Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cbcf

I don't agree with everything she says...but I feel that some of the things are very true.

Plus why bash her for who she WAS. I mean yes people make mistakes. And I don't like when people are hypocritical. BUT...she isn't doing this stuff now she did it when she was younger. And maybe she wishes she had this advice when she was younger to be able to reflect upon and it could have saved her marriage and not get into the situations she put herself into. I mean her advice isnt demanding it is just there for whoever wants to take it accept it and reflect on it.

Like I said I dont agree with everything. Come on now if I am tired and really dont want to have sex FH can understand that and we can do it tomorrow mornign when I am refreshed

But I mean I am willing to make my FH happy- After all I love the man and want to spend the rest of my life with him I dont want him to be miserable. And yes we respect each other and do things eqaully and compromise. But if I am staying at home with children and am lucky enough to do that because FH makes a good amount of $ I am definitely going to be greatful and appreciate that and yes be nice nad greet him and possibly have dinner ready for him or something- unless i have 3 young children and was running around after them all day. but then that goes towards FH. When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other. I mean no I dont think we need to be at their beck and call but yes I will always be there for FH if he needs me because I know he will be there for me.

Oh and on another note- I know that my FH def doesnt understand me sometimes when I say things..so yes I should make it simple for him. But I also nkow he has emotions that arent the same as mine and I cant get mad at him for that!! hehe

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well put catie!

when you said..

When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other.

thats pretty much what dr. L is saying!!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by kellybean

ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........

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AMEN TO THAT!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

It seems almost degrading to woman. I am the bread winner in my family, I have a great, interesting job that I enjoy and my FH doesnt mind it at all. He cooks dinner 5 nights a week (he gets home 2 hours before I do). We share in the cleaning. If I am tired, I am not going to have sex, I am going to go to bed.

We are EQUALS in our relationship. We should make each other happy, it shouldnt be one sided for me to make him happy and make sure all his needs are met. I have needs too.

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You're missing the point here. i'm not going to sit here and defend her. I'm just going to say, again, that her basic idea is that you are in control of your happiness, and, you need to make others happy in order to do so.

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But it seems like the book is all about making the MAN happy.......I dont agree with that. We are equals in our relationship....

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I'm gonna have to jump in here and agree with FutureMrsT. FH knows me and knows who I am, we've been together for 10 years. If he wants a housekeeper, cook and maid, he can hire one. I have a full time job and work hard. So does he. We share domestic responsibilities, why shouldn't we?

Bottom line is, each relationship is different and that is the business of those in the relationship. Just as my FH knows he's not marrying a housekeeper, I know that I am not marrying into a 'traditional' role. My happiness is as important as his.

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mentioned, to each their own. But I don't need Dr. Laura telling me how I should go about keeping my FH happy. He is responsible for his own happiness!

.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by irishsweetheart

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Posted by kellybean

ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........

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AMEN TO THAT!

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and to even further my point....we give birth and nurse and let me tell you something when you have an almost 11 pound 24 and half inch baby then and maybe then will I kiss FH ***....but he has to nurse also!!!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by cbcf

I don't agree with everything she says...but I feel that some of the things are very true.

Plus why bash her for who she WAS. I mean yes people make mistakes. And I don't like when people are hypocritical. BUT...she isn't doing this stuff now she did it when she was younger. And maybe she wishes she had this advice when she was younger to be able to reflect upon and it could have saved her marriage and not get into the situations she put herself into. I mean her advice isnt demanding it is just there for whoever wants to take it accept it and reflect on it.

Like I said I dont agree with everything. Come on now if I am tired and really dont want to have sex FH can understand that and we can do it tomorrow mornign when I am refreshed

But I mean I am willing to make my FH happy- After all I love the man and want to spend the rest of my life with him I dont want him to be miserable. And yes we respect each other and do things eqaully and compromise. But if I am staying at home with children and am lucky enough to do that because FH makes a good amount of $ I am definitely going to be greatful and appreciate that and yes be nice nad greet him and possibly have dinner ready for him or something- unless i have 3 young children and was running around after them all day. but then that goes towards FH. When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other. I mean no I dont think we need to be at their beck and call but yes I will always be there for FH if he needs me because I know he will be there for me.

Oh and on another note- I know that my FH def doesnt understand me sometimes when I say things..so yes I should make it simple for him. But I also nkow he has emotions that arent the same as mine and I cant get mad at him for that!! hehe

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well put catie!

when you said..

When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other.

thats pretty much what dr. L is saying!!

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thanks Gina. I guess everyone just has to take this book (if they read it) with a grain of salt and like Kitwisdom said enjoy reading the written words more than thinking bout who actually wrote it.

And yes I believe repsect is a major part of a relationship as well as trust honesty etc etc. And with respect comes respect and being there for each other.I know FH will do the coooking, cleaning and laundry at times. But I know I will as well. And why not respect him when he says he is tooo tired to do something (I mean as long as it isnt all the time) because I know there will be times when I say the same thing haha - did that make any sense???

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by kellybean

ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........

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Totally with you -- some of the things that this women says -- 'chart ing your menstrual cycle' so that you knoow that you need to just 'shut up and let it pass' so that you don't upset your FH/DH????

yeah -- sorry but during THAT time my DH caters to ME cause i feel like crap. i take EXCELLENT care of my husband -- we are very much in love cause when one needs a little extra -- we take care of EACH OTHER

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by ant n tilde

i didnt read the review bc i want to read the book but i bookmarked it

but seriously i totally agree with everything she says ( on her show )

maybe its not RIGHT and maybe its not PC but thats the way it is in my house and thats the way it will be when i am with FH - we are very traditional and believe in the traditional (old school) roles. . .I believe all this PC bullcrap is leading to the downfall of society THERE I SAID IT!!! i dont like to talk about it often bc i have never really met someone who agrees with me LOL so i dont feel like getting flamed but that is how i feel - i am definitely an anti feminist.

but i will not say more until i have read it!

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Matilde, I respect where you're coming from and how you plan to 'do it' in your household with your FH when you're married (and no, I don't mean THAT 'do it' you dirty dirty girl).

However, just keep in mind that what is 'traditional' is changing everyday.

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I didn't read the whole review of the book because I got really tired imagining myself catering like that to my FH (physically tired... I feel like all of that would be so tiring ). From what I read, it sounds like it a 'How-to' book on becoming a Stepford wife.... no thanks.

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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

I think a lot of the reason I feel so strongly about this is very personal, but, I will share a tiny bit.

FH was in a horrible, unloving marriage. I know how much it hurt him, I have heard it from him, his friends, and his family.

So, I am willing to, and will go out of my way to ensure that we have a happy loving marriage. I will go out of my way to make him happy, and I expect those feelings to be reciprocated. I will do everything in my power to be the best wife and mother that I can be. And, by doing so, I expect that he will do the same to be the best husband he can be.

Our roles have already been decided, he will work, and I will stay home and raise our children. I am VERY FORTUNATE that we will be able to do so, and I will thank him every day for giving me that opportunity.

It may be a very old school way of thinking, but, it works for us. And, I know that that situation will not work for everyone.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AMGBride2008

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Posted by ant n tilde

i didnt read the review bc i want to read the book but i bookmarked it

but seriously i totally agree with everything she says ( on her show )

maybe its not RIGHT and maybe its not PC but thats the way it is in my house and thats the way it will be when i am with FH - we are very traditional and believe in the traditional (old school) roles. . .I believe all this PC bullcrap is leading to the downfall of society THERE I SAID IT!!! i dont like to talk about it often bc i have never really met someone who agrees with me LOL so i dont feel like getting flamed but that is how i feel - i am definitely an anti feminist.

but i will not say more until i have read it!

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Matilde, I respect where you're coming from and how you plan to 'do it' in your household with your FH when you're married (and no, I don't mean THAT 'do it' you dirty dirty girl).

However, just keep in mind that what is 'traditional' is changing everyday.

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great point!! i just refer to it as traditional. . . makes it easier KWIM?

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by hb123

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

It seems almost degrading to woman. I am the bread winner in my family, I have a great, interesting job that I enjoy and my FH doesnt mind it at all. He cooks dinner 5 nights a week (he gets home 2 hours before I do). We share in the cleaning. If I am tired, I am not going to have sex, I am going to go to bed.

We are EQUALS in our relationship. We should make each other happy, it shouldnt be one sided for me to make him happy and make sure all his needs are met. I have needs too.

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You're missing the point here. i'm not going to sit here and defend her. I'm just going to say, again, that her basic idea is that you are in control of your happiness, and, you need to make others happy in order to do so.

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But it seems like the book is all about making the MAN happy.......I dont agree with that. We are equals in our relationship....

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I'm gonna have to jump in here and agree with FutureMrsT. FH knows me and knows who I am, we've been together for 10 years. If he wants a housekeeper, cook and maid, he can hire one. I have a full time job and work hard. So does he. We share domestic responsibilities, why shouldn't we?

Bottom line is, each relationship is different and that is the business of those in the relationship. Just as my FH knows he's not marrying a housekeeper, I know that I am not marrying into a 'traditional' role. My happiness is as important as his.

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mentioned, to each their own. But I don't need Dr. Laura telling me how I should go about keeping my FH happy. He is responsible for his own happiness!

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i just have to say yes people are responsible for their happiness. but i dont ever want to be the one who is making FH unhappy and not want to be in the relationship anymore or doubting our relationship. And I think there are ways to make FH happy and make him realize he is happy being withyou. And I am not saying tha you have to cook and clean for them all the time. FH knows I cant cook for my life. But YES I will learn because I know FH will not only appreciate it but he will be happy I am happy that I learned to cook.

So althought we are responsibly for our own happiness at times. I think our happiness def has to go with also how others make us feel and what others do for us as well as what we do for others.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cookieling

By the way, I just wanted to say that this is the most fun I've had on LIW in a long time. This has been a very entertianing discussion and certainly at no one's expense.

I think we're all just bored at work today and this is a fun, friendly debate to pass the time.

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AMEN to that! This has helped me pass the very painful hours at work. A lively debate is always good, and I respect all of your opinions.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by kellybean

ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........

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Kelly i understand what you are saying - you are right - you are prob doing everything right.

the thing is with this book there are so many woman out there that say i ask my husband to do things - he doesnt - he says im nagging him - he doesnt help me around the house.. and they realize they are in a rut, they have gotten to the point where their husband comes home and its like oh yeah 'hi' , the excitemet of seeing him is lost, Dr. L's book kinda helps people see that, see how to get back on track - it may sound silly to run up to the door to greet him when he comes home - but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

I think a lot of the reason I feel so strongly about this is very personal, but, I will share a tiny bit.

FH was in a horrible, unloving marriage. I know how much it hurt him, I have heard it from him, his friends, and his family.

So, I am willing to, and will go out of my way to ensure that we have a happy loving marriage. I will go out of my way to make him happy, and I expect those feelings to be reciprocated. I will do everything in my power to be the best wife and mother that I can be. And, by doing so, I expect that he will do the same to be the best husband he can be.

Our roles have already been decided, he will work, and I will stay home and raise our children. I am VERY FORTUNATE that we will be able to do so, and I will thank him every day for giving me that opportunity.

It may be a very old school way of thinking, but, it works for us. And, I know that that situation will not work for everyone.

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i am very sorry that your FH had a terrible marriage before--but at least he found you

just make sure that when you are going out of your way to 'make up' for what he lacked before, that you don't forget about your needs and desires as well. make sure that he totally respects, and caters to YOU as well. a lot of Dr. Laura's advice is very one-sided---and that is something i think is wrong. marriage is about TWO ppl being the rocks for EACH OTHER.

i'm not saying that you have an unattentive FH -- i don't know you--but i'm just saying make sure your relationship is a two way street. it is not your responsiblity to have to 'make up' for what he lacked before--he has you NOW and that is what matters!!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cookieling

By the way, I just wanted to say that this is the most fun I've had on LIW in a long time. This has been a very entertianing discussion and certainly at no one's expense.

I think we're all just bored at work today and this is a fun, friendly debate to pass the time.

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totally! i love good debates! my morning has been quite boring at work.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by kellybean

ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........

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Kelly i understand what you are saying - you are right - you are prob doing everything right.

the thing is with this book there are so many woman out there that say i ask my husband to do things - he doesnt - he says im nagging him - he doesnt help me around the house.. and they realize they are in a rut, they have gotten to the point where their husband comes home and its like oh yeah 'hi' , the excitemet of seeing him is lost, Dr. L's book kinda helps people see that, see how to get back on track - it may sound silly to run up to the door to greet him when he comes home - but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)

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I personally know I can be an awful nag, so I appreciate the reminder to respect and praise FH more. Actually, I tend to follow advice for a different source when it comes to this: dog trainers! There was a great article in the NY Times and a great British show about how you can basically ‘train’ your husband if he’s not helpful. It’s based on the whole clicker method of dog training where you mark and reward a behavior, thereby shaping the behavior. It’s gotten FH to clean without grumbling sometimes! lol

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by kellybean

ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........

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Kelly i understand what you are saying - you are right - you are prob doing everything right.

the thing is with this book there are so many woman out there that say i ask my husband to do things - he doesnt - he says im nagging him - he doesnt help me around the house.. and they realize they are in a rut, they have gotten to the point where their husband comes home and its like oh yeah 'hi' , the excitemet of seeing him is lost, Dr. L's book kinda helps people see that, see how to get back on track - it may sound silly to run up to the door to greet him when he comes home - but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)

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Im not saying I dont think there is alot of work involved in making and keeping a happy marriage...Im divorced lol.....however....I feel its a two way street....you can not make someone happy with you,,,,,happiness comes from within.........

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Thank you. And no, it's not to make up for what his first marriage was lacking. It's more to ensure it doesn't happen again, if that makes sense.

We are very attentive to each others needs. And, by me going out of my way to thank him for what he does, in return, I get more of it from him. It's a win/win, for us.

.