to pull the etiquette says bit about thank yous...well, no one was able to find a single article that said you can wait a year and yet many girls think they have a year to thank dear aunt Ethel for that frying pan....shameful.

---

Actually, I haven't finished my thank you's and I got married in November. I guess I'm pretty shameful. Bad bride, bad bride.


ETA: I actually don't know who didn't give me a gift.

---

Hummm I just think its a little rude That you wait so long to say thank you to your friends and family who took the time to share you special day and Give you a gift.. Its basicly saying that they had to do it .. its shows you dont care ! You have your gifts and dont have time to show some respect and thank your family & friends... I mean fine you want to wiat a few months to write 100 thanks yous understandable but a year LOL thats just insane...