Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by SIBride06

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Posted by johnsae

Ladies...I love you all. I just wanted to know if I should send a thank you card to those that attended my wedding but didn't acknowledge it with a card or a gift. In no way did I ever view my wedding as the means to getting gifts. But, as someone earlier pointed out - don't most of us register at stores for our wedding b/c we think that MOST people will want to celebrate our marriages by giving us a gift?

Somehow this thread turned the focus away from the thank you note and now it seems to be about using a wedding to get gifts, which is asinine.

Just wanted to make peace here and bring the thread back down to reality. I think most of you know me well enough to realize that I am not the materialistic, b*tch that some of you are implying.

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No worries Alicia We love you too. Sometimes these posts can get out of hand and can sway off in a direction we dont want it to go.!
Im sure there were no hard feelings between anyone.

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Thanks, Janie

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae



you are getting married in a few days. it is only human to get stressed out, but try not to get your panties in a bunch over a thread on these boards.

best of luck to you

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i'm not stressed nor are my panties in a bunch...i simply find it appalling that someone would actually admit to expecting a gift...a gift is just that...a gift....you aren't entitled to it. it's what someone deems you worthy of receiving.

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I have a simple question..I just spent 20 minutes reading most of this thread...do you have a card box, bird cage, envelope purse or whatever prepared for your wedding?...if so and anyone who does...you are EXPECTING a gift.. I am not saying it is right and I probably would write the thankyou...but lets not attack each other...I think deep down, while we all realize this is a special day bla bla bla...we all expect gifts. I wouldnt hold it against someone certainly if they didnt bring one...but I wouldnt criticize someone for expecting them either.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

For the BTDT brides, I think we can all relate to how disappointing it feels when you think well enough of someone to invite them, but they do not think of you to even write out so much as a card. It stinks no matter how you colour it.

For the FB & FGs you can say what you want, but until you feel that lack of importance from someone you held dear enough to witness the most important day of your life, then you cannot know how it stings when they do not care to put a pen to paper and say something nice in a card, or even by giving a gift that you will look at and think of them. It is not about the $$ in an card or envelope, but rather that your love for the person you invited is reciprocated.

JMO

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by HearzBellz

For the BTDT brides, I think we can all relate to how disappointing it feels when you think well enough of someone to invite them, but they do not think of you to even write out so much as a card. It stinks no matter how you colour it.

For the FB & FGs you can say what you want, but until you feel that lack of importance from someone you held dear enough to witness the most important day of your life, then you cannot know how it stings when they do not care to put a pen to paper and say something nice in a card, or even by giving a gift that you will look at and think of them. It is not about the $$ in an card or envelope, but rather that your love for the person you invited is reciprocated.

JMO

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On the other side of that, I've been the guest of a wedding and been the one to give the gift and be left off the thank you...so yes, I know the sting you speak of...but one should be the bigger person and say thank you for coming. It's polite.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by CaseyVM214

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae



you are getting married in a few days. it is only human to get stressed out, but try not to get your panties in a bunch over a thread on these boards.

best of luck to you

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i'm not stressed nor are my panties in a bunch...i simply find it appalling that someone would actually admit to expecting a gift...a gift is just that...a gift....you aren't entitled to it. it's what someone deems you worthy of receiving.

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I have a simple question..I just spent 20 minutes reading most of this thread...do you have a card box, bird cage, envelope purse or whatever prepared for your wedding?...if so and anyone who does...you are EXPECTING a gift.. I am not saying it is right and I probably would write the thankyou...but lets not attack each other...I think deep down, while we all realize this is a special day bla bla bla...we all expect gifts. I wouldnt hold it against someone certainly if they didnt bring one...but I wouldnt criticize someone for expecting them either.

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FMIL required me to have some sort of something to collect cards. I actually refused and said it was tacky. She insisted...doesn't at all mean I approve.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by SIBride06

No worries Alicia We love you too. Sometimes these posts can get out of hand and can sway off in a direction we dont want it to go.!
Im sure there were no hard feelings between anyone.

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just so you know alicia, no hard feelings here.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by cindyandkevin

This is a sticky situation, and I certainly understand you being upset, but I try to focus on what's important. The reason you invited people to your wedding was because you wanted them to celebrate with you, they seem to have done that. Sure a gift is usally commonplace and is often seen as rude if not given, but remember it's not the reason why you asked them to be there.

So yes, I would send them a 'thanks for sharing in our special day' TY. And then you can save the 'thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness' for everyone else.

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After reading the entire thread - I think Cindy said it best...I would send them a TY for sharing your day REGARDLESS if they gave you anything...

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I totally would not send them a card if they didn't give you a gift. I didn't have any that didn't give a gift come to my wedding....but I did have some who were no-shows and didn't even acknowledge that they missed the most important day in my life.

The OP is asking a question and I will respond truthfully that I would not send it. There is one woman in my office that didn't come (with a guest) and didn't even apologize. She is upset that she didn't recieve a picture of my wedding and although I sympathize, I am very hurt she didn't come. I did receive gifts from those who didn't come and I went out of my way to get them favors, etc.

But, I am not ashamed to say that I do expect some sort of present, whether it be a beautiful vase or a handmade card or something to cherish or help me start my life on. The reason I expect something is because I look forward to giving others gifts for their special occasions.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by johnsae

Somehow this thread turned the focus away from the thank you note and now it seems to be about using a wedding to get gifts, which is asinine.

Just wanted to make peace here and bring the thread back down to reality. I think most of you know me well enough to realize that I am not the materialistic, b*tch that some of you are implying.

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I know you weren't trying to turn this thread into where it went, but I think it brought up a good point. I NEVER thought you were materialistic for asking that question about the thank you - it just raised a DIFFERENT big issue - One that I saw when I FIRST joined LIW - that you shouldn't EXPECT to 'get' something, or 'break even' or whatever and that you should only have a wedding you can afford, etc... I TOTALLY know that's NOT where you were going with this thread.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by FallBride05

We had a couple of stiffers too, but I sent a Thank You for sharing in our special day card anyway.

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that's what I did- 2 of them I know are not in a good finacanical place

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Guest Without a Gift

Q Our daughter was married four months ago. A close business associate of my husband's came to the wedding but never sent a gift. Should we ask him if he gave her anything in case it got lost?

A You're better off not asking, because it would be embarrassing for all if no present has been sent. To find out more discreetly, ask your daughter to write him, thanking him for coming to the wedding. The note, minus mention of a gift, might prompt him to ask whether his present had arrived -- or remind him to buy a present ASAP.





Showering gifts on a newly betrothed couple is a time-honored tradition that seems to become more deeply ingrained with time. And no wonder: wedding gift giving is big business. Still, the idea behind wedding gifts is a fine one. It is a tangible representation of love and support, a generous offering to help married couples get a head start in their lives together.

Guests invited to the wedding ceremony and reception have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not. There are few exceptions. If you live far away from where the wedding will take place or have been out of touch with the couple for several years, and are not planning to attend the wedding, there's no need to send a gift. Also, the receipt of a wedding announcement after the wedding carries no gift obligation, although it's thoughtful to send the couple a note or card expressing your 'best wishes.'

A guest invited to a shower should bring a gift. If an invited guest can't attend, it is not obligatory to send a gift; however, a close friend or family member sometimes chooses to send a gift regardless.

Engagement gifts have never been obligatory and are not expected from casual friends and acquaintances. But they are becoming customary in some parts of the country, usually given to the couple by family members and close friends. An invitation to an engagement party implies that gifts are welcome -- unless the host or hostess declares otherwise. A guest who is unsure about whether or not to bring a gift to an engagement party may simply ask the hosts for guidance.

I'm often asked if there is a formula for calculating how much a guest should spend on a gift. Yes -- the amount spent on the gift should be based on your affection for and relationship with the couple -- or their families -- as well as your budget. People sometimes say that a wedding gift should cost at least as much as the bride and groom are spending on entertaining each person at the reception, but that is simply a myth.

Appropriate wedding gifts run the gamut from fine china and small household appliances, to gardening tools and camping equipment, to money and gift certificates. Selecting a gift should be an enjoyable process. But for the 'shopping-challenged' among us, bridal registries certainly simplify the process of finding the right gift. Today, couples often register for gifts with two or more stores, web sites, or even travel agents and brokerage houses. Registry information is discreetly spread by word of mouth or can be included as an insert in a shower invitation -- but should never grace the folds of a wedding invitation. To mention gifts in the wedding invitation puts much emphasis on what the gift, and less on hoping the invited can come to the wedding -- a turnoff for most friends and relatives. Gifts are a guest's choice. There is no need to purchase from the registry if you have something else in mind. Sometimes the most cherished gifts are carefully chosen surprises.

Generally, wedding gifts should be delivered to the bride's home or to the home of her parents before the wedding, addressed to the bride. When gifts are sent after the wedding, they are sent to the couple at their new address. When a couple is living together before the wedding, gifts are either sent to them at their home address or to the bride's parents if they are hosting the wedding. The circumstances are the guide. In some areas and cultures, it is customary to bring the gift to the wedding reception rather than deliver it ahead of time

Gifts may be sent as soon as a guest receives an invitation. The advantage of sending gifts ahead of time is that the bride and groom do not need to worry about keeping gifts safe at the reception site and transporting them after the reception. Another myth: guests have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. Ideally, not so. Gifts should be sent before the wedding.

Each and every wedding gift should be acknowledged by a hand written thank-you note from the bride and groom -- promptly. Couples should aim to write notes on the day the gift arrives, whenever possible. There is no excuse for not having all thank-you notes written within three months of the wedding -- at the most.

If a guest has not received a thank-you note, he or she should call or write the bride and groom to ask if the gift was received. Or, a guest could ask a family member of the bride and groom to check if the gift was received. The gift-giver should display concern rather than criticism. If the newlyweds did not receive the gift, it can be traced or replaced. If the couple has not sent thanks due to thoughtlessness, hopefully they'll learn a lesson and write the remaining notes more promptly.




if you are having trouble getting your words to paper for your thank you's -
thank you note generator

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I would thank them for attending the wedding...that's it.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by sarahbelle

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Posted by cindyandkevin

So yes, I would send them a 'thanks for sharing in our special day' TY. And then you can save the 'thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness' for everyone else.

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I would do the same.

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I agree.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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you are getting married in a few days. it is only human to get stressed out, but try not to get your panties in a bunch over a thread on these boards.

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i know I certainly wouldn't want to get THESE panties in a bunch!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

so what many of you are saying is that you'd rather get a gift or money (cause the whole point of a card box is that money is inside the card) than to have just married the man of your dreams and share that moment and day with your friends and family? if so, why get married? just throw a party and ask for gifts. it seems pretty petty to practically demand a gift from someone to view them as worthy guests. by neglecting to thank them at all, are you any better?

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oh, definitely. I think that's what we're all saying.

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ALL? i think that while you'll don't stand alone, your opinion is not the only one. i really pity you if you really base a person's worth off a gift.

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you are getting married in a few days. it is only human to get stressed out, but try not to get your panties in a bunch over a thread on these boards.

best of luck to you

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i know I certainly wouldn't want to get THESE panties in a bunch!

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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by Jweb17

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

so what many of you are saying is that you'd rather get a gift or money (cause the whole point of a card box is that money is inside the card) than to have just married the man of your dreams and share that moment and day with your friends and family? if so, why get married? just throw a party and ask for gifts. it seems pretty petty to practically demand a gift from someone to view them as worthy guests. by neglecting to thank them at all, are you any better?

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oh, definitely. I think that's what we're all saying.

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ALL? i think that while you'll don't stand alone, your opinion is not the only one. i really pity you if you really base a person's worth off a gift.

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you are getting married in a few days. it is only human to get stressed out, but try not to get your panties in a bunch over a thread on these boards.

best of luck to you

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i know I certainly wouldn't want to get THESE panties in a bunch!

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I have to say - its the 1st time I ever made MYSELF laugh here on LIW!!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I definitely agree with you Alicia you as a guest is supposed to bring a gift to someone's wedding and I as a bride am expecting my gifts.
A wedding is not a free for all you pay perhead your guests get a CH, dinner, dancing and open bar throughout the event where else can you go to get such treatment without paying through your arse. I would not send a Thank you Card for someone who did not bring a gift or at least a card I am not futher wasting my money (i.e stamps) on them they were thanked in person at the event they deserve NOTHING more.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by CLMon7906

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Posted by HearzBellz

For the BTDT brides, I think we can all relate to how disappointing it feels when you think well enough of someone to invite them, but they do not think of you to even write out so much as a card. It stinks no matter how you colour it.

For the FB & FGs you can say what you want, but until you feel that lack of importance from someone you held dear enough to witness the most important day of your life, then you cannot know how it stings when they do not care to put a pen to paper and say something nice in a card, or even by giving a gift that you will look at and think of them. It is not about the $$ in an card or envelope, but rather that your love for the person you invited is reciprocated.

JMO

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On the other side of that, I've been the guest of a wedding and been the one to give the gift and be left off the thank you...so yes, I know the sting you speak of...but one should be the bigger person and say thank you for coming. It's polite.

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I did not make a comment either way as to what she should do for the TYs. That is her and her DHs decision. I was merely commenting on the fact that so many people think gift=money=important, and when all is said and done it is not about the $$ value of a gift/card, it is the thought.

ETA: I know she was asking for help, but I feel that she knows those guests better than we do, and will know if it was done out of malice or not. JMHO

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

The whole reason people give gifts of cash at weddings is to help the new couple start a life together. It's kind and proper to do this. If someone did not give a gift, I wouldn't think they were normal. I would NEVER show up to a wedding without a gift. It makes you look like a freeloader.

Also, I thought the whole point of thank you notes was to thank people for gifts, as opposed to attending the event. When someone congratulates me at work I don't send them a thank you note, but if I get a gift, then I do.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by sarahthegreat

my wedding IS a fund raiser. how else am i going to pay for my house??

now let it go.....

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