Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Ladies - thank you for this thread. I am bookmarking it.

I honestly don't know how I will feel when the wedding gets here and I find that some people don't even bring a card to say congrats (and I'm sure there will be at least one, since that seems to be the norm).

I know my sister was bent out of shape about not receiving a gift from her former roommate. But said person didn't give a gift at the bridal shower, the wedding, the baby shower, or the baby's first b-day party two weeks ago. Nor did she bring a card to any of those events. I'm pretty sure she sent a thank-you for attending the wedding, but not for any other event.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

HMMM, well yes id be alil dissapointed to not receive a gift, but i would also imagine that i invited this person because i wanted them to be there with me, not because i knew how much each person would give exactly...except my boss, hes rich and i EXPECT a gift from him

HOWEVER, on another note, it seems like antagonizing someone on the internet about something as ridiculous as this, is best saved for 18 year olds in an AOL chat room...lets grow up ladies ;)
everyone has someone to answer to for their behavior, i seriously doubt its anyone on these chat boards lol

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Ladies, this thread is getting way too serious for me.....

Here's my opinion.... if someone neglected to get me a gift, card or money, how am I supposed to remember to send them a thank you??? Personally, I thought that the point of giving a gift was so that they knew you were there and could send you a proper thank you note!!! I have a really bad memory... I am sure that when I get caught up in the moment of marrying the man of my dreams, having the happiest day of my life and sharing it with all my closest friends and family... I am bound to forget that I saw someone!

SO, shame on them if they neglect to give me my money, gift or card because they may not receive my thank you card!!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by JXNOscar

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by CLMon7906

Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.

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ok, but I respectfully disagree that 'of course I should' - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.

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I agree here. This isn't 1912 where weddings were small and guests provided their presense as the present. Guests are well aware what weddings cost, especially a NYC wedding event. I was brought up to give a gift to the bride and groom that at minumum would cover my plate and my guests plate. If I couldnt afford that, then I always gave something sentimental or special in the least.

I do know however that a guest has exactly 1 year to give you a present. (read this in wedding manners book) so send a small thank you now, but I would not include 'generosity' anywhere in the note.

Sorry if I sound mean, I am just tired of people pulling one over on us

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So here it is again... a gift and it should cover the plate. So should I call the RH and find out how much my meal is going to be? Should it include the DJ, florist cost, etc...?

We have those threads all the time. What if a plate is $200 per person? Do you really expect people to give you $400 just to show up at your wedding?

I think everyone wants a gift. It's normal human reactions. It's a way to be 'recognized'.

In reality, it is best not to expect anything. That way you don't get disappointed and 'anything' is a gift.

Alicia, I would personally thank them for 'being' at your wedding. I know you wanted a gift but sometimes it does not work that way. Be the better person and thank them. Who knows? Maybe they will send you a gift later. If not, you know that you won't invite them to another event if you expect a present.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I had to post on here because a few of you on the newlywed board knew my own experience with this....

My own MOH / 1st cousin did not even get me a card or a gift. This is the biatch who made my entire planning experience hell and almost didn't give me a shower and forced me to have someone else plan the bachelorette party. She also added her son on the RSVP when I only invited her and her DH.

I am still sending her a TY card as much as she doesn't deserve one. She hasn't even spoken to us since the wedding. But I will sit here and be the better person!!!

Oh and I don't give a flying fart what anyone says, a gift should never be expected!!! Because guaranteed there will be people who will stiff you. The people who surprise you with their generosity will outweigh the stiffers. But if you walk in expecting nothing, you will be pleasantly surprised. You walk in expecting the world, you will be sorely disappointed.

Oh, and the childish comments made me feel like I was back in an AOL teen chat room as well. WTH?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by ahall04

Ladies, this thread is getting way too serious for me.....

Here's my opinion.... if someone neglected to get me a gift, card or money, how am I supposed to remember to send them a thank you??? Personally, I thought that the point of giving a gift was so that they knew you were there and could send you a proper thank you note!!! I have a really bad memory... I am sure that when I get caught up in the moment of marrying the man of my dreams, having the happiest day of my life and sharing it with all my closest friends and family... I am bound to forget that I saw someone!

SO, shame on them if they neglect to give me my money, gift or card because they may not receive my thank you card!!!

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WORD

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by BKtoLI

I had to post on here because a few of you on the newlywed board knew my own experience with this....

My own MOH / 1st cousin did not even get me a card or a gift. This is the biatch who made my entire planning experience hell and almost didn't give me a shower and forced me to have someone else plan the bachelorette party. She also added her son on the RSVP when I only invited her and her DH.

I am still sending her a TY card as much as she doesn't deserve one. She hasn't even spoken to us since the wedding. But I will sit here and be the better person!!!

Oh and I don't give a flying fart what anyone says, a gift should never be expected!!! Because guaranteed there will be people who will stiff you. The people who surprise you with their generosity will outweigh the stiffers. But if you walk in expecting nothing, you will be pleasantly surprised. You walk in expecting the world, you will be sorely disappointed.

Oh, and the childish comments made me feel like I was back in an AOL teen chat room as well. WTH?

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I have to chime in here.. I totally agree with the above and the below posts.

Sometimes it does not work that way. Be the better person and thank them. Who knows? Maybe they will send you a gift later. If not, you know that you won't invite them to another event if you expect a present.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Bottom line is-- do what you will. We all need to stop caring what each other are doing. Some people feel one way and others another. We all have opinions and we all don't always agree. Whatever. We are here for help with planning our weddings. Each post no matter how silly or aggaravating gives us insight. This is something I never thought about and I probably will not have to worry about b/c I don't think that anyone that I invited would want to come to our wedding without some kind of a gift. Nevertheless, you are right when you say that the real gift is marrying the one you love... Unfortunately for many of us, we grew up in the most materialistic place known to man (next to LA) and we do expect gifts. Sometimes we need to be reminded that that is not what it is all about. I would still find it rude to attend any affair w/o a gift, but I would never make an issue of it. It happens. The end. I'm done- time to print out my menus. Good night all!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I'm done too - goodnight everyone

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I would definately send them a thank you card thanking them for sharing in your day. I think it is a nice gesture

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by enjft

I agree with you Alicia! I expect a gift, if you cant afford it and I know this is a fact than I understand. You cannot go to a club and expect free entry or drinks, why should this be expected at a wedding?

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Sorry - this isn't a club or a bar - this is a wedding - you go to a club or a bar FOR the drinks, the food, not the company and to share in a wonderful occasion...

Our best man and partner didn't give us a gift or card - they came all the way from California to be with us, took us out, bought us drinks, spent the entire weekend by our side. They didn't give us a card- but their presence, I believe, was the most wonderful gift.

3 of my friends came together - 1 works in starbucks, the other is a divorced dad, the other works in a bakery and a bar... They got me a card - together. No gift. They said they will get me something later, but I'm not expecting anything....

Like Kitty - I expected nothing, and was surprised at how much we got. DH has been out of work, so this saves our butt a little as we struggle to make ends meet and help pay child support and still have some fun and a life - but I wasn't looking for the wedding to be a big cash bash here - it was my wedding. I wanted people to be there because I love them...

Even before I found our lost checks that I had no idea about - the people who I thought didn't give anything - like my AUNT - I just shrugged and said oh well... You never know whats going on.

to tell you the truth - it broke my heart when I opened up envelopes and saw 25 dollars from people, or 50 dollars from people. When people give that kind of money - it doesnt mean they are cheap - it means they are poor - and they did the best they could to still give a gift. Some people may be annoyed by that - I cried that they felt obligated or just still wanted to give and they had to scrape up what they had....

There are 2 sides on this issue, as Kittythestray pointed out.

Ladies - PLEASE remember why we are getting married, or got married.

Was it the money, or the honey???

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by enjft

I agree with you Alicia! I expect a gift, if you cant afford it and I know this is a fact than I understand. You cannot go to a club and expect free entry or drinks, why should this be expected at a wedding?

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Sorry - this isn't a club or a bar - this is a wedding - you go to a club or a bar FOR the drinks, the food, not the company and to share in a wonderful occasion...

Our best man and partner didn't give us a gift or card - they came all the way from California to be with us, took us out, bought us drinks, spent the entire weekend by our side. They didn't give us a card- but their presence, I believe, was the most wonderful gift.

3 of my friends came together - 1 works in starbucks, the other is a divorced dad, the other works in a bakery and a bar... They got me a card - together. No gift. They said they will get me something later, but I'm not expecting anything....

Like Kitty - I expected nothing, and was surprised at how much we got. DH has been out of work, so this saves our butt a little as we struggle to make ends meet and help pay child support and still have some fun and a life - but I wasn't looking for the wedding to be a big cash bash here - it was my wedding. I wanted people to be there because I love them...

Even before I found our lost checks that I had no idea about - the people who I thought didn't give anything - like my AUNT - I just shrugged and said oh well... You never know whats going on.

to tell you the truth - it broke my heart when I opened up envelopes and saw 25 dollars from people, or 50 dollars from people. When people give that kind of money - it doesnt mean they are cheap - it means they are poor - and they did the best they could to still give a gift. Some people may be annoyed by that - I cried that they felt obligated or just still wanted to give and they had to scrape up what they had....

There are 2 sides on this issue, as Kittythestray pointed out.

Ladies - PLEASE remember why we are getting married, or got married.

Was it the money, or the honey???

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Well said!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

my wedding IS a fund raiser. how else am i going to pay for my house??

now let it go.....

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by sarahthegreat

my wedding IS a fund raiser. how else am i going to pay for my house??

now let it go.....

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see - when people say that, it always confuses me - why not elope and use the money you would have spent to buy the house?

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Send a thank you. Especially if it made you feel good to have all those guests share in your day

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by sarahthegreat

my wedding IS a fund raiser. how else am i going to pay for my house??

now let it go.....

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see - when people say that, it always confuses me - why not elope and use the money you would have spent to buy the house?

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its a joke, my wedding is not a fund raiser. but i think we will notice who we don't get gifts/cards from. just trying to lighten the mood

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

I think it's rude to not come with at least a card. I would still send a thank you but in my opinion..and nobody here has to agree with me...it's rude to give NOTHING.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by SIBride06

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by enjft

I agree with you Alicia! I expect a gift, if you cant afford it and I know this is a fact than I understand. You cannot go to a club and expect free entry or drinks, why should this be expected at a wedding?

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Sorry - this isn't a club or a bar - this is a wedding - you go to a club or a bar FOR the drinks, the food, not the company and to share in a wonderful occasion...

Our best man and partner didn't give us a gift or card - they came all the way from California to be with us, took us out, bought us drinks, spent the entire weekend by our side. They didn't give us a card- but their presence, I believe, was the most wonderful gift.

3 of my friends came together - 1 works in starbucks, the other is a divorced dad, the other works in a bakery and a bar... They got me a card - together. No gift. They said they will get me something later, but I'm not expecting anything....

Like Kitty - I expected nothing, and was surprised at how much we got. DH has been out of work, so this saves our butt a little as we struggle to make ends meet and help pay child support and still have some fun and a life - but I wasn't looking for the wedding to be a big cash bash here - it was my wedding. I wanted people to be there because I love them...

Even before I found our lost checks that I had no idea about - the people who I thought didn't give anything - like my AUNT - I just shrugged and said oh well... You never know whats going on.

to tell you the truth - it broke my heart when I opened up envelopes and saw 25 dollars from people, or 50 dollars from people. When people give that kind of money - it doesnt mean they are cheap - it means they are poor - and they did the best they could to still give a gift. Some people may be annoyed by that - I cried that they felt obligated or just still wanted to give and they had to scrape up what they had....

There are 2 sides on this issue, as Kittythestray pointed out.

Ladies - PLEASE remember why we are getting married, or got married.

Was it the money, or the honey???

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Well said!

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I couldn't agree more!!

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

Ladies...I love you all. I just wanted to know if I should send a thank you card to those that attended my wedding but didn't acknowledge it with a card or a gift. In no way did I ever view my wedding as the means to getting gifts. But, as someone earlier pointed out - don't most of us register at stores for our wedding b/c we think that MOST people will want to celebrate our marriages by giving us a gift?

Somehow this thread turned the focus away from the thank you note and now it seems to be about using a wedding to get gifts, which is asinine.

Just wanted to make peace here and bring the thread back down to reality. I think most of you know me well enough to realize that I am not the materialistic, b*tch that some of you are implying.

Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?

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Posted by johnsae

Ladies...I love you all. I just wanted to know if I should send a thank you card to those that attended my wedding but didn't acknowledge it with a card or a gift. In no way did I ever view my wedding as the means to getting gifts. But, as someone earlier pointed out - don't most of us register at stores for our wedding b/c we think that MOST people will want to celebrate our marriages by giving us a gift?

Somehow this thread turned the focus away from the thank you note and now it seems to be about using a wedding to get gifts, which is asinine.

Just wanted to make peace here and bring the thread back down to reality. I think most of you know me well enough to realize that I am not the materialistic, b*tch that some of you are implying.

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No worries Alicia We love you too. Sometimes these posts can get out of hand and can sway off in a direction we dont want it to go.!
Im sure there were no hard feelings between anyone.