Ready, Set, Wed: What You Need To Know BEFORE You Tie the Knot
Oct 17, 2018 12:11 PM Back
Call it human nature, call it divine design, but truth be told, we all long for companionship and people to share our life with, and that’s the basis and foundation for forming friendship. Well, love is not much different…as most of us also want to find that special someone to share life’s journey with.

But, “Happily Ever After” doesn’t just “magically” happen. It takes time, compromise, some work and understanding what this critical commitment you’re embarking on really means.
Marriage is more than just warm and fuzzy feelings we often associate with love, but in reality have more to do with attraction, infatuation and lust.

Love is something we choose to do and show (many times even toward strangers or people we don’t necessarily like), so, those “in love” feelings should never solely be the foundation of your forever mores.

Why Are You Walking Down The Aisle? Do you feel it’s time (to tie the knot) either because you’ve been dating for a while or because of social pressures or the “rush” to start and raise a family?  While all these ARE valid and validatable concerns, they should never be the reason you put a ring on it.

If marriage feels like it’s the expected thing to do, you may want to jot down the reasons behind your decision to take “the plunge”. Start by listing the pros and cons of your partner and your relationship and how you (both) feel marriage and a forever commitment will enhance your lives for the better. If you have to talk yourself or your mate into taking the next step, you may want to seriously reconsider. Marriage and a lifelong commitment is NOT something you or your beloved should feel pressured into doing.  It is something you both want and feel excited about as you take your relationship and your commitment to the next logical level. Also, if you’ve been dating for several years and are looking forward to a long engagement, ask yourselves why? What has been keeping you from moving forward all this time, and why are you looking to prolong it even more? Get to the bottom of what’s been holding you back, even if it’s just the fear of knowing that escaping (once you sign on the dotted line) won’t be that easy, address the issue or listen to heart and what it might be trying to tell you….just make sure it’s not simply cold feet.

Party or Partner for Life? Have you always envisioned yourself as someone’s spouse or is it the celebration that you’re craving. If you’re putting more time into planning “THE PARTY” than you are looking into the future and planning out your lives as a married and unified couple, you may want to think twice before you say yes to becoming someone’s husband or wife. Parties (though the memories may last forever) only last a few hours and once the honeymoon is over, the honeymoon is literally over and real live begins. Nothing changes except that now your daily routine involves not just one but two and that means you’ll have more (not less) to do. Your new role will require you to embrace each other, the good, the bad and the ugly, each other’s friends, family, drama and so on. There will also be more cleaning, cooking, laundry and life obligations with fewer and fewer romantic weekends with more time spent doing things you HAVE to do and less things you want and like to do, especially once the kids come along.  Remember you wedding day is just that one day. Marriage on the other hand is a lifetime commitment and that means you have to be 100% ready for all the challenges it will bring your way and ready, willing and able to talk things out and work things out if you want love to last. You may even want to take the time to discuss all the deal breakers BEFORE the big day. Talk about family, kids, aging parents, careers, moving, religion, holidays (and how you plan to celebrate), vacations, staycations, etc. and work it out before walking down the aisle and ultimately walking out on your commitment.

Why Is He Or She “The One”? Is your partner a comfortable fit (because you’re high school sweethearts) and let’s face it “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”. And, would you feel the same way if you met your mate today?  Sure you want to find you soon to be spouse attractive, but that extends well beyond the physical….so, do you find your beloved attractive on every level, and not just the superficial? Ask yourself these questions before you question your decision in the future. Sure, we all change, and looks (do usually) fade, but hopefully, two people can change for the better because of each other and grow together despite their differences. If you don’t necessarily care for your partner’s characteristics (even if you’re used to them and have learned to work around them) and you don’t like the way he or she was raised or the foundation of his or parent’s union. Do they or did they have a healthy relationship (even if they are no longer together). Was there love and respect in your future Mr. or Mrs. Household? Was your potential forever partner raised with the same (or similar) values, morals, mores, customs, etc? All this may seem trivial, but rest assured it’s all quite important as it has shaped each of you, your wants, dreams, desires and expectations. Remember, children, even adult children live what they saw and learned so make sure your both on the same page and where you’re not there is willingness to compromise and change.

Have You Both Been Open And Honest: Sure you may think that after so many years of dating or living together you know one another, but although no one can really explain it and there is no real good reason for it, the piece of paper does have some power. We all tend to be on our best behavior before the “I Dos”, but once the deal is sealed, more often than not we let our true colors shine through. Do you think your betrothed had been completely honest with you and have you done the same? Have you discussed the important stuff (see above) or have you glossed over them for fear of turning your true love off? If not, it’s probably time to have “the talk”. Discuss your expectations from marriage and from each other and how you plan on working out disagreements. See how well you can handle just talking about these issues before they become real issues and if the arguments already are getting “too hot to handle”, you may want to get a handle on your relationship before taking such a big step. Also, ask yourself what your relationship will ask you to risk. All new ventures are risky, but are the risks worth it. If you feel that you’re going to have to give up on who you really are and what you really want and expect than you may want to rethink your designs to commit to becoming a groom or a bride

 
Ready, Set, Wed: What You Need To Know BEFORE You Tie the Knot
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