Twice As Nice: Trends and Traditions For Today’s Encore Couple

May 26, 2016 06:38 PM Back

Truth be told…my grandmother on my mother’s side wed at 14 and my dad’s mom, being a little less “rebellious” and more traditional tied the knot at the ripe “old” age of 18…Both men in their late teens, very early 20s….and both couples stayed together (in fulfillment of their vows) until the end. But, today, tying the knot twice or even thrice is no longer taboo…and even the most traditional among us (unlike our “ancestors” and predecessors) can claim one or two failed relationships….and, let’s face it (though perhaps not planned or ideal) sometimes it takes more than just one try to get it right. Regardless of your situation encore weddings are just as special as those walking down the aisle for the very first time…and for the bride and groom (and their families) they are every bit as exciting. However, there may be some special considerations to consider. Among these:

Children from a previous union: Even if your kids are adults or verging on adulthood, chances are they may not be “thrilled” to see mom or dad walking down the aisle with someone else. And, when it comes to younger kids, while they may be more resilient, they may not be so understanding. So, make sure your kids know and preferably like and get along with your mate….and it’s probably best your discuss your intentions and plans with them first. It’s also a good idea to get them involved in the planning process and in the celebration. If they don’t have much of a say in whether or not you tie the knot, they SHOULD have a say in the ceremony and celebration so they still feel like they are still the priority in your life.
Invitation Etiquette: Since it’s not likely that your parents will be giving you away this time around, especially if you have children (though there is NOTHING wrong with that, or with making them an integral part of the festivities), it’s a good idea to word your invitations wisely. Consider something like: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. Joe Smith along with their families (include list of your children [first] and parents [second] respectfully request your presence at the celebration of their union or blending of their respective lives and families…etc.
Showers of Sophistication: While there’s nothing wrong with having another shower, it’s obvious this one WILL be different. Remember, it’s likely you had less last time, especially if you were moving out of your parents’ home into your own abode. This time you probably already have many of your essentials and hopefully are past partying until all hours of the night. Think about going somewhere special with your respective families and your besties. Think about a long weekend away with kids, parents and some “new” close friends…or hosting a special dinner at your new digs. In this case a less is more approach is advised.
Making Your Guest List and Checking It Twice: Even if you’re still close with members of your exes family and entourage, it may be best to check with your new mate before putting them on your invite list….and exes are a definite “NO-NO”. Experts suggest keeping your guest list simple, even for a lavish affair.
Best Dressed Bride and Groom: While your options are endless and while tuxes NEVER (really) go out of style, it’s best that your wedding style reflect a little less pomp and circumstance. Think classic couture with either a streamlined silhouette even if it’s A-line (for the proverbial Princess Bride) and for your guy, opt out of a colorful cummerbund, and think tie and tails or a classic fit suit instead.
Gifting Traditions: While it’s not quite appropriate to tell guests not to present you with a present, it’s also best to keep things in proper perspective. Remember, some, or many of those on you guest list (especially family members) most likely were generous with their presents the first time around…and are not obliged to indulge you with presents for your encore nuptials. You can simply say “your presence is gift enough to both of us” (on your invites) or simply pass along your intentions “old-school” style, via word of mouth.