Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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I think the time and effort you put into this is amazing...I may not agree with it...but what works for one is not always going to work for another.....I think it is a very large compliment to your FH that you are putting so much effort into making sure that you are both happy.......thats wonderful.....I dont think people are beating you down I just think people are different....'different strokes for different folks.'

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Don't get me wrong, this is not a tit for tat argument. if I am doing a load of laundry, I am most certainly going to wash FH dirty underwear. Keeping 'score' is teh WORST thing a couple can do, kind of reminds me of teh Everybody Loves Raymond where the luggage sits on the staircase for 2 weeks.....

Again, it's about sharing responsibilities, whatever they may be. If I did not have a job and was at home full time you could bet your bottom dollar that I would be responsible for most of the household chores, it's only fair. But that is not the case in my situation or that of most other women on this board. Most of us work full time and don't have time to 'greet our husbands at the door' each night with a freshly baked pie. It's just ridiculously unrealistic.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by kellybean

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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I think the time and effort you put into this is amazing...I may not agree with it...but what works for one is not always going to work for another.....I think it is a very large compliment to your FH that you are putting so much effort into making sure that you are both happy.......thats wonderful.....I dont think people are beating you down I just think people are different....'different strokes for different folks.'

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You're right. I guess just because I believe a lot of what she says, it's hard for me to differentiate between MY beliefs being beaten down, and HERS being beaten down, you know?

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Regardless of what the post says (which I think it comes down to this anyway) is I think ALL relationship advice - whether it be your fiance, husband, friend, mother, brother, waitress, garbage man, etc - comes down to the basest and very first piece of advice we probably all received.

The good old golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It's plain old reciprocity.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by kellybean

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

---

I think the time and effort you put into this is amazing...I may not agree with it...but what works for one is not always going to work for another.....I think it is a very large compliment to your FH that you are putting so much effort into making sure that you are both happy.......thats wonderful.....I dont think people are beating you down I just think people are different....'different strokes for different folks.'

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You're right. I guess just because I believe a lot of what she says, it's hard for me to differentiate between MY beliefs being beaten down, and HERS being beaten down, you know?

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i totally understand and agree with you!! that is why i usually dont talk about this stuff

we are always going to be the minority and it is going to be very easy for people to bash us simply bc there is more of them lol

like i always tell my family. . . i should have been born in the 40s

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

Regardless of what the post says (which I think it comes down to this anyway) is I think ALL relationship advice - whether it be your fiance, husband, friend, mother, brother, waitress, garbage man, etc - comes down to the basest and very first piece of advice we probably all received.

The good old golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It's plain old reciprocity.

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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by ant n tilde



like i always tell my family. . . i should have been born in the 40s

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lmao.... me too!!!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

While I was one of the first to disagree in this chat, I must say, I do appreciate your review and my comments were not directed towards you but rather Dr. L and her old school way of thinking.

All the burden should not be on a woman to make the relationship happy and work. If that relationship were to fail, that woman would feel like it were her fault, when in reality, it was both parties fault.

You should always feel like an equal in your relationship and never feel like you hol the burden of making all parties involved happy. That is a lot of pressure to put on one person.

Of course I do little things to make my FH happy. He does things for me too. But we do that not to get something in return. We do little things for each other because we want to, not because I want to train him to do nice things for me. That would be selfish and would take away from the nice thing that I am doing for him.

It is a rough topic that we are talking about and it something that people will always disagree on.

My mother did everything for my father, raised the children, cooked, cleaned, ran all errands, ironed his clothes, got his dry cleaning, etc.and worked a full time job and they got divorced after 30 years and he is remarried to someone who works and expects him to help out. So, it doesnt always work out.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by hb123

Don't get me wrong, this is not a tit for tat argument. if I am doing a load of laundry, I am most certainly going to wash FH dirty underwear. Keeping 'score' is teh WORST thing a couple can do, kind of reminds me of teh Everybody Loves Raymond where the luggage sits on the staircase for 2 weeks.....

Again, it's about sharing responsibilities, whatever they may be. If I did not have a job and was at home full time you could bet your bottom dollar that I would be responsible for most of the household chores, it's only fair. But that is not the case in my situation or that of most other women on this board. Most of us work full time and don't have time to 'greet our husbands at the door' each night with a freshly baked pie. It's just ridiculously unrealistic.

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oo i completely agree. one of my friends and her FH do that tit for tat thing and I am like how do you ever get along...its kinda sad...

but yes i agree it is def about sharing responsibilities. i dont want to feel like i am doing everything but nor should fh like you said. and yea i mean if i am a stay at home wife (haha yeah right i need to get my *** out of the house and do be active haha) but anyway if i was i would def be responsible for alot more than FH. And yea i undertand on this board there are alot of us who are working as well as fh working. but things change with time and with kids in the pics...which i dont find anything wrong iwth working while having children or being a stay at home mom. both are just as important. but yes i know i wont be at the door with a pie in hands haha that is unrealistic i agree...but a kiss isnt

i mean i dont live with fh but i go to school full time and work full time and completely understand where you are coming from- i am not saying anything bad in that regards!!

.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by hb123

Don't get me wrong, this is not a tit for tat argument. if I am doing a load of laundry, I am most certainly going to wash FH dirty underwear. Keeping 'score' is teh WORST thing a couple can do, kind of reminds me of teh Everybody Loves Raymond where the luggage sits on the staircase for 2 weeks.....

Again, it's about sharing responsibilities, whatever they may be. If I did not have a job and was at home full time you could bet your bottom dollar that I would be responsible for most of the household chores, it's only fair. But that is not the case in my situation or that of most other women on this board. Most of us work full time and don't have time to 'greet our husbands at the door' each night with a freshly baked pie. It's just ridiculously unrealistic.

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oo i completely agree. one of my friends and her FH do that tit for tat thing and I am like how do you ever get along...its kinda sad...

but yes i agree it is def about sharing responsibilities. i dont want to feel like i am doing everything but nor should fh like you said. and yea i mean if i am a stay at home wife (haha yeah right i need to get my *** out of the house and do be active haha) but anyway if i was i would def be responsible for alot more than FH. And yea i undertand on this board there are alot of us who are working as well as fh working. but things change with time and with kids in the pics...which i dont find anything wrong iwth working while having children or being a stay at home mom. both are just as important. but yes i know i wont be at the door with a pie in hands haha that is unrealistic i agree...but a kiss isnt

i mean i dont live with fh but i go to school full time and work full time and completely understand where you are coming from- i am not saying anything bad in that regards!!

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Very well said!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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i think everyone appreciates your effort - dont take it personally. This is a topic women feel VERY strongly about on both sides!

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Yeah, I know, maybe I'm just feeling that way because by these reactions, it's clear who read it, and it's clear who is jumping on the bandwagon!

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so If we do not agree with what she is saying, then we are 'jumping on the bandwagon?'

that is interesting

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by megzzie

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by hb123

Don't get me wrong, this is not a tit for tat argument. if I am doing a load of laundry, I am most certainly going to wash FH dirty underwear. Keeping 'score' is teh WORST thing a couple can do, kind of reminds me of teh Everybody Loves Raymond where the luggage sits on the staircase for 2 weeks.....

Again, it's about sharing responsibilities, whatever they may be. If I did not have a job and was at home full time you could bet your bottom dollar that I would be responsible for most of the household chores, it's only fair. But that is not the case in my situation or that of most other women on this board. Most of us work full time and don't have time to 'greet our husbands at the door' each night with a freshly baked pie. It's just ridiculously unrealistic.

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oo i completely agree. one of my friends and her FH do that tit for tat thing and I am like how do you ever get along...its kinda sad...

but yes i agree it is def about sharing responsibilities. i dont want to feel like i am doing everything but nor should fh like you said. and yea i mean if i am a stay at home wife (haha yeah right i need to get my *** out of the house and do be active haha) but anyway if i was i would def be responsible for alot more than FH. And yea i undertand on this board there are alot of us who are working as well as fh working. but things change with time and with kids in the pics...which i dont find anything wrong iwth working while having children or being a stay at home mom. both are just as important. but yes i know i wont be at the door with a pie in hands haha that is unrealistic i agree...but a kiss isnt

i mean i dont live with fh but i go to school full time and work full time and completely understand where you are coming from- i am not saying anything bad in that regards!!

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Very well said!

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thanks meg and i agree with you about the whole magazine thing and stuff...i feel they are stupid haha

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

When Dr. L writes 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like'

Isnt that what she is writing about???? Its sort hypocritical (sp?).

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AMGBride2008

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Posted by HearzBellz

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I think that it is dangerous to tell people that 'methods' like this can equate to a happy marriage or save a marriage. That is all I meant. If I pulled this Donna Reed crap, Dh would get really bored once the novelty wore off.

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I agree with you. I feel like it would lead to one-sided happiness... the DH basically has the DW do everything for him... how is the DW taken care of other than being 'protected'? I know I don't have to scurry to the kitchen to fetch my FH a beer in order for him to protect me when need be.

I just think, in the wrong hands, the 'advice' in this book can be very misleading.

ETA: I don't think people are jumping down your throat Amanda... I just think that you brought up a very controversial topic that has many people stating their very different opinions... not only different from your's and what stated in the book, but from each other. Kudos for engaging us all in a discussion that's a little more stimulating than crinolin slips and invitations.

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i agree with kim
it is very controversial and i dont think people are necessarily jumping on the bandwagon
many people have listened to and heard of Dr. L before so although she may be new to you and / or others; i an quite familiar with her points of view

I think it also matters where people are in there lives, as kim stated 'if it ends up in the wrong hands'

Getting married 'later in life' as i call it, i am very set in my ways, have worked VERY hard for my career and although i would love to be able to afford not to work ; that simply is not feasible in today's society or in the life i wish to lead

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

omg .. can i just say ... i LOVE this book

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

When Dr. L writes 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like'

Isnt that what she is writing about???? Its sort hypocritical (sp?).

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She didn't say that... one of her listeners did.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

When Dr. L writes 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like'

Isnt that what she is writing about???? Its sort hypocritical (sp?).

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um not sure if i am right in saying this but i think what she means is books and magazines that tell us how our husband should be...meanwhile she is helping those who take her advice to apprecaite their husbands for who they are and know thta they have different emotions and dont necessarly understand how we feel...and also that when we want respect we should give it as well..idk thats kinda what i got from it she isnt really telling us how a husband should be...

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

When Dr. L writes 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like'

Isnt that what she is writing about???? Its sort hypocritical (sp?).

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um not sure if i am right in saying this but i think what she means is books and magazines that tell us how our husband should be...meanwhile she is helping those who take her advice to apprecaite their husbands for who they are and know thta they have different emotions and dont necessarly understand how we feel...and also that when we want respect we should give it as well..idk thats kinda what i got from it she isnt really telling us how a husband should be...

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You are right that she is not telling us what husbands should be....she is telling us what we should be as wives...which is just as bad.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

I like to read.