Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

I just wanted to add one more thing:

I think my dad said it best when he told FH this when FH asked if he could have my hand in marriage. Oh and my dad likes to preach haha so he definitely had FH sitting there for a while when he just simply wanted a yes or no

My dad said 'Marriage is not 50% 50% or even 100% 100% all the time. It is being there for your significant other 110% ALL the time. Because there is definitely going to be times when one cannot find themselves giving 100% whether it be due to a family emergency or a child being born and being tired or being sick or just having a bad day. Therefore when you commit to a marriage you have to make sure you can commit 110% because I garuantee there are going to be those rough times where you or Catie can't give it your all and you are going to be there for her or visa versa to give you that extra % that you need to make it through.'

And with that I take it as my dad meant that we have to be on the same level with each other but not all the time because we know that we will be there for Fh when he needs us but we also know that htey will be there for us when we need them giving their all when we cant. And I dont think there is anything wrong with that because why not give to the one you love

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by KitWisdom

It’s based on the whole clicker method of dog training where you mark and reward a behavior, thereby shaping the behavior. It’s gotten FH to clean without grumbling sometimes! lol

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haha

but how is that different.. we are rewarding our men with love and affection to shape the behavior.. i see it as pretty much the same

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

Thank you. And no, it's not to make up for what his first marriage was lacking. It's more to ensure it doesn't happen again, if that makes sense.

We are very attentive to each others needs. And, by me going out of my way to thank him for what he does, in return, I get more of it from him. It's a win/win, for us.

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Then that is great---that's what matters more than anything.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

wow how very Stepford of her

1- no relationship I know of survives or fails b/c 'the wife' does not put on her makeup to greet her DH at the door.

2- My DH married me knowing and loving that I am a driven independent woman, and that I would do anything to make sure that he is not burdened solely with all financial responsibilities.

3- STAYING HOME WITH THE KIDS IS JUST AS HARD AS WORKING A 9 - 5 JOB! Trust me, I have done both. Especially in the very beginning of your DC life, they take ALL of your attention. NOTHING gets done around the house. I can only cook, clean or do laundry when DH is home, and forget about sleep.

And how degrading is this to men to think that all they respond to is 'tricks' to 'keep' him happy? If I were a man I'd be insulted by this. It sounds almost like the books that teach you how to train a dog.....

I am sorry but to pigeonhole marriage and a woman's role like this is not only degrading but unreasonable as well. It makes us out to be these lifeless cleaning & sex robots. Do you honestly think that our DHs would love to be in a relationship with such a shadow of a person? Everyone needs to find their own groove. If this works for you, then great, but to think that it is the 'formula' for marriage success is just dangerous.

I think if you take some of the advice with a grain of salt, and see the underlying message that she is trying to get across, then maybe she is onto something, but I really feel that marriage is a partnership on an intellectual, emotional and physical level. It is not just you work so I clean.


Sorry, JMHO.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cookieling

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Posted by jgl

but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)

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That's just it... to my knowledge, at no point does Dr. Laura mention that a husband should make efforts to properly feed his wife. It's completely one-sided. In fact, Dr. Laura's point is that you (the female) have to make the efforts first in order to receive anything back.

I admit that I haven't read the book, but I have listened to her radio show many, many times until I just couldn't stand her advice anymore.

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she does.. she is saying that if we make that effort - then something is going to click and your FH is going to do it as well.. it is 2 sided! I think its just harder to sit down and have a converstation about that and to make sense.. but if you do it through actions thats better than words.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by hb123

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

It seems almost degrading to woman. I am the bread winner in my family, I have a great, interesting job that I enjoy and my FH doesnt mind it at all. He cooks dinner 5 nights a week (he gets home 2 hours before I do). We share in the cleaning. If I am tired, I am not going to have sex, I am going to go to bed.

We are EQUALS in our relationship. We should make each other happy, it shouldnt be one sided for me to make him happy and make sure all his needs are met. I have needs too.

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You're missing the point here. i'm not going to sit here and defend her. I'm just going to say, again, that her basic idea is that you are in control of your happiness, and, you need to make others happy in order to do so.

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But it seems like the book is all about making the MAN happy.......I dont agree with that. We are equals in our relationship....

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I'm gonna have to jump in here and agree with FutureMrsT. FH knows me and knows who I am, we've been together for 10 years. If he wants a housekeeper, cook and maid, he can hire one. I have a full time job and work hard. So does he. We share domestic responsibilities, why shouldn't we?

Bottom line is, each relationship is different and that is the business of those in the relationship. Just as my FH knows he's not marrying a housekeeper, I know that I am not marrying into a 'traditional' role. My happiness is as important as his.

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mentioned, to each their own. But I don't need Dr. Laura telling me how I should go about keeping my FH happy. He is responsible for his own happiness!

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i just have to say yes people are responsible for their happiness. but i dont ever want to be the one who is making FH unhappy and not want to be in the relationship anymore or doubting our relationship. And I think there are ways to make FH happy and make him realize he is happy being withyou. And I am not saying tha you have to cook and clean for them all the time. FH knows I cant cook for my life. But YES I will learn because I know FH will not only appreciate it but he will be happy I am happy that I learned to cook.

So althought we are responsibly for our own happiness at times. I think our happiness def has to go with also how others make us feel and what others do for us as well as what we do for others.

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Well, I guess if FH is going to be 'unhappy' because I didn't wash his underwear for him, then that's his problem. Again, there are no surprises in our relationship. He appreciates my independence and financial contribution to the relationship, I appreciate his openmindedness and contribution to the household. It works for us....

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

I agree I dont think it should be 'you work so I clean'

but in today's society (sorry dont mean to offend anyone) I just see it as it's soo easy to get lost in why you marrid the person you are with and why you fell in love with them in the first place- and just divorced. I mean come on the divorce rate is soo high right now. And not saying everyone that gets divorced is wrong in doing so. I believe there are many reasons divorce is for the better. But I do find it an easy gateway to a bumpy road. I know I want FH to be happy. And if there is a bumpy road ahead of us during some part of our marriage. I will do whatever it takes to maek sure it works and that BOTH FH and I are happy. And I also feel when I am happy FH is happy and when FH is happy I am happy (not all the time) but come on who is happy al the time.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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i think everyone appreciates your effort - dont take it personally. This is a topic women feel VERY strongly about on both sides!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I think that it is dangerous to tell people that 'methods' like this can equate to a happy marriage or save a marriage. That is all I meant. If I pulled this Donna Reed crap, Dh would get really bored once the novelty wore off.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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i think everyone appreciates your effort - dont take it personally. This is a topic women feel VERY strongly about on both sides!

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Yeah, I know, maybe I'm just feeling that way because by these reactions, it's clear who read it, and it's clear who is jumping on the bandwagon!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by hb123

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by hb123

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

It seems almost degrading to woman. I am the bread winner in my family, I have a great, interesting job that I enjoy and my FH doesnt mind it at all. He cooks dinner 5 nights a week (he gets home 2 hours before I do). We share in the cleaning. If I am tired, I am not going to have sex, I am going to go to bed.

We are EQUALS in our relationship. We should make each other happy, it shouldnt be one sided for me to make him happy and make sure all his needs are met. I have needs too.

---

You're missing the point here. i'm not going to sit here and defend her. I'm just going to say, again, that her basic idea is that you are in control of your happiness, and, you need to make others happy in order to do so.

---

But it seems like the book is all about making the MAN happy.......I dont agree with that. We are equals in our relationship....

---

I'm gonna have to jump in here and agree with FutureMrsT. FH knows me and knows who I am, we've been together for 10 years. If he wants a housekeeper, cook and maid, he can hire one. I have a full time job and work hard. So does he. We share domestic responsibilities, why shouldn't we?

Bottom line is, each relationship is different and that is the business of those in the relationship. Just as my FH knows he's not marrying a housekeeper, I know that I am not marrying into a 'traditional' role. My happiness is as important as his.

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mentioned, to each their own. But I don't need Dr. Laura telling me how I should go about keeping my FH happy. He is responsible for his own happiness!

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i just have to say yes people are responsible for their happiness. but i dont ever want to be the one who is making FH unhappy and not want to be in the relationship anymore or doubting our relationship. And I think there are ways to make FH happy and make him realize he is happy being withyou. And I am not saying tha you have to cook and clean for them all the time. FH knows I cant cook for my life. But YES I will learn because I know FH will not only appreciate it but he will be happy I am happy that I learned to cook.

So althought we are responsibly for our own happiness at times. I think our happiness def has to go with also how others make us feel and what others do for us as well as what we do for others.

---

Well, I guess if FH is going to be 'unhappy' because I didn't wash his underwear for him, then that's his problem. Again, there are no surprises in our relationship. He appreciates my independence and financial contribution to the relationship, I appreciate his openmindedness and contribution to the household. It works for us....

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oh i agree if FH isnt happy because i didnt wash his underwear for him that is just too bad haha but i take it as if i am doing my laundry and see his dirty laundry sitting there instead of naggin him about it since i am already there why not just throw it into the washermachine.

and i give you such praise that you and your FH apprecaite what oyu do for each other and what you are like as a person. that makes me feel good because i know fh appreciates me as a person adn i feel the same way about him. i think that is what i meant about it. That if i know he is unhappy about me not working and I HAVE NO KIDS but i cant simply do a load of laundry while home all day and he is at work busting his @$$ I see why he would be unhappy and i would work on that with him!!!

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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i definitely appreciated your review amanda.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by HearzBellz

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I think that it is dangerous to tell people that 'methods' like this can equate to a happy marriage or save a marriage. That is all I meant. If I pulled this Donna Reed crap, Dh would get really bored once the novelty wore off.

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I agree with you. I feel like it would lead to one-sided happiness... the DH basically has the DW do everything for him... how is the DW taken care of other than being 'protected'? I know I don't have to scurry to the kitchen to fetch my FH a beer in order for him to protect me when need be.

I just think, in the wrong hands, the 'advice' in this book can be very misleading.

ETA: I don't think people are jumping down your throat Amanda... I just think that you brought up a very controversial topic that has many people stating their very different opinions... not only different from your's and what stated in the book, but from each other. Kudos for engaging us all in a discussion that's a little more stimulating than crinolin slips and invitations.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by megzzie

Wow what a great and detailed review - thanks for sharing!

I think this part is so true - 'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.'

So many people do this and it causes so many fights - I've seen it happen between couples!

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Thank YOU. It took me an hour to type this up, to just have it beaten down! I appreciate you saying that. Everyone is so quick to jump down my throat!!!

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i think everyone appreciates your effort - dont take it personally. This is a topic women feel VERY strongly about on both sides!

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Yeah, I know, maybe I'm just feeling that way because by these reactions, it's clear who read it, and it's clear who is jumping on the bandwagon!

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Yeah, to be fair, I don’t think the debate is so much about your review (which I feel everyone can agree that it was very well-written and gave a really good idea of the book) but more so Dr. L herself and the kind of philosophy she often espouses.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

i must say i think we are all applying this book right now on each other and throughout this post haha.

i mean we are all repsecting each others feelings and we understand we dont all have the same emotions regarding a certain topic. and with receving respect from each other this thread isnt turning into a drama mania haha

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

AND I QUOTE...

'Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like.'

This is the only one statement from this book that I found to be useful and will be obiding by avoiding this book! Sorry but my relationship with FH is 50/50, we help each other with everything. This sounds like the class that used to be taught in school during home economics during the 50's 60's that I heard about where you 'learned' how to be a wife.

This is just my opinion so if anyone has a different opinion I totally value it but I just don't believe in the same things so it's not to put down anyone who believes differently.

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

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Posted by AMGBride2008

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Posted by HearzBellz

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I think that it is dangerous to tell people that 'methods' like this can equate to a happy marriage or save a marriage. That is all I meant. If I pulled this Donna Reed crap, Dh would get really bored once the novelty wore off.

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I agree with you. I feel like it would lead to one-sided happiness... the DH basically has the DW do everything for him... how is the DW taken care of other than being 'protected'? I know I don't have to scurry to the kitchen to fetch my FH a beer in order for him to protect me when need be.

I just think, in the wrong hands, the 'advice' in this book can be very misleading.

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yea i guess it depends on who reads the book and what the walk away with after reading it...because i guess i took it with a grain of salt and thats hwy i dont agree with everything but do agree with some of it. i want to be respected so i will respect Fh. if he is working long hours and i was not doing anything all day or came home from work ebfore he did hey why not I am going to make him dinner. to show him i appreciate what he does for OUR HOUSEHOLD. But no I am not going to fetch him a beer because he protects my household because he is a guy.

i guess it is just how you take the info and what you apply it to and how oyu apply it....