Friends and Family as Officiant
Jun 25, 2013 02:34 PM Back
By Church of Ancient Ways
For a while now I have been wanting to write something not on the legality of having a friend marry you... on that you will get as many different answers as there are town clerks on this question. I wanted to write about whether it is a good idea. Of course this will depend on who you choose. Levels of experience are less of a problem if you are leaning towards something that is a simple exchange of vows. But for a little more than that what are the things you will want to consider?
When I get a call for a last minute wedding it is usually a friend or family member who has gotten cold feet and decided that they can't perform the ceremony.
When a couple knows they wish to include something in their ceremony a professional will offer multiple suggestions on how this can be done. Together with the couple the best way to suit them is then chosen.
Think about when you have gone to a wedding that included readings.
Were the people who have done readings engaging?
Did you enjoy their reading?
While a reading is just a small percentage of the ceremony, when you have a friend or family member officiate this is the degree of public speaking ability that you have from start to finish. Do you have someone with depth and warmth to their tone and inflection? Can they make eye contact and stay relaxed if things do not go just as planned?
Time frames and the needs of the other vendors are something a professional understands. In a structured venue the ceremony space is usually rented for a half hour. How long should the officiant actually talk for, in order to leave a little buffer time in case someone important is running late? How big is the bridal party and how long will it take to get them down the aisle? Incorporating cultural elements, or smaller ceremonies into a comfortable time frame is a little tricky, but not impossible. Temperature is another consideration when discussing ceremony length. Most people dream of being outdoors and rightly so. But how long is too long at noon in August or on a November evening at Five o'clock?
When you are weighing emotional closeness and practical elements, all the above are the things you want to consider.
Now, why would you want a nonprofessional to marry you? Let's face it, the officiant is cheaper than chair covers. So it's not to save a few dollars... You want to have a friend or family member marry you because they LOVE you.
Think of the person you are asking. Put all your pros and cons on the scales. And make the decision that is right for you as a couple.
When I get a call for a last minute wedding it is usually a friend or family member who has gotten cold feet and decided that they can't perform the ceremony.
When a couple knows they wish to include something in their ceremony a professional will offer multiple suggestions on how this can be done. Together with the couple the best way to suit them is then chosen.
Think about when you have gone to a wedding that included readings.
Were the people who have done readings engaging?
Did you enjoy their reading?
While a reading is just a small percentage of the ceremony, when you have a friend or family member officiate this is the degree of public speaking ability that you have from start to finish. Do you have someone with depth and warmth to their tone and inflection? Can they make eye contact and stay relaxed if things do not go just as planned?
Time frames and the needs of the other vendors are something a professional understands. In a structured venue the ceremony space is usually rented for a half hour. How long should the officiant actually talk for, in order to leave a little buffer time in case someone important is running late? How big is the bridal party and how long will it take to get them down the aisle? Incorporating cultural elements, or smaller ceremonies into a comfortable time frame is a little tricky, but not impossible. Temperature is another consideration when discussing ceremony length. Most people dream of being outdoors and rightly so. But how long is too long at noon in August or on a November evening at Five o'clock?
When you are weighing emotional closeness and practical elements, all the above are the things you want to consider.
Now, why would you want a nonprofessional to marry you? Let's face it, the officiant is cheaper than chair covers. So it's not to save a few dollars... You want to have a friend or family member marry you because they LOVE you.
Think of the person you are asking. Put all your pros and cons on the scales. And make the decision that is right for you as a couple.
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