So…..he put a ring on it and now you’re getting ready to ring in “Happily Ever After”. But, before planning your BIG soiree, you should start planning the rest of your lives. Why? Well, because one the four or five hours of festivities come to an end and once the honeymoon is (literally and figuratively) over, real live will resume and so will your new lives as husband and wife. And, back to work won’t only apply to the office, it will apply to you (potentially new) daily routine, so, it’s best to be prepared.

1. Think about living arrangements: Do you want a “large” home or are you more of a loft kind of lady? Does he feel the same way? And, how do you plan on keeping your home. Are you the kind of gal who believes” there’s a home for everything and everything has a home”, or are you more of a “free spirit” when it comes to clutter, congestion, etc. Perhaps it’s a good idea to take a homemaking class BEFORE the wedding and uncover about yourself and each other things you can live with, things you can’t and how you can compromise to make your house a home.
2. Family Matters: How well do you get along with each other’s friends and family? This is a BIGGIE, because, like it or not they WILL be part of your life, even if you choose NOT to directly involve yourself or associate. Discuss how you will handle his nights out with the boys or her nights out with the gals. Are you a traditionalist, who still looks forward to Sunday dinner at grandma’s? Are you the type who loves the “hype” and circumstance of planning a Superbowl soiree? Discuss entertaining, how important it is to each of you and what holidays you as a new household will be responsible for. Also discuss how you plan on splitting up the holidays between both sides and what is acceptable to you as far as how each of your families approaches birthdays, holidays, etc., and what is and is NOT acceptable and to each of your expectations and standards. Be open and honest and call it as you see it and be direct with each of your families before the big day. Also ask friends and family members who you admire (when it comes to how they have handled their marriage) for their input and advice. Most importantly make sure you experience these situations beforehand. You don’t want to tie the knot and find out that his side just is NOT going to live up to your expectations. And, don’t forget to discuss how you will handle such “crisis” because they eventually “will” happen.
3. Child’s Play: Discuss kids…how many and how you will raise them. Perhaps even take a parenting class just to see what you may be in for. Let your soon-to-be spouse know how you feel about being a stay-at-home parent; how you feel about day care and school; and how you feel about grandparents participating in raising your children. I grew up in a generation where grandparents were just as instrumental as mom and dad in overseeing “us” kids….and we ALL grew up very close…both because we lived near each other and because we associated with each other A LOT. In fact, our cousins were our first line of friends and family came first. So, before you start your family… familiarize yourself with how you see YOUR family setup and be honest about your respective backgrounds, what you would do the same and what you would do differently.
4. Living The Dream: Let your betrothed know what dreams YOU have. Is your career at the top of the charts or is starting a family and how likely is that to change and to what degree. Make sure you each fully understand what each of you wants and expects not only from each other but from life in general. It’s EXTREMELY important that you are both, for the most part, on the same page and that you both want similar things out of live. Remember, while you both may want a “career” it’s important to establish what that means and what that constitutes. And, the same goes for family. While you may be okay with having one, you NEED to define what that actually means, one child, two, or nineteen and counting? Be honest with each other about your hopes, dreams, desires and what YOUR plan entails…then discuss how you will make this work as a couple and as a unit.
5. Money Matters: Sure, once the vows are exchanged the two of you are united as ONE…but as the old “joke” goes, the question remains which one. It’s important that each of you understands and appreciates what the other has to offer and bring to the relationship, not only emotionally but financially to avoid any animosity. You should know if you are going to merge your assets and work on things as a team or if each of you will retain (some) autonomy, at least of things you owned prior to your “I Dos” and then work on your future as ONE.
6. Table Talk: Believe it or not….mealtime can be a MAJOR issue in some households. In fact, MY generation of men, even the easiest going ones expected their wives KNEW how to cook and most wanted someone who enjoyed it and was good at it. Talk to your soon-to-be spouse about mealtime expectations. Are cans and prepackaged foods ON or OFF the menu? Do you like, want or expect to dine together (and as a family) every night or are you more of a catch as catch can kind of couple? How often do you expect to eat out….and what is your idea of comestible cuisine…are you okay with pizza or do you (still) expect to be wined and dined after the “I Dos” and how often.
7. Pillow Talk: Last, but certainly not least, you should discuss how you’ll be able to keep your love alive. Marriage is WORK…HARD WORK and just like your job, it requires you to be fully present when you “punch in”. Define what love and marriage means to you. Is it all about the pomp and circumstance and the unadulterated romance or can you see past the p & c (pomp and circumstance) and come to a consensus that  “I Love You” doesn’t have to be spoken or shown via elaborate actions…but rather via small sentiments like letting your mate watch the movie of his or her choice,  asking about your mate’s day and putting up with little things that you otherwise WOUNLDN’T put up with or overlook. Know beforehand who each of you is marrying, and what you are getting into…it WILL make your marriage MUCH easier.