The Art and Soul of Matrimony: Making Your Marriage Work

Aug 16, 2016 08:25 PM Back

So, you’re going to take that ceremonious stroll down the aisle and besides wondering what to wear and what to serve; you’re probably wondering how you’re going to keep the magic happening AFTER the “I Dos”. Well, though there is no magic potion for a happy and healthy marriage, there are ways, short of throwing salt over your shoulder, or knocking on wood, to make sure your marriage is success and a journey into the land of “Happily Ever After”. Learn About Yourself: Are you really in love or just in love with the idea of being in love. Remember, the wedding is FUN…but marriage is work…hard work. Consider how will you do with compromise and what will you have to compromise to be in this relationship to make it worth it and to make it work. Can you live with his family and friends and how they do things. Is he or she willing to meet you half way….or will this eat away at you and ultimately tear you about. Define YOUR likes, dislikes, wants, dreams and desires and how YOU plan on getting there with or without someone special by you side and then think about how marriage may hinder or help you achieve these goals. Love The One Your With: Remember NO ONE is perfect and neither is “The One” you picked. He or she WILL make mistakes….just make sure (beforehand) they are mistakes you can LIVE with. Think about what made you fall in love with him or her in the first place (before you got engaged) as well as all those little annoyances (including about respective friends and family) and ask yourself if and how you feel about fitting into this lifestyle and schematic permanently. If the pros outweigh the cons…move forward…but if the opposite is true, have a serious conversation beforehand to discuss your differences and how you will deal with them or will they eventually become deal breakers. Find Common Ground: Keep in mind that simply by virtue of your different personality and sexes…different things will have different value and importance for each of you. Your idea of a clean home may be totally different from his…and his idea of a fun night out will no doubt be different than yours. Understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses and always “have each other’s back”. Basically don’t sweat the small stuff because it doesn’t take much for a mountain to become a mole hill compromising your relationship and/or you happiness. Grow Up and Behave Like An Adult: Remember, CHILDREN throw tantrums. Even in the most annoying of times, be responsible for yourself, YOUR actions and for YOUR behavior. Whether or not you have or want children, behave in a manner that would create an environment suitable for children and that would positively shape and mold a youngster for happiness and success. Express yourself in a polite, mature manner WITHOUT yelling, screaming or profanity. Try to maintain a loving tone and attitude even when you vehemently disagree and if you have NOTHING nice to say, choose to say it later or say nothing at all. Talk To….NOT At Each Other: Remember, people change…and so will you and your partner…and not always in the same direction. Keep communication not only calm but also open. You may even want to discuss where you see your life path(s) going before going to the chapel. Do you both want kids, how do you want to raise them? What about moving? What type of home do you envision living in? How do you anticipate handling parents as they age, etc. Takes notes (for future reference) and always revisit topics of contention or conversation. Also, make sure you consult with your mate before making major decisions. Remember, moving cross country for a better job may be adventurous and exciting to you but not so much for the other member or members of your family. Maintain An Attitude of Gratitude: Despite obstacles (provided they are not major deal breakers) remember why you united in the first place. Keep the romance alive by setting aside time to joke, have a date night, have a cozy evening of movies and cappuccino, etc. And, don’t forget to be thankful for that special someone in your space and in your life, celebrate not only the major moments but the little things…and grow together rather than apart by initiating intimacy and letting your partner know that you still find him or her engaging and attractive. Give Each Other Space: Remember the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” Let your mate miss you. Give him or her space to go out with the gals or guys, or simply to do his or her own thing.