Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by lauren721

call me self-centered, call me greedy, whatever-- if someone came to my wedding and did not give us a gift at all, I would be aggravated and so would many of you whether you want to say it or not. It is RUDE, RUDE, RUDE to go to any celebration like a wedding and not bring a gift. Everyone knows this. If you don't, you are retarded. If you can't afford a gift, at least give a card. If you can't buy a card, write a nice little not on your dinner napkin, whatever. If someone came to my wedding and did not give me anything, they would not get a thank you. What am I thanking them for-- eating, drinking, dancing and having a good time on me? Please! I am sorry if I sound obnoxious-- I am not obnoxious in the least, but I honestly don't believe that anyone would be upset if this happened to them.

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Ditto!!!!!!!!!!! I feel exactly the same. I had a couple of people do this. I also had no show's that never called or sent anything to me. I am really upset about these people behaviors, it is disgusting to me.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by alioop4282

I think it's rude to not come with at least a card. I would still send a thank you but in my opinion..and nobody here has to agree with me...it's rude to give NOTHING.

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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by JazzyT

I definitely agree with you Alicia you as a guest is supposed to bring a gift to someone's wedding and I as a bride am expecting my gifts.
A wedding is not a free for all you pay perhead your guests get a CH, dinner, dancing and open bar throughout the event where else can you go to get such treatment without paying through your arse. I would not send a Thank you Card for someone who did not bring a gift or at least a card I am not futher wasting my money (i.e stamps) on them they were thanked in person at the event they deserve NOTHING more.

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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by diluvchu

Why hasn't this thread died yet?


I'm sure the original poster already knows what she wants to do....I think we are beating a dead horse here...

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I don't know where the old standby is, but hopefully this will do:

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

From the start of planning right through the end, people just don't get it if they haven't planned and gone through their own wedding. Whether it be late responses, no shows, etc. I'm sorry, even you brides who aren't married yet - get off your soap boxes - you will notice and care when you don't receive a gift, b/c it is expected. Just because it is expected, doesn't mean I thought of my wedding as a fund raiser. I got married less than two weeks ago, and the only things I remember are the important moments - seeing DH, our vows, spotlight dances, toasts, etc. So before you accuse me of being some sort of selfish bridezilla - take a look at yourself, and stop being so judgemental. The original poster wanted to know whether or not to send a TY. Jeez.

Alicia - I say send the TY. Etiquette does say they have one year. We also got stiffed (by mostly men), but we will be sending the TY since they did come out to celebrate. If it sparks a 'reminder', so be it!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Yes, be the better person

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by Kris516

From the start of planning right through the end, people just don't get it if they haven't planned and gone through their own wedding. Whether it be late responses, no shows, etc. I'm sorry, even you brides who aren't married yet - get off your soap boxes - you will notice and care when you don't receive a gift, b/c it is expected. Just because it is expected, doesn't mean I thought of my wedding as a fund raiser. I got married less than two weeks ago, and the only things I remember are the important moments - seeing DH, our vows, spotlight dances, toasts, etc. So before you accuse me of being some sort of selfish bridezilla - take a look at yourself, and stop being so judgemental. The original poster wanted to know whether or not to send a TY. Jeez.

Alicia - I say send the TY. Etiquette does say they have one year. We also got stiffed (by mostly men), but we will be sending the TY since they did come out to celebrate. If it sparks a 'reminder', so be it!

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Thank you for summing up my thoughts so eloquently!! I will be sending thank you's to everyone now that I have had days (and lots of opinions) to help me decide.

eta: spelling

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by bellaro782

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Posted by McSulllivan

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

ahhhhh - just copied this from emilypost.com....CLMon7906, all I have to say is BOO-YA!:


Wedding Etiquette —You're Invited to a Wedding. Now What?


Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

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did you REALLY just say 'BOO-YA' to me? Did you receive a gift from every guest that did NOT attend? Because according to your theory, those non-attenders should never be spoken to again. Are you telling me that every wedding guest has read Emily Post's archives and purposely did NOT give you a gift? Regardless of etiquette rules, you should NEVER just EXPECT a gift..the same way one should NEVER EXPECT a TIP. Someone tried to pull the etiquette says bit about thank yous...well, no one was able to find a single article that said you can wait a year and yet many girls think they have a year to thank dear aunt Ethel for that frying pan....shameful.

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Actually, I haven't finished my thank you's and I got married in November. I guess I'm pretty shameful. Bad bride, bad bride.


ETA: I actually don't know who didn't give me a gift.

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Hummm I just think its a little rude That you wait so long to say thank you to your friends and family who took the time to share you special day and Give you a gift.. Its basicly saying that they had to do it .. its shows you dont care ! You have your gifts and dont have time to show some respect and thank your family & friends... I mean fine you want to wiat a few months to write 100 thanks yous understandable but a year LOL thats just insane...

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WOW!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by McSulllivan

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Posted by bellaro782

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Posted by McSulllivan

Actually, I haven't finished my thank you's and I got married in November. I guess I'm pretty shameful. Bad bride, bad bride.

ETA: I actually don't know who didn't give me a gift.

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Hummm I just think its a little rude That you wait so long to say thank you to your friends and family who took the time to share you special day and Give you a gift.. Its basicly saying that they had to do it .. its shows you dont care ! You have your gifts and dont have time to show some respect and thank your family & friends... I mean fine you want to wiat a few months to write 100 thanks yous understandable but a year LOL thats just insane...

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WOW!

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Ok...so I've kept my mouth shut for this entire thing even though it's ventured over to another website...but calling McSullivan 'Rude' is absolutely insane! IMHO No one on this site is as sweet as Mary! AND BTW...November was not a YEAR ago.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by 103005FallBride

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Posted by McSulllivan

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Posted by bellaro782

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Posted by McSulllivan

Actually, I haven't finished my thank you's and I got married in November. I guess I'm pretty shameful. Bad bride, bad bride.

ETA: I actually don't know who didn't give me a gift.

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Hummm I just think its a little rude That you wait so long to say thank you to your friends and family who took the time to share you special day and Give you a gift.. Its basicly saying that they had to do it .. its shows you dont care ! You have your gifts and dont have time to show some respect and thank your family & friends... I mean fine you want to wiat a few months to write 100 thanks yous understandable but a year LOL thats just insane...

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WOW!

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Ok...so I've kept my mouth shut for this entire thing even though it's ventured over to another website...but calling McSullivan 'Rude' is absolutely insane! IMHO No one on this site is as sweet as Mary! AND BTW...November was not a YEAR ago.

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First off ... LOL NO one was targeting - MARY -(McSullivan)........
I was talking about in General.. How I thought it was rude to wait to thank your Guest ....I don’t know what you are all so defensive about, No one was targeted in my original post.. I didn’t know that you not allowed to post your opinion anymore..

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

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OMG This picture again!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I dint get married yet but this happened at our e-party.
It was one person who did this, someone who is VERY closely realted to my FI that did not even walk down to the dollar store and get a card. I saw it as offensive, especially because of my FI relation to this certain someone. We did not send a STD or a TY.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Very well said!!!

I agree with Leese and Alicia 100%...

And seriously where do you live for those of you who do not expect a gift? Anyone living in NY or the tri-state area should know to bring a gift to a wedding, shower, etc. Let's get real!!!

And back to the main question - Alicia asked if she should send a thank you....so my opinion is No - I would not! I guess it would be a really nice gesture of you to send one thanking them for sharing your day with you. But I'd rather not send one. You thanked them in person for being there and that's enough.

I have a large group of friends so we all have a good 6 - 8 weddings to go to a year for the past few years. It gets expensive giving out gifts but you do what you can. I do have a few friends who really believe in that 'you have a year to give a gift' thing. Personally I find that appalling but a couple of my friends really wait until the couple's 1 Year Anniv. to send a wedding gift. I think that's kind of rude and honestly you can almost forget if you sent a gift or not. So Alicia - you may just want to keep that in mind that you may actually keep having gifts trickle in up until a year from your wedding as silly as that sounds.

2 of my best friends got married out of state...1 was a destination wedding and the other is from another state but lives in NYC now with all of us but wanted to get married at home. So those were the 2 weddings we had that we had to travel for. Honestly I spent a ton of money just getting there so I didn't want to write a check. I got them each a gift which I never do b/c I always give cash. I would NEVER not give a gift even if I had to travel to get there. These 2 friends did tell me though that one of our other very best friends gave them absolutely nothing...zippo...not even a card. And she is best friends with these girls too. We all just think it's weird. At least write a nice card to your best friend with a note saying how happy you are for them and that you wish you could have afforded a gift but the expense of getting to the wedding was hard enough for you...something. I am still in shock that this friend gave nothing. So neither of them ever wrote her a thank you. And they both had gorgeous picture thanks you's that I know she saw. It's just weird - really weird. You don't go to a wedding and not give a gift unless you live in the south or something.

OK just had to share my opinion since everyone else was so opinionated on this subject! Can't believe some of the things I read on here...like the comment about 'i would have expected more from someone older than me' - come on...that was too funny - just shows how young and immature that person must be to make a comment like that!

ETA: I was quoting Leese's post but it didn't get copied in for somehow...so when I say 'Very well said' that is in response to Leese.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by bellaro782

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Posted by 103005FallBride

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Posted by McSulllivan

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Posted by bellaro782

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Posted by McSulllivan

Actually, I haven't finished my thank you's and I got married in November. I guess I'm pretty shameful. Bad bride, bad bride.

ETA: I actually don't know who didn't give me a gift.

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Hummm I just think its a little rude That you wait so long to say thank you to your friends and family who took the time to share you special day and Give you a gift.. Its basicly saying that they had to do it .. its shows you dont care ! You have your gifts and dont have time to show some respect and thank your family & friends... I mean fine you want to wiat a few months to write 100 thanks yous understandable but a year LOL thats just insane...

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WOW!

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Ok...so I've kept my mouth shut for this entire thing even though it's ventured over to another website...but calling McSullivan 'Rude' is absolutely insane! IMHO No one on this site is as sweet as Mary! AND BTW...November was not a YEAR ago.

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First off ... LOL NO one was targeting - MARY -(McSullivan)........
I was talking about in General.. How I thought it was rude to wait to thank your Guest ....I don’t know what you are all so defensive about, No one was targeted in my original post.. I didn’t know that you not allowed to post your opinion anymore..

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I think the whole point of this site is so that girls can share their opinions. We actually post questions to get the opinions of others. However, when you say tht you were not targeting anyone in your post, your actual words were 'I just think it is a little rude that YOU wait so long to thank your family and friends...' If you were speaking in general terms, maybe I would have said, in my opinion, I think thank you's should be sent within X amount of months'.

Keep in mind, it is not the intent of what we say or write, it is how it is perceived. When we write things, it is so easy for people to misunderstand because you can't hear the tone of voice or see the expressions. You may have intended on speaking in general terms, but the way I read it, it sounded like you were talking directly to the girl who posted the comment, calling her rude. JMO!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

It doesn't shock me with that site..

The nerve of you to EXPECT a gift.. you EXPECT a paycheck because you work for it.. that is something that is expected,

The definition of a gift is this:
Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.
The act, right, or power of giving.

That is the mistake that alot of people make, they have these huge weddings and expected people to pay for it.. if you can't afford it then don't have it, it is as simple as that.

Giving is a gift that not everyone has, people has to have the spirit of giving, yeah we all like things and want things that is apart of us but I would be silly to expect people to give me things.

If that is the case then I would EXPECT the following things:

1. When visitors visit my home for them to bring their own food.

2. My parents to watch my kids all the time, after all it is there grandkids.

3. Expect not to study and pass my test.

4. Expect a check even if I am not working...

I am sorry I am venting because my tolerance for stupid saying is very low..

ooh yeah the nerve and very stupid of a person to expect someone to buy them a house.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by alioop4282

I think it's rude to not come with at least a card. I would still send a thank you but in my opinion..and nobody here has to agree with me...it's rude to give NOTHING.

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But then it there would be another post saying

If someone attended our wedding but didn't give you are card with money, do I write them a thank you anyway?

GROW UP, if you have not learn already that in life you don't EXPECT people to give you things, you work for it then you should not be getting married, that is so selfish of a person, and personally I do not care, if you agree with me or not because you know what I do not EXPECT things from people...

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

You hit it right on the nail!! I couldn't agree with you more.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I have to laugh at this because here I was tonight writing out my thank yous....and guess which one is the next one on my list that I have to write?? You guessed it, my MOH.

Now my dilemma is this...she lives on the same block as my aunt, uncle & other cousin. So chances are she will see if I write something different in her card than my aunts. But I can't write 'thanks for the generous gift' in hers since she didn't even give a card. On the same token I just don't want to write 'thanks for sharing in our day'.

I guess I'm asking what else can I put in the card that sounds cordial but might be a zinger at the same time??

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I would write a thank you, but say thank you for coming to the wedding.