To Marry Or Not To Marry That Is The Question?
Mar 08, 2013 05:51 PM Back
You are full swing in wedding planning mode and something isn't right and it has nothing to do with the stress of your upcoming nuptials. Quite often women and men have reservations about tying the knot and think that things will get better after they get married – can you say hell no?? The reality is that things will only get worse if you get married and then you will end up resenting your partner.
This reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my friend Susan. She is in the bridal party for her friend Karen in a wedding that seems like a scene from a bad movie. Karen is set to get married in a couple of months and she is already planning her escape.
A little about Karen – she wears the pants in the relationship and has been the breadwinner, footing the bill for the past two years. Now with months before the big day she has a problem with him not pitching in and told her fiance that he needs to start paying up even if that means asking his parents to borrow money.
As a relationship coach, my spidey senses are going off the charts (and no Karen will not talk to me – I already asked). This is no way for a relationship to start off and the kicker is she is pregnant! Financial issues, a baby and a wedding can definitely make for a stressful situation but she is ignoring the giant elephant in the room - their relationship.
Susan does not want to cancel or postpone the wedding because everyone loves her fiance and what will people think? She has not realized that in the end she is going to be the one dealing with this disaster after it implodes.
If I had the chance to speak to Susan or anyone who is having reservations about getting married I would ask these questions:
- Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person exactly as they are?
- Are you settling in any way by being in this relationship?
- Does your partner make you a better person?
- Are you trying to change this person to fit what you want instead of accepting them as they are?
If you are totally honest with yourself how did you answer these questions? If you have any concerns or doubts talk to someone about it, a person who will be honest with you and not just tell you want you want to hear.
Marriage is a huge commitment that goes well beyond the ceremony and the party afterwards. You need to take time and ask yourself is the right person for me? Isn't it better to do decide now that this is not going to work out? Would you rather be miserable for years and divorced because you were too afraid of what people would think if you canceled the wedding? Don't you deserve to be in a happy, loving relationship that is right for you?
Want more information, have a question or comment, please feel free to contact me and visit my website at www.coachmichellebianco.com
This reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my friend Susan. She is in the bridal party for her friend Karen in a wedding that seems like a scene from a bad movie. Karen is set to get married in a couple of months and she is already planning her escape.
A little about Karen – she wears the pants in the relationship and has been the breadwinner, footing the bill for the past two years. Now with months before the big day she has a problem with him not pitching in and told her fiance that he needs to start paying up even if that means asking his parents to borrow money.
As a relationship coach, my spidey senses are going off the charts (and no Karen will not talk to me – I already asked). This is no way for a relationship to start off and the kicker is she is pregnant! Financial issues, a baby and a wedding can definitely make for a stressful situation but she is ignoring the giant elephant in the room - their relationship.
Susan does not want to cancel or postpone the wedding because everyone loves her fiance and what will people think? She has not realized that in the end she is going to be the one dealing with this disaster after it implodes.
If I had the chance to speak to Susan or anyone who is having reservations about getting married I would ask these questions:
- Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person exactly as they are?
- Are you settling in any way by being in this relationship?
- Does your partner make you a better person?
- Are you trying to change this person to fit what you want instead of accepting them as they are?
If you are totally honest with yourself how did you answer these questions? If you have any concerns or doubts talk to someone about it, a person who will be honest with you and not just tell you want you want to hear.
Marriage is a huge commitment that goes well beyond the ceremony and the party afterwards. You need to take time and ask yourself is the right person for me? Isn't it better to do decide now that this is not going to work out? Would you rather be miserable for years and divorced because you were too afraid of what people would think if you canceled the wedding? Don't you deserve to be in a happy, loving relationship that is right for you?
Want more information, have a question or comment, please feel free to contact me and visit my website at www.coachmichellebianco.com
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